So me (M24) and my girlfriend (F22) have been together for 5 years and recelently, a month ago, we have been on two nice vacations which we both enjoyed. After the in love phase stopped i always missed some kind of romantic spark, but it never bothered me because i love her and see her as my best friend, we do alot of fun things together and we want to build a future toegether.
But this all changed this thursday. She came to my home and sat on my bed. I just came from work and bought some snacks to watch the new Disney movie. To my suprise she was crying and gave me a hug and told me that she last lost the feeling/spark. She feels like we became more of like a friend relationship.
At the moment of writing she still has our profile picture on instagram/whatsapp and we stil talk. She actually just asked me to come with her on dog cursus this tuesday, which is a weekly thing we do together. Everyone in our inner circle doesnt understand why she broke up with me including her own mother. We have so much fun together, and we really have something special. Two weeks ago we went to the zoo, and a week ago she send me a message on whatsapp asking me wether i would come to her that day and when i replied ‘yes’, she was exited.
She tells me she still loves me so much and she likes me, but she likes me more as a friend. I dont get it, I still have hope because of the pictures and we have been together for so long. Is this a normal thing to happen in a relationship? I mean the love phase feeling you wont ever get back. We do alot of romantic things like going out for dinner and going to the movie. What should I do? Should i see her try to talk/fix things? Should I give up hope and just accept it?
TL;’DR
We have been together for 5 years, and last thursday she decided to break up with me because she feels like we are more friends than a romantic couple. She feels like she lost the feeling/spark. I dont get it, she stil has our profile picture on instagram/whatstapp at the moment of writing. She even just asked me to come to dog cursus this tuesday. What should I do? I love her and I still have hope. She really is the perfect women for me and I cant think of a life without her. I am hearthbroken. What should I do? Should i see her try to talk/fix things? Should I give up hope and just accept it?
10 comments
If you have hope still, tell her she needs to think about what she wants. She broke up with you but yet you are still hanging out often; this is what we call, “stringing you along”.
I would suggest you tell her that you both get couples counseling before breaking up “definitely” (as you both are engaging each other as if it didn’t happen).
If she says no, you need to love and respect yourself. Stop hanging out with her. Space is definitely needed to move on. What she is doing to you is not healthy or kind… it’s leaving you heartbroken and confused.
OP, she told you she doesn’t look at you that way, anymore, so it’s over. You need to accept her answer. If your friends and her family think you should date, they can date you, but she wants to just be friends, again. If you don’t think you can be friends with her after a fairly long relationship, then tell her that, and begin the healing process. Right now, you’re in the bargaining stage of grief.
Op she dont got feelings for you, the on and off is missing the idea of you but not YOU.
How i know? I was like this in both the giving and receiving position and it NEVER works
True love does not go on and off. I been with my wife 10 yrs and there is not one day one of us feel “off” about each other.
The “love phase” should be permanent. Otherwise you’re just friends who sometimes have sex.
She is not coming back bro. Likely because your not motivated and focused on improving yourself. Women leave a relationship way before they make it official. She’s moved on. I’m sorry
She has started to feel for somebody else and just wanted to ‘legally’ explore. Should this new exciting thing fail then she will try to reverse back to you.
I’m going through a very similar experience. It’s not as easy as everyone is making it
Love just doesn’t turn off like a light switch, something happened and changed that for her
Humans change a lot between 19 and 23.
I’ve got a few questions:
How do you feel mentally?
Do you feel like the wanting to hang out with her is making you yearn for more?
Do you initiate events with her?
And if so, what’s the percentage in which she accepts?
Maybe start saying that you’re not in the mood to go to an event with her.
Like others have said with the pictures, take them off of your phone and put them on your laptop, and in a folder, inside of another folder. This way it’ll be out of your sight. If your phone’s picture is of her or the both of you, change it to a hobby or game you like.
I think that in love/infatuated feeling doesn’t last forever for most people. I think you can usually work the relationship out and the love can move beyond that initial excitement you had when you both first met/started dating. Of course it’s up to both in the relationship by consensus as to whether you want to proceed forward and work things out. She might go date someone different and then in some amount of time that infatuation just as it did with you, will likely fade away. As she grows older, she’ll perhaps find herself chasing something that isn’t attainable — and starting over in new relationship after new relationship gets exhausting. The idealized version of love and the expectation that an infatuated feeling will last forever just doesn’t always pan out; love is so much more than that.
It’s a break up, OP. I’m sorry. It will hurt, but few relationships at your age end up being viable long-term. Hide the photos somewhere where they won’t sting all the time. You’re young. You will find the right one.
We are different people at 17 than at 23. You’ll be even more different 5 years from now too.