Do most people just want to talk about themselves?

37 comments

1. I feel your pain!

2. Yes. We as individuals each live in our own little universe, which is only as big as our perception will allow. It’s not very big, and it puts the individual at the center. If you want to tell somebody else about your universe, find somebody who likes to listen. If you want to explore the cosmos, become somebody who likes to listen.

3. See this is what I don’t get. I thought most people only wanna talk about themselves because it’s what I’ve seen in this life

   But apparently now it’s considered a “power play” to ask engaging questions about other people out of genuine interest so I don’t even know anymore

4. Most of these sound fairly normal and I’m tempted to think you may be the issue here. Maybe you’re putting too much emphasis on telling ‘compelling’ stories that no one wants and that can be a turn off. Maybe you focus a bit much when talking and asking about their lives so when you start talking about yours instead of it flowing naturally with the conversation it comes across as unwarranted because youve mechanically seperated talking about yourself from talking about them. Or maybe the conversations go fine but you overthink how you wanted them to go and feel like there’s an issue when there may not really be one. I’m not sure.

   It’s hard to say exactly without properly conversing with you in real life because this is all speculation based on your perception of yourself which is obviously biased and internet conversations often aren’t comparable to face-to-face talk. All I can say is generally when you run into the same problems with people time and time again it’s usually because either you’re the problem or because you keep subconsciously drawing the wrong crowd and need to figure out which behaviors are triggering it.

5. I used to share on office with a gabby lady. I tried to ignore her and the more I did, the more she’d talk. She only ever left me alone when I talked back and made the conversation about me. Then she’d disappear. I felt a little rejected every time.

   That’s how it is, though. People have a great time talking about themselves. They have to be trained and habituated to the idea that I am not an audience member. I have things to say, too.

6. I think you’re engaging pathologically self absorbed people/narcissists.

   Out of interest, what subjects about your own life do you want to discuss with them?

7. One night, I was out at a bar and I started chatting with one of friend who I hadn’t known for very long. At some point, he said “tell me about yourself” or something along those lines, and so I did. I don’t really like talking about myself because I don’t feel like people care that much so I’m not very good at it, but since he asked I made a good effort to do so.

   Then, after about maybe 5-10 minutes of telling him about myself, I ask him to tell me about himself, which I’d think is a reasonable thing to do, and I was genuinely curious. Thing is, the surprised look he gave me and the genuine shock he had when I returned the question is one of the most disheartening things I’ve experienced. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember if he told I was the only one or one of the very few people to ask him that question back, but yeah. I’ll say it did change the way I view people quite a bit.

8. [removed]

9. Yes.

10. It depends, some people are listeners and some people are talkers

11. You do understand that you also seem to fall into the group of people who just want to talk about themselves, based on this one example?

12. People want to talk about things that interest them. If there’s nothing interesting the next best thing is themselves.

13. Yes so many definitely just want to talk about themselves. I’m lucky if “friends” even ask me a cursory question about myself or my life. People I’ve known socially for years have zero idea about so much about me that I think is actually pretty interesting.

    Friendship for me lately is basically like hitting play on a video and just listening and nodding for a while.

14. Dude you all are bunch of dumbasses…yes social skill is a thing …but what u have to do is becoming more valuable and successful and higher status… thn they will die to talk to u ……u guys do not understand this simple fucking truth

15. This confuses me as well. The people who only talk about themselves seem to have lots of friends too, compared to me who never shares because I feel no one cares. But I wonder if people like it when you bring up random stories, details of your life, and even brag a bit. It must make you seem cool or something. Which I suppose is slightly true, I do like hearing about people’s lives. But I just don’t feel right chiming in with my thoughts if no one asked specifically for them. When it comes to group discussions, I pretty much only answer if it’s philosophical. I often wonder if it’s why I struggle to make friends.
    But yes, when someone asks about me, I’m delighted. Then they only let me say a sentence and they’re back at it about themselves. And I don’t really want to be close with people who don’t give an anything about me…

16. Um I think it’s normal when friends do this because they have life’s too that are busy and I get what you meant you don’t know if they are your friends but I think you need to realize some of them have hardships like all of us and tell them again if you feel left out and they can answer and be a better friend for you and be positive and stay grateful goodluck

17. No. I love listening to others as much as enjoy talking about myself. But is has to find people like that!

18. One of the reasons why dating in this generation doesn’t work out

19. Would you define the people in your life as socially competent?

    Because, to me, it sounds like an issue with them being conversationally selfish. Which is a thing. I know people are ultimately self-centered, but learning how to give a fuck about the other person is a skill. Which means it can be learned (and, notably, requires practice).

    If I were in your shoes, I’d be having a chat about it. “You have to ask questions and care, because I’m not your therapist or your diary. I care about what you’re up to, but you literally never ask about me or give a fuck about my answers. I need you to step up.”

    I had to do that with a friend just a few months ago. It’s not perfect, but it’s certainly better than it was before. Because she’s a great friend who actually *does* care, she’s just, well, kind of a shit conversationalist. She’s lost in her own little world a lot of the time.

    If they don’t do better, then you can decide what your next move is. But definitely don’t accept “people are just selfish, it is what it is” as an answer to this question. People can be better than lazy narcissistic self-involvement.

20. I try pretty hard to not talk about myself too much. If I just keep asking them questions and letting them talk, I don’t have to come up with as much to say. This is for people I don’t really know or have much in common with.

21. I sometimes feel weird i dont talk much about myself. Tho im more of a listener so i just think thats natural. I never get into a conversation if its like about me. I can talk about other stuff just fine. But when it comes to me. Idk. I feel i dont have much going on besides just working. I would only bring up like having gone to a concert or a trip like that. So i guess in a weird way i fit more of a listener role? 😅😅

22. Yes, 💯. People love to talk about themselves. That’s the easiest way to engage anyone. Ask them about something specific to them. A hat they’re wearing , the drink they’re drinking, the chair they’re sitting on, and they will tell you all about it.

23. I believe most people like talking about themselves but friends usually want to hear your input as well. Conversations are meant to be exchanges not just one person talking and if that’s what they want they should start a podcast.

24. Talking too much can be a mental challenge for a lot of people

25. Apparently, most do from what I’ve been told.

    Most is not everyone though.

    I am an exception in that I’m bubbly and social (but I hate taking about myself).

    Ironically, people come to like me and thus want to know my background, my sexuality, my relationship status, what I do recreationally, what of friends I have.

    I don’t like people knowing this stuff about me but when people enjoy your company they tend to want to know these things and some are more discreet and others are more transparent.

    But nobody ever gets anywhere when I see them coming a mile away.

    Because of this I regularly get told I’m mysterious & intriguing.

26. you are me. I think we focus on making the person heard and expect to be heard in return. next time only talk about yourself, don’t listen and see then if they are worth it or not. people will make an effort to listen if they care.

27. That’s normal human instincts. The most interesting topic one can talk about is themselves. Makes us feel important.

28. Something I learned from years of peer counselling is that everyone is trying to get listened to.

    Think about ancient traditional cultures : they would go on a hunt. It was scary and dangerous, especially going up against something big, like a buffalo. Then, that night around the camp fire, all the people who were on the hunt would tell the story of the hunt. The scary parts, the bravery parts, how Dave got hurt and how johno died.

    We don’t do that any more. Everyone had bad, scary, painful stuff happen to them as children, they wanted their parents to listen to them, but no one had ever listened to the parents and they had dinner to cook and a report to finish so there is a backlog of being listened to, so people start pretending that they are being listened to and tell the story of how they almost got into a car accident in the parking lot to the girl at the checkout, who is only pretending to listen because her boss is a dick and she thinks she is going to dump her boyfriend, because he never listens to her….

    All you need to do to make this work is agree to take turns. You say “sounds like you have had a shit day, I too have had a shit day. How about I listen to you talk about your shit day for 5 minutes, and then you listen to me talk about my shit day for five minutes. And we can rinse and repeat until we have nothing else to say ”

    You will be amazed.

29. Yes everyone wants to talk about themselves. The people you want to be around are gonna balance talking about themselves and asking about you. Filter through the narcissists and focus your time/energy on the more balanced people.

30. Unfortunately alotta us are selfish, which is a major turnoff for me. Simply because it’s possible for most parties involved to have their needs met, but selfishness calls for us to ONLY see ourselves satisfied.

    Just think about it, a person that can’t go a few mins tops without being the sol focus of anything.

31. Ideally conversations are more back and forth and not as much one person going on and on.

    It helps if you have a common interest like sports, gaming, movies, etc. Conversations where one person vents about their life/job/gf/bf can lack back and forth because after person one is done with their long vent they realize they don’t want to listen to the second person vent for that long.

    Also short interesting stories are better than long ones and sometimes people listening to a story can start feeling trapped because it’s hard to break away in the middle of one. Sometimes a short quick joke can be better if you’re good at telling them.

32. Narcissism is rampant these days. Check your attachment style and try work out the styles of the people around you. People are too self-absorbed these days. Good luck.

33. Yes.

34. People talk for an hour in response to “how are you doing”??

    Most people I know simply respond with “I’m cool, how are you?”.

35. Yes and it’s terrible

36. Good conversations for me is not about taking turns talking about yourself, but talking about something else that you both enjoy discussing

37. People don’t ONLY want to talk about themselves, but it is the primary thing on their minds.