Hello r/sex,
Sex positivity is a concept that makes sense in today’s world. I am having a hard time fully embracing it and would like your help.
When I talk with potential partners, we sometimes talk about things we are into. This is just fine but things in my brain change when the other person tells me details or sends me pictures or screenshots of conversations or specific experiences had with previous partners.
In my head, I get turned off, but I try not to express that. I want to be able to take that type of information in stride. What would you recommend for me to do to be able to do this? Am I just too inexperienced? Too immature?
Also, if it helps, here’s an example: a potential partner sent me texts of another person saying they enjoyed finishing inside them.
If you think that going to a therapist and talking this out would be best, I’m open to that suggestion!
2 comments
Who says you have to be ok with? There’s a big difference between being comfortable with the idea that someone has had a history before you, and having a damned guided tour of that history shoved in your face.
You do not have a hotpast kink. You do not need to know. It is ok to have a boundary around that.
Think about what is leading to people doing this, what questions are you asking? What is it that is laying the foundations of someone thinking “ahah! I should send him *screenshots of sexting* between me and my exes! He will surely appreciate that.”
I do not believe you need therapy. It is ok not to want to know about the graphic details of what happened before you.
I’m open-minded and I think that’s crossing a line unless you explicitly asked for that information. It’s fine to talk about turnons and what your partner enjoys and experiences in general terms, but providing graphic details or even evidence is taking it too far unless the receiving party wants that info.
Set boundaries. There’s nothing wrong with saying “hey, I don’t care about your sexual past, but I’m not interested in explicit details or evidence. I don’t need that information and it makes me uncomfortable.”