I know this is a social skills subreddit and most of us are here because we don’t have great social skills. But outside of not being the best conversationalist or the most charismatic person what other things about yourself do you think or know turn people off?

30 comments

  1. I dont know well I know I speak quiet but its as if no matter where I go it seems people dont care about me or what I have to say so I think I should do the same back

  2. Years of obsessive research into neuropsychiatry. And quite honestly I have no way to confirm it because practicing psychiatrists don’t follow the research on sub clinical precursors to clinical disorders. Sub-clinical” schizotypy gives me flat affect and social anhedonia as well as severe social anxiety and autistic-like but not bad enough to get a diagnosis communication issues. Moreover it predisposes to the diagnosed conditions (see the ICD criterion “obsessive ideation without inner resistance”, and “dissociation/depersonalization”): OCD, and PTSD dissociative type. I have some what they identify as social disorganization phenotype common to autistic and schizotypal which possibly is a dimension of neurodevelopment that exist semi independent of the former (wouldn’t be surprised it’s why I pick up neither the autistic nor the schizotypal diagnosis themselves lol). I have OCD since a child which I managed by compensating with a form of morbid rationality (common to schizophrenia autism and ocd) that people find makes me an arrogant know it all prick in conversations. It’s worse online than in person because I score better than normal at reading the mind thru the eyes tests and that capacity reigns me back in a bit whereas online I lose that feedback entirely.

  3. Unfortunately, one of the biggest turn offs is worrying about if people like you or not, or altering youself to become more likeable. A lot of self improvement is ironically counter intuitive, the more you try to improve and “become enough”, the more you solidify the belief that you are lacking something and are “not enough”.

  5. When I hear gossip about others and realise I do that thing too. Also, when i realise what I dislike about someone is something I do too.

    Being too pragmatic and straightforward. Not a lot of people appreciate that. I can’t say I’ve changed but I’ve learnt to hide that side of me a teensy bit better.

  6. Honestly I don’t particularly care if someone doesn’t like me. I’m not in school, and I’m not particularly forced to speak to anyone.!

  7. I think it’s when I suddenly get an attitude/snap at someone.
    The look on peoples faces, it makes me so embarrassed.
    It’s not often but it has happened 😳

  8. I am/was too negative and self deprecating. I thought I was being realistic, and making jokes at my own expense so as to not risk hurting anyone else’s feelings. It was until a woman I was dating sat me down and told me plainly that was my problem. Turns out I was/am kind of a buzz-kill and can come off as low in confidence.

  9. My arrogant ass attitude and weak esteem resulting in blaming others for even my mistakes

  10. I was raised by narcs and have narc tendencies and do some jabbing jokes. In the past and east coast where I grew up, this was required to survive. Everyone and their grandmas will give you shit for any little thing.

    Nowadays, seems like people are rightfully so rejecting that behavior, so now I need to unlearn it.

  11. I make too many self deprecating jokes that really aren’t funny in hindsight. I’ve reduced them a ton though and I’ve seen the effects

  12. If someone doesn’t like something about you, then let them leave for that reason. Don’t change yourself for another person. The only thing that you need to change is the worrying. 😁

  13. Honestly, recently I realized that I was trying too much to make wrong people like me. With right people you don’t have to do that at all.

  14. I’m a reformed asshole
    I was indifferent to relationships. When people accurately felt like I had no interest in them, they reciprocated the lack of interest.

  19. I honestly just try not to care too much. If someone dislikes you, there’s nothing you can do about it really.

    I do know that some people find me aloof, ‘unreadable’ and even snooty (because I’ve been told) but that’s just their interpretation of the fact I’m quiet, thoughtful and introverted.

  20. my family gets annoyed sometimes bc i talk a lot. as soon as someone asks me abt something im interested in i can basically go on and on for hours.. i kind of always knew that this was a bad habit of mine but i thought they were mostly ok with it because no one ever told me to stop talking so much, maybe just once or twice. i dont rlly do this around anyone else tho

  21. Apparently being quiet, and minding my own business is. People really start to treat you like shit after a while, I’m currently going through this at work

  23. Being myself and being spontaneous and talking about my struggles. I’m just so different from them that they can’t relate. Or that I’m like their ideal image and I shouldn’t complain about my struggles. Or that I’m too eager to learn (that has actually been said to me) Or that I know too much, learn too much or too easy…

  24. From feedback I got and loads of self-reflection, people who didn’t like me said I’m weird, too agreeable and ‘too nice’ to the point where people get bored hanging out with me or doubt my intentions which is heartbreaking really. I am too predictable and not edgy enough. Also not exactly funny or witty in conversations, I tend to be more on the serious side.

    I do have opinions and actually voice them but unless it’s bad or not tolerable I’m usually just going along with things. There’s nothing I despise more than petty drama for absolutely no reason.

    Also some people told me that when I talk about my interests I come across as ‘pseudo-intellectual’ and that makes others feel bad when they have less ‘niche’ topics to talk about.

    Recently I withdrew more from social interactions irl due to some bad experience in my recent past. Unless I’m at work and have to talk, I just stay quiet and be home or go hiking alone. Its easier for me and not causing any discomfort for anyone.

  26. Being quiet and generally antisocial makes people kinda view you as a loser, and you get treated as such. Unless of course, you’re physically attractive enough to bypass that

  27. I’m just naturally stupid. I’m very nice but people hate me because of my stupidity.

    It’s not my fault, I had significant brain trauma as a toddler

  28. My being overly arrogant. I try to show off whenever I think I know something other people don’t and get a sense of superiority for doing that, while not able to admit at times that I do not know something. Trying to always hold a “god-like” facade wore me out.

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