Apologies if this post seems familiar: I deleted my last version of this. The TLDR is that I have an old friend from college that happens to be living in the city I just moved to, and I reached out hoping to reconnect but they left me on Seen (on Instagram), twice. This seemed like a clear sign that they’re uncomfortable meeting up with me, but they didn’t give me any reason why. Actually, the only reason I reached out twice is because after they left me on Seen the first time, they replied to my story excited that I had finally moved.
I guess I’m just looking for advice on what’s the line, for fighting for a friendship versus letting one die. We used to be pretty close, and we didn’t have a falling out, we just lost touch. Most of my excitement in moving here was due to me finding out this person is living here too, and although I don’t want to make them more uncomfortable, it definitely hurts to think that they aren’t as excited to see me. My instinct is that there’s no reason I can’t send a casual message asking them what’s up, if I did or said something, since I cared about this friendship. But I guess I just wanted advice from online strangers before I did something like that. I don’t want to push a boundary.
1 comment
I’ve learned the hard way that some times you just have to cut your losses. It would be nice to have a clear, direct response about what’s going on, but that’s hard to force out of someone. I would focus on the excitement of establishing a new life in a new place, and be open to new connections with new people. Maybe this person will reach out, but it’s worth considering whether you guys even share the same values about what makes a friendship. Maybe you’re not looking for the same type of friendship right now, and that’s okay. It’s also okay to feel pretty bummed about that, and you should give yourself some time and space to process those things. Focus on you and doing what brings you joy. Sometimes we don’t know why people can’t show up in the ways we need. Show up for yourself!