Hi. I (28) and my husband (33) are in a healthy monogamous relationship. From my side of view, I think we are meant to experiment other things too. He, definitely not. For me there is always the question there “how will another man make me feel?”. How can I start this conversation with my husband? Maybe he will think he is not enough, and it’s not the case. I’m afraid that maybe I will some day cheat on him because I just want to try something different… Thx.
7 comments
I see two things here –
First the vibe I’m getting even from this brief description is that any attempt to separate sexual from romantic monogamy will feed the idea that he isn’t “good enough” and will be hugely destructive.
Second is that *jealousy* is something which will occur and has to be actively managed, this requires you have to have excellent and clear lines of communication – and this second one is where I really think the wheels may come off for you. If you had that level of communication then you wouldn’t need advice from strangers on how to bring this up.
From my point of view, if you are going to have the discussion then the usual advice of having difficult discussions about sex apply – avoid times before or after having sex, make a point of saying it is something you’ve thought about for a while, you aren’t sure how he is going to feel about it, and that you do not expect an immediate response… and then really you just have to put it out there and see what happens.
Swinger subs might have some better ideas on how you can probe his feelings on the subject more subtly.
If you let that nagging curiosity fester and grow, it’s only matter of time before you give into that obsession and compulsively have sex with someone else. So regardless of your desire to approach your husband about swinging, you need to get that under control. Maybe sex with another man would be worse than sex with your husband. Is it worth ruining your relationship for? You two chose each other.
I’ve thought about getting my wife into it. Mostly to see her explore other body types. Ultimately not for us. Do you dirty talk about it?
suggest to watch some porn together. Watch multiple partner porn. Comment that you think it’s hot to have more people involved. Mention that you would like to try that sometime. Ask him if he is game. If he sounds interested talk about it. There are sex clubs, sex parties. Poly groups, play parties, websites. Swinger is one kind of non-monogamous thing where you basically swap partners. There are more specific types of being non-monogamous.
Its tricky bc this can trigger a man’s inadequacies (per my experience)… Which we are trying to avoid.. I would suggest trying to spice things up first in a different way. And then slowly shift to putting the swinger idea in his head..that would be once u guys have already been doing non vanilla activities.
First things first, if he’s not into it, he’s not into it. Under no circumstances should you try to coerce him. An ultimatum would be a very bad idea. That’s bound to cause problems and resentment. Cheating, of course, will likely lead to the end of your marriage.
As for advice, maybe start with watching porn together and see how he feels. Maybe talk about a threesome and how you think it would be super hot and how it would make you super happy. Again, gauge his reaction. If he seems into it, then you can try to make it happen. Then, from there, you can expand.
Basically, start small and SLOWLY work you way up. If at any point he doesn’t want to further. That’s your answer for how far he’s willing to go.
It would likely be a very uneven playing field, it’s generally easier for women to sleep around.
So given your situation, this unlikely to work out.
Have you been with other guys before him?
And, divorce him first before you decide to cheat.