Me (30m) and my girlfriend (26f) ended our 11 year relationship, because my girlfriend wanted more commitment from me (getting married and having kids).
After being separated for 2 months, we started talking again and we talked about getting back together, she told me that to get back together she would have to be honest with me, during the 2 months we were apart she got involved with a married man.
Now I don’t know if we should get together even though we weren’t in a relationship at the time.
If i think getting back together with her, should i take into account what she did in the time we weren’t together or should i forget about it?
18 comments
It’s the whole subplot of friends right here. “We were on a break”
You were on a break. Shit happens. Suck it up or break it off.
Well that tells you all you need to that she is untrustworthy. Do not get back together with her. Her moral compass is broken. She will have no problem cheating on you
Sounds like she says one thing about her morals but does another thing. She broke up with you and then relised she could not find someone better so she is trying to get back with you.
I would not get back together.
No… as soon as that partner gets with another person sexually, the relationship is over for good.
Hoo boy, you didn’t ask her the obvious?
“It’s not for me to judge honey, but when you said you were looking for more commitment such as marriage and children, I’m not sure if getting involved with a guy who is *already* married is the right way to seek that kind of commitment . . . ” 😁
Just a crazy crazy red flag right there, lol . . . 🤷♀️
I know it must really suck to feel like 11 years were blown to bits after two months, but at this point, it would be a bit crazy at minimum to get back together knowing what you know. And deep down, she knows that as well. It’s even possible she’s partly or totally making this up, because perhaps on a subconscious level, she doesn’t actually want to get back with you, and needs to lay a minefield for you to navigate if you really want to get back with her . . . I personally don’t think it’s worth tip-toeing through this minefield, but ultimately it’s your choice . . .
What’s there to take into account?
It sounds like you don’t quite understand what “broken up” means.
You should be more concerned that she was involved with a married man more than her sleeping with someone while on a break
I’m most concerned about this being an 11 y relationship , so 19 and 15??
You don’t think it’s a big deal that she’s playing a part in ruining someone else’s family?
What is the upside to making a commitment to a home-wrecker? Would you advise your son to commit to a woman who behaved this way? There are plenty of women who have integrity. Why settle?
She was how old when y’all met???
Anyway you were on a break
She wanted to taste the married life so bad that she slept with a married man. That’s the complete opposite of the commitment she wanted lmao. She became a part time side chick. Yea she was broken up but its crazy for her to ask for commitment then seek a noncommittal relationship after breaking up with you. Find out if she knew this guy while yall were together because if so, she could of just wanted to sleep with this man.
11y relarionship ended and within 2 months she managed to sleep with a married man??
Well at least you now know her true view on the marriage vows…
Sounds like way too much drama
If you hadn’t proposed in 11 years clearly you don’t want to
Move on
And what the hell age was she when you started dating…. really 19 and 15…. okay then
Got together at ages 15 & 19?
Ok.
Listen, Op. I don’t think this will work. She might want to see “what’s out there”.
If you’re not marrying her, let her go.
She might be feeling some remorse over getting with another guy during the break up. And she might miss you. But she’ll have a change of heart in a few months time.
Marriage and children is on her mind. Let her have that with someone else.
If you are still not ready to commit to her and raise a family with her, it’s a irreconcilable difference. Let her go.
The important aspect here is not that she slept without a guy. It’s the fact that she slept with a married guy. And that she knew he was married. This speaks volumes about her character. She was willing to be a participant in destroying a marriage. But wants you to marry her. If she places so little value in other people’s marriages, why do you think she would respect and value her own.
Stay away.
I couldn’t be with someone who was willingly involved with someone who was married. That would indicate we have very different values and I would consider that person incompatible with myself.