Ok guys. So I’ve been talking with this girl for about a year. She works at a fast food restaurant and when I’m there, we just talk about stuff. In the past she’s described me to her workmates as “best friend” lol. I do consider her a friend. Thing is. I’ve recently discovered she’s 18. I want to date her but… I’m 12 years older than her! Do you guys think that’s wrong? She doesn’t know that I know she’s only 18. She also doesn’t know I’m 30. What do you guys think? Should I just let it go?
30 comments
You don’t want to date her. You’re in two different maturity categories. Be honest with yourself.
The most dominant and rich men always had their women younger than themselves. If you think you deserve her and she deserves you. You have to be responsible making choices, if you really wish best for her, think then, will she be happy with you, is that what she needs, and then ask yourself will you be happy with her, and is that what you need.
If she is mature enough there’s nothing wrong
Lol. If you have to ask, you already know the answer.
That’s a bad idea… remember yourself when you were 18. I’m same age as you and I dated 18 years old girls when I was 25 or so and back then it already felt strange
My uncle and aunt are 13 years apart and have been married 35 years with three kids
Uffff be honest heyyy!!! At least more so to yourself and allow her to see that side…
What’s the problem? Do you live somewhere that it’s illegal? As long as you’re not breaking any laws I think you should be fine. 🍻
Do it!
There’s nothing wrong, as long as both are adults.
**Yes. She’s still a teenager. She doesn’t have life experience or maturity.**
Also, this relationship likely won’t work out. You are at completely different life stages. She seems mature on the surface, but if you start dating her you’ll realize she’s actually a teenager.
No, its fine, why does this trigger americans so much
yup
How would it sound if you tell your parents/friends/aquaintances? Would you tell them? Spunds to me you’d be slightly emberassed, if not more. That’s all you need to know
What the hell. Yes, it is wrong. What kind of loser do you have to be that you can’t find women in their 20s or around your age.
How can a 30 yo mentally be so undeveloped that he sees a 18 yo as a potential partner. She will eventually grow up out of her daddy issues. Once she is in her mid/late twenties, this kind of women’s brain finally start to develop and they ditch that old loser who is by then almost 40. There was even a study which showed the bigger the age gap the more likely the relationship will fail.
So stop being a creep and find someone older than a teenager.
And all the creeps in the comment section who say go for it. Disgusting.
So You were 29 talking to a 17 year old and thinking about dating them? Yeah pretty weird mate, let it go.
Yes it’s wrong. Why were you talking to her when she was 17?! You’re a grown man ffs.
Now that you know, back off.
Ew
Yeah looks like everything’s been covered but hey, you’re not marrying her or something, just give it a shot. Because why not? If it doesn’t work out, you’ll break up and that’s it. That’s how life works. Better than being sorry later, I’d say just give it a shot.
I think it’ll not work out but why not try it?
I was the 17-year-old girl (legally) dating a 25-year old. He was a genuinely sweet and kind person and to this day, I’m convinced that it wasn’t an intentional power dynamic thing on his side.
However, looking back, i can say without the slightest doubt that, even though he really didn’t, i put a bunch of pressure on *myself* to constantly be mature enough, smart enough, interesting enough… you name it! … to be worthy of his time and to not be seen as a child by his friends. To some degree, it worked out alright, but it was also exhausting and did a bunch of emotional damage that i was only able to recognize after the relationship completely imploded after almost 8 years. In the end, i actually ended up falling behind in my emotional growth because to some degree, i always felt paralyzed by the thought that i would never „catch up to him“ anyways – even though i had actually outgrown him in many ways. Long story short, these kinds of age gap relationships where one partner is barely a legal adult can go horribly wrong, even if people go into them with the best intentions. Wouldn’t recommend until both partners are older.
I think it’s weird mostly because she’s still young and hasn’t had much life experience. Also, her frontal lobes still haven’t developed so the difference between 16 and 18 isn’t that much. She needs to live and grow a bit.
When I was 19 I was dating 38y policeman. I had a thing for uniforms back then. It was good experience for my age. We stayed together for 2 years. Then I moved on as I realised he’s too old for me. So that might happen to you too.
A 12 year age gap is something people would look at weird but how weird they look at it depends on the ages.
That being said, it really doesn’t look that good when that you pretty much started talking to her at 17.
It’s legal but a lot of people are going to give you side eye and judge including parents, friends, coworkers, family from both sides, etc. If you are willing to risk your reputation for that then by all means but honestly dude, there are other girls much closer to your age even if you prefer someone younger to you.
This is just one of those age gaps that are too much because one person has just become an adult and doesn’t really know the world or what they want from the world while the other one has been one for the better part of a decade and a half and is settling into late adulthood.
You are both adults. Date her and find out for yourself. Advice here will be both sides because it can either work out or not. But everybody is different.
You’ll find very immature people at 40 and very mature at 20. Follow your gut.
My best friend from high school married a guy who was 12 years older when she was 26. They are still married, but it sounds miserable.
I think you should realize the 18 year old may have a lot of hidden trauma that she is not aware of. That looks like maturity. Girls who have been through a lot with the family have to be independent and caregivers at a young age. They relate to older people but it is not really healthy. And for you, something doesn’t seem healed in you if you think an 18 year old is a potential partner. Let her go do something with her life and become her own person.
There is a guy on Instagram who does a whole bit about this guy Brian who is 30, divorced with kids and has an 18 year old girlfriend. If you recognize yourself in this, it’s not good.
Being thirty and dating someone who can’t buy a drink is kind of weird, I can’t lie.
that’s actually gross, u were talking to a 17 yr old. very much predator vibes. leave her alone
Honestly just do whatever you want. Who cares, it’s not illegal and as long as you don’t mind a bit of possible ridicule from the people you know who cares. I mean she might not even want to date you at the end of the day.
Just go for it if you want
Go for it man. Just imagine when you’ll be 90 you’ll have the memory of what it was like to be with a 18 year old.
I don’t normally condone this because for me any guy under my age has been a disaster and I know as a female my maturity level at 18, but she IS 18 and you seem to have a connection that could potentially grow. You admitted the age reveal wasn’t first apparent to you, an important detail that separates creep from normal interaction and sexuality and desire.
Some age gaps do work out, as long as you give room for her to grow in her way and not take a continuous upper hand (however boundaries are important and leaving room for her evolving boundaries and autonomy as well which will flourish if you love her right). There has to be room for her to blossom from younger woman to woman but this would be the case with any lady you choose. The fact you’re asking shows some maturity on your end, in my opinion. It’s not uncommon for older men to be a good choice for a younger woman, but I’d take it slow to reveal just how close to youthful she is. If she seems ready for bigger responsibilities and loyalty and is kind to you along with the ability to readjust to communicate through things with you, I don’t see the problem (and I don’t condone every or most situations like this…but I also have the experience of being younger with older men and the opposite of being the older one of men). These kinds of situations can go really really good or terribly wrong depending on temperaments and goals in life. If you expect her to pop out babies and be the submissive counterpart, it will go away. If you truly care about her and those are common goals, you may be picking out a loyal companion.
One thing I’d keep my eye on is how active is she on social media, how showy is she with her looks, is she open and flirty with lots of guys or does she reserve a special place for you, is your interaction special, does she have potential to value it? Do you have good intentions not just the appeal of lust and a playful good looking partner to toy with for however long it rides out? Are you truly wanting to love a woman, stand beside her, guide her, compromise and discuss? Do you share the same beliefs about faith, a family, career, money? If she gets older can you ride the cycles and seasons she will go through, are you along for the journey or is another man a better pick for the work of the journey in her youth? Do you expect her just to receive your sex or will you be committed to her ways of receiving pleasure when the initial attraction and lust wears off with time? These are questions I’d ask myself with any potential partner regardless of age but be extra careful with the tender heart of someone in their prime. If you’re not going to add to her life and waste her time and youth, allow another man to step in, but if you feel you can learn what the task requires, why not you?