For the past few months, we rarely have sex. We’ve talked about this more than once. He says it’s because of work, he doesn’t feel like doing anything when he comes back from it, he says he has to change his lifestyle – more exercise etc, but he doesn’t do anything about it. Of course, I worry about him, whether it’s depression, but I’m also starting to doubt our relationship. Other than that, everything is fine between us. We get along, we live together. We hug a lot, kiss a lot, intimacy is still there. But sex has faded.. slowly and I’m starting to think about it less and less and it worries me.
Then there’s the thought that maybe he doesn’t like me and other women do. Of course he says that’s not true. And all this is getting more and more into my head, even though I can see that it’s really hard for him on a daily basis…
I don’t know what to do anymore, he knows it’s a problem, he says he doesn’t know when it will change. And I worry if ever. I love him, I think we’re a match, I see a future with him, but I don’t want to be in a relationship without sex. What to do?
TLDR; Lack of sex in our relationship makes me really worry about it’s future
17 comments
When’s the last time he saw a doctor?
He needs a blood test to check his testosterone level. He may be quite low. Is he overweight?
Wow… if it’s bad now… it’s only going to get worse as he ages…
You need to see doctor and therapist act now before it’s to late…
What does he do for work? Is it really stressful? Does it use a lot of mental power?
Living together can make people get comfortable and not try as hard. I really wouldn’t take it personally unless you want to have lots of sex and it’s an issue for you bc your appetite is stronger. If everything else is fine, he loves you.I’ve gone through phases where work is so stressful I don’t feel like it. Especially when living with my partner.
Well he could be tried from work ? What does he do and is it a stressful job ? Or a labour intensive job ? He could generally be tired and now he has to Fk you which is more labour. I highly doubt it’s cheating
Tbh not all of us guys show love through sex. If you need validation look at actions and mood rather then sex.
He’s refusing to talk about it openly by giving excuses. Any chance he’s tired, lying or addicted to porn?
You need to back off. The stress of feeling obligated is a turn off. If you pull back, it’s possible he will move forward.
>he knows it’s a problem, he says he doesn’t know when it will change
My ex was like that too. We also got along very well. But eventually she stopped wanting to fuck me after a year and a half(we fucked like rabbits the first year). Aside from a quickie about 7 months before she left me for someone else, we never had sex again. In the end, she was LL for me. I was with her for 7 years.
It won’t get better. Walk away. I wish I did 2 or 3 years into my relationship with my ex.
You need to communicate to him how important sex is to you in a relationship.
I got comfortable in my relationship; stopped putting in the effort and just watching porn instead. I was very stressed and not taking care of myself due to running my own business and I just expected sex to come as easily as it did when we first met.
Then, four years in I had to read about how dissatisfied my wife was through an anonymous Reddit post.
It destroyed my ego and I felt like I didn’t really know the woman I had married. It opened the door to a lot of frank conversations that we needed to have.
We became more open and honest and in return we became closer and stronger. I went down some terrible rabbit holes of insecurity and jealously because I thought, “well, how/when/with whom did she develop these high standards for sex??”
But then I realized my wife is a mirror that sometimes shows me the ways I am failing and how I can be a better man. I had work to do.
Now sex is an extremely high priority to me.
I learned new ways to approach sex and foreplay and how to pleasure my wife.
Now I workout four days a week and I feel better, I feel more confident, and it turns out a nice physique is a natural aphrodisiac. It’s the man’s job in a relationship to lead in the bedroom.
He needs to get his shit together or one day he will wake up and realize you found a man who wants to fuck you the way you want. Life is too short. Talk to him because he doesn’t realize how bad it really is.
Please leave him but before you cheat on him. Because sooner or later a person devoid of sexual pleasures does cheat.
every guy will hit phases like that sometime in his life. There could be so many contributing factors, but the main ones I found were stress, lack of sleep, poor diet, and not feeling adequate in life. Living together can also make people complacent but if you and him both improve on the things I listed above, that might help.
Me and my girlfriend are about the same age as you and your boyfriend. I guess I would need a little more information. Like how long have you guys been dating? Is this something that’s only been going on for a little bit or pretty much the entire day of your relationship when you guys talked about it how did you address it with him?
I can only see 3 reasons.
1: You aren’t that attractive to his eyes
2: He isn’t hyped about what you guys do during sex
3: He is himself insecure about his body naked
My bf was the exact same way and then I found out he was just taking care of himself the whole time. We sat down and talked about it and he’s been trying a lot more with me. So maybe check in with him and see if that’s what’s his attention is on right now.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this at such a young age. I agree with those who say to see a doctor, absolutely! If he is having health issues due to stress at work that’s not good. But might I suggest maybe feeding into his fantasies. Whatever they may be. As long as you are comfortable. Some folks just need a little extra jolt of stimulation. Just surprise him one day with something fun that he thinks is spontaneous. Be it romantic or kink, depends on his pleasure. If you really love him and want it to work long term you have to be fulfilled as well. Even if it means thinking out of the box a little. But please note: if you do decide you will surprise him do not pick his most stressful days of the week. Please be thoughtful of his stress. You want to focus on de stressing him while having fun yourself.GL!
Might I add to try and adjust the things you do together? Perhaps add more spice to sex, doing different things, etc? Have you talked about marriage during your time together?
So he wants to exercise yet doesn’t. I don’t know else there is unless the rare chance he found someone at work? Was this change in behavior sudden?
Well by itself Vitamin D can reck a lot of damage on your energy and sex drive. My RA Doctor did a full panel with a few extras on me. My D was low and my testosterone was very low. When both these things changed, my sex drive, energy, enjoyment of life came back to me. I was ABLE to exercise after getting both things corrected and that helped even more. Not trying to worry you but cancer can zap a person in the same ways. Talk him into dropping by and at least getting a blood panel done ( with testosterone added ( and vitamin D if that is not included.) night workers seem even to have worse results on the Vitamin D and the testosterone…