Me and my husband have been married for around a year and a half. Unfortunately, i noticed a big deterioration in the amount of times we have sex, these days we could go for 2 whole weeks without any sexual activity going on. Note that i do take care of myself and i always tend to dress provocatively at home while also staying in good shape. However, i did notice him losing interest in anything sex related although we do have a good relationship other than that. When talking to him about it or raising concerns he just says that he didnt feel like it or wasnt thinking of it but that there is nothing wrong. However, it hurts me when i see couples that are all over each other and cant keep their hands off each other and i wish we could get that chemistry back. Has any of you went through this phase? And how did you cope? What advise would you give me to get the spark back on and get our sex life back on track? I feel like our sexual feelings towards one another have really faded way early on in the marriage and i am afraid that it would continue going downhill from there. I didnt think that it was normal for a guy to not be that into sex or just OK with it which really shocks me about my situation.
6 comments
Try changing up the scenery… I find that going to hotels, renting an Airbnb, etc can help put some people in a different mindset (basically disrupting the routine). Then go on a nice date doing something you both like (tasty but not too heavy of a dinner, wear something sexy, build the excitement, flirt throughout the night, go braless/pantyless, go dancing, etc).
I’m not sure if the issue is a “missing spark.”
If you’ve talked to him and he says there’s nothing wrong, then my thought would be that his sex drive is just lower than you, he or both of you thought.
Id try talking to him again and instead of asking him what’s wrong, just make it an open conversation about what May have changed or how does he feel about sex. Like I said, it seems like his sex drive might not be as high as yours. In such case, y’all need to talk about how you want to manage that difference
As counterintuitive as it sounds, I think scheduling sex is probably the correct solution to this kind of problem, at least as a first attempt.
Communicate to him that you’re not happy with the frequency, that there is a minimum amount of sex that you need to be happy, work with him to determine what the best days and time to have sex are, so he’s likely to be the least stressed or tired, and have a firm expectation that you will have sex at those times.
In return for him agreeing to commit to the schedule, offer to exchange something that he wants. A position, or act, or outfit you’ll wear, or whatever, just as long as he’s agreeing that it’s something that turns him on, so he’s buying into it.
Although this doesn’t sound like it would help with reintroducing the spark, a lot of couples report an increase in spontaneous sex frequency as a result of scheduled sex. At some point, you may no longer need the rigid or formal schedule anymore.
If he can’t commit or agree to the schedule, even at a modest initial level, then obviously you have to have a longer discussion about why that’s the case.
There is something wrong with him, I’ve been married for 5 years, we have a kid, and we have stronger feelings than before. Of course, we are having less sex than before, but because she is really tired, breastfeeding, waking multiple times during the night for the baby, etc…
But the moment i see her toes, i get really hard, feeling like medusa touched my penus. We have sex with stronger feelings.
I think you just have to stop asking for sex till he starts to be scared about it. I think he feels secure about you that he just knows that whenever he wants sex, you are there ready for him.
My wife suggested the 30 day challenge, that led to lots of other fun things.
A drop in sex drive is usually a sign of a larger problem. A health problem, an emotional problem. Guys don’t give up sex for no reason.