So most of my life, I’ve been in a state of anxiety, depression, and/or over thinking. For a while I was good. I was healthy, happy, and making good money but about a year and a half ago my mom committed suicide (March 2022) and me and my girlfriend at the time broke up (January 2023) And I really didn’t focus on fixing any of those problems at the time just because I was so busy and passionate with a goal of mine at work. After achieving that goal (January 2023) I started going to therapy to work on those problems and I also met a girl about a month and a half ago (August 10th, 2023) we started dating and I really like this girl but I find myself overthinking and being worrisome and having all sorts of anxiety now and I was just wondering if anybody had any tips on how I could fix this in a healthy way. I don’t want to take out my problems on my current girlfriend because she has done nothing wrong My head is just messing with me a lot and it’s really taking a toll on me and I can only hide it and “fake it till you make it” for so long. I don’t want to bring up my issues to her anymore just because I can feel myself tired of saying the same stuff. But I can’t continue like this. I only get this feeling when I’m not with her. When I’m with her everything else fades away. Can you help?
tl;dr I overthink a lot due to trauma and I don’t want that overthinking to sabotage my relationship.
5 comments
What does your therapist think?
You’re gonna have to decide to trust them if you want this to work. That’s the only way to let the anxiety go. You will always overthink things, but if you can learn to Trust them, and believe in them, then things should be ok. Seems to me like your issues deep down come from not being able to trust anyone. Totally armchair therapist here ignore if you don’t agree. Just my opinion.
what kind of overthinking and anxiety is it, could you give some examples?
HIGHLY recommend watching ‘how I went from anxious attachment to secure… and you can too’ on youtube by Margarita Nazarenko. To date this is the only video that’s truly helped me with my anxious attachment. Not sure if that’s the kind of anxiety you’re talking about though. If you do check it out, beware that she has quite a harsh, blunt approach sometimes. Give her a chance and stick with it all the way through, it might help!
>and I was just wondering if anybody had any tips on how I could fix this in a healthy way.
Trying not to be rude here, but yes, there is someone: your therapist.
It doesn’t sound like you’re in a good place to be dating yet. This post is disjointed, a bit frantic, and honestly parts of it just don’t line up or come off strangely. For instance, you say your mom’s suicide and your breakup were around the same time, but they were 10 months apart. You also mention some behavior that goes beyond anxiety, like hyper-fixation.
I’m sorry man, I really am, but it doesn’t sound like you’re in a good place yet.