My boyfriend (21m) is unemployed and currently in school, being provided for which is so awesome. Ive never had resentment to people like this, I think it’s a great opportunity and I’d take it in a heartbeat if given the chance. I never ask for / expect it but he helps me with groceries and things like that from time to time since I struggle a bit more financially.
I (21f) work full time, and am also a student trying to pay my way through college. I work full time and take 18 credit hours / semester so I can graduate on time. I’m in natural sciences so it requires a lot of study time as well, and I don’t have time to do much else. I try to keep a positive outlook, it’s hard but my parents always instilled that complaining of any kind is bad so when I do struggle I try not to talk about it. I’ll accidentally shed a few tears sometimes but if I’m with my boyfriend I’ll tell him I’m just stressed about school and leave it at that.
My boyfriend buys cars and fixes them up as a hobby, which is cool! He gets really stressed out over car troubles, which I totally understand. I always try to be supportive even though I don’t know much about cars. Anytime I find the time to hang out with him I’ll usually help out or read the car manual while he works so I can better understand.
Lately, he’s been complaining and acting very irritable due to car troubles. I haven’t said anything cause hey, someone’s worst day is their worst day, regardless of what that may be. But recently I just can’t stop getting cringed out by his behavior because to me, being able to have a hobby is such a luxury, so it just frustrates me that he’s constantly complaining about it. What should I do???
1 comment
There is a lot to unpack here. First, let’s discuss the idea of ‘complaining’. Is chronic complaining a problem? It certainly can be…but if you were taught to never discuss your problems, vent your irritation, or have healthy conversations about negative things, then you parents did you a disservice. I don’t know how you were brought up, so I can’t know for sure that you were taught toxic positivity, but it seems like you might have been, and that’s not healthy.
Sharing your struggles and annoyances is part of being human. Your boyfriend may not be complaining about things that are really bothering him. He may be fussing over something else, but using his cars as something more accessible to complain about.
All of that said, it must be so frustrating to listen to him talk about the issues his hobby is causing, but feeling unable to even engage in one.
There is only one real solution to this: you have to talk to him. You need to let him know how this all strikes you. This may seem hard, since you may feel like you are complaining, but sharing concerns and joys is part of being human.
Don’t ask him to stop, but try to understand that, for many people, airing their grievances is a way to let them go.