My friend just passed away. Cancer. He was 39.
We’ve been very close years ago. He was there for me in a very tough situation of mine about 15 years ago, around 2007. And we hung out a lot during that era of 2010s.
After that we slowly stopped seeing each other and hanging out as often, especially after social media boom happened.
I saw him last time in 2015-2016. Since then we just had one little argument on Facebook in comments about a thing we disagreed.
Later in 2018 i heard he got diagnosed with cancer. I didnt reach out, but I donated money into the fund that our mutual friends organized for him.
He beat it. But for not too long. In 2022 it came back, and this July he passed away.
We have not talked for couple of years.
I feel terrible guilt. For not reaching out to him.
I feel like I have been terrible friend. Despite no contact last few years, i had to reacb out, because he was there for me years ago during my tough times.
And I beatrayed him.
I’mnot sure how to deal with this guilt..
4 comments
Let’s imagine the situation was reversed. You hot cancer and died, and your friend was wracked with guilt.
What would you say to him?
I know what I would say: “I get it. Cancer and death is scary. You aren’t perfect, and that’s okay. I forgive you. All i ask is that you work on that fear, so the next time something like this happens, you’ll be ready”
It’s not your fault mate. We do this from time to time, if he didn’t get sick you wouldn’t feel bad, people come and go, and come back and go again, it’s just how life is. I’m sure you guys enriched each other’s lives in some way, which is the positive!
Use this experience to nurture your relationships with friends, partners and family all the more.
That’s just how life goes, you can’t beat yourself up about it. If you want to “do” something, you could reach out to other friends who you haven’t been in touch with.
There is absolutely nothing you can do to change the past. Reach out to his family if you’re so inclined