my (22F) boyfriend (22M) of over a year has not wanted to have sex with me for the last month, even thought we are living together and sleep in the same bed every night. I have noticed that if I try to initiate anything he tries to avoid it/ avoid me. I finally asked him about it and he said that he experiences periods of low sex drive, and that he was scared to bring it up with me bc it was part of the reason his last relationship ended. this is the longest he has gone without showing any interest in having sex with me, and I am very concerned about how it’s going to impact our relationship in the long term and how it’s going to personally impact me, because it sounds like this definitely isn’t the last time it’s going to happen. i have a very high sex drive. He said that recently he just doesn’t feel anything, even when looking at or touching “sexual” parts of me (for example, when I am grinding my butt up on him). he said he literally doesn’t feel sexually aroused towards anything. i’m obviously not a supermodel but I know that I am decently attractive person; when we go out together i often get compliments and guys will approach me. therefore I know deep down that it doesn’t have anything to do with my attractiveness, but nonetheless it still hurts my self esteem and confidence. Additionally, i feel like my sexual needs are not being met and I crave the intimacy that I felt earlier in our relationship before any of this happened. in the beginning of our relationship, he would often initiate sex and we would have so much fun experimenting with different stuff. i miss the feeling of being wanted by him and I miss the passion of it all. I haven’t tried to initiate anything after the conversation we had a couple days ago, because I want to show him that I respect his feelings and I don’t want to make him feel pressured or feel bad about his low sex drive. We agreed that whenever his sex drive returned, he would initiate sex. he tried to have sex with me last night but couldn’t get hard, so we just gave up. I don’t know what to do. Besides this issue, he is the most wonderful, kind and loving boyfriend to me. He showers me with compliments and physical affection including hugs, kisses, and cuddles. He takes care of me and does favors for me all the time and never complains. he treats me like a queen. He could tell I was a little upset the past couple days so he bought me flowers and a blanket I really wanted. he is handsome and now when I look at him, i feel hurt that he doesn’t want me the same way I want him anymore. He is always willing, and often offers, to pleasure me orally. he admitted that this was partly because he felt bad that he couldn’t fulfill my other sexual needs. he brought up the idea of taking ashwaganda and i’m not sure if he started doing it, and i’m not sure how much of an impact it will have. i still love him so much but I can’t shake the feeling that my needs aren’t being met and that I’m doing something wrong to cause this. i wonder if he’s getting bored of me and is no longer attracted to me like he used to be. this is the first time this has really happened and i wonder if our sex will ever be the same anymore. i valued sex as an important part of our relationship and recently it feels like part of our relationship has died. any advice??

2 comments
  1. He might be asexual or taking medication? Anyways if it’s important to you you should have a conversation with him where you say that your needs are not being met and you don’t want to stray away. If he won’t change , you need to open up the relationship or leave him.

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