Obvious throwaway for the usual reasons.
Anyway, my boyfriend and I are in our early 30s, and lately we’ve been running into an issue around sex. I’m the higher libido partner, and we both know this, so I typically initiate sex, trying to keep in mind that our needs are different, but also making it known that I can’t be the only one initiating. To his credit, he does initiate more after our conversations surrounding this, so all good, right?
Wrong.
See, when he initiates, I need him to get me going (since if I were already going myself, I’d have probably been the one to start things off). So I ask for some things from him to warm me up. My favorite is a naked massage, and so I tell him that this is excellent foreplay for me and it’ll really get my gears turning. If he can hit all the spots right, nothing will get me ready like that will — sensual deep tissue massage just works like magic. The only problem is that by the time I’m ready to go, he claims to be exhausted — and I kind of believe him. His legs are trembling, he’s covered in sweat, sometimes his glucose monitor is yelling at him. Even if the last one hasn’t happened, he’s typically about as hard as a wet noodle by this point, and after I’m so worked up, he’s just incapable of entering me.
It’s obvious how this could be problematic, but I’m not sure where to go from here. Can’t have fun without foreplay, can’t have fun after foreplay. Any advice?
1 comment
A) It sounds like he has health issues that need to be better-managed before this can even be a thing.
B) “Naked sensual massage” isn’t an INITIATION, it’s kind of jumping face-first into the whole-wide thing, right? Are there other stops along that way that don’t involve stripping naked and setting up a foldable table when you’re not quite at the place of “let’s get naked” that you can cue him into… talk, suggestions, subtle touches… Because that is a LOT of “initiation” if there is a chance either partner might not be up for it.