Hi I’m (f31) and i have become soooo awkward around men especially men in relationships.
I had history of having all my previous male best friends ended up falling for me. And honestly I’m afraid to make new guy friends now because it feels like my effort of having lasting friendship always cut short over gender.
I also had TWO instances when i had to cut contact with my friends because their fiancé got insecure and cried( I dont want to be a home wrecker!)
I have hobbies that’s more commonly enjoyed by men so it’s really fun to talk about those hobby with guys. I have female friends too but they’re not interested in my hobby, and it’s hard to find female friends that does. So i do want male friends!
I mean the common denominator is me with so many failed friendships so maybe i did something wrong and i just want to figure out what can i do better.
So how to make sure that i don’t seem flirty/ making sure they won’t fall for me/ or making their s/o jealous?
Nowadays I’m just kind of awkward/guarded towards male friends to be extra careful and considerate with their s/o
9 comments
By just talking normally
Constantly refer to yourself as FartyButtButt, that will remove any flirtatious nature of any conversation 😂
Along the lines of “ so I, FartyButtButt, was at the shops today and I, FartyButtButt, saw this crazy old man outside the store. He stopped and looked at me, FartyButtButt, and It made me, FartyButtButt, fell so creeped out.”
I’m sorry but my dyslexia kicked in after reading your username. For a moment there I thought you were asking how to talk to a guy without seeming farty. I was about to say let it out first before talking to him.
Groups – speaking to groups of people, say from an activities group meet or something of that nature, particularly if you have hobbies, see if there’s any local group meets for that activity; it’s a good way to keep things Platonic. Also, just practice, doing it more & more, you become more comfortable & each interaction becomes less of a big deal, meaning you’re more relaxed over time. The fact is, some are going to see it has flirty, but not all. Good luck 🙂
Here’s the thing. Without specifics about what you do that might mirror certain social cues, I can’t say anything other than just being yourself. And I know that’s not helpful. Unfortunately, society partially encourages the thought process from other people even though you’re just being normal.
Especially considering that so many males don’t really have a good concept of a genuinely nice female friend. Either they assume you’re interested because in their minds “why else would you be nice” or they develop an interest themselves because “no one else has ever been this nice”
Don’t giggle a lot, avoid back and forth “banter”, no physical contact,
Don’t ask too many personal questions or seem overly caring. Be extra nice to the SO.
Find a bf. Let your guy friend know you have a bf right at the start.
1. Being upfront about what relationship you want with them friend/boyfriend.
2. Talk more about things than the personal stuff.
3. Don’t ask too much about their lives, and let them start conversations more often.
4. Walk in more boring clothes, or less tight clothing.
5. Don’t be too close physically, less handshakes and hugs.
6. Stay away from conversations about sex.
7. It is impossible to avoid it from happening, because guys are horny AF, so find good ways to handle it when it happens.
Technically it’s not a you problem, it’s a they problem. There is no way to guarantee that your male friends won’t develop interest for you, unless they don’t like women or are already engaged, monogamous and faithful. For the fiancée/girlfriend/whatever thing, if they can’t deal with their insecurity, it’s not your problem as well.
If you’re someone they like being around, have good looks and are their type, it’s kinda natural that this interest develops into something more. But this isn’t the problem, the problem is on the fact that after you say no, they can’t deal with that and continue a healthy friendship. For instance, I have a nice friendship for almost 10 years with a girl I once had a casual thing, we just decided it would be better if we kept being just friends, that’s it. I also have two other female friends I was interested in, they weren’t interested in me, everything is fine, were still friends until now.
So my advice would be to try and focus on people that are secure about themselves and can treat women as human beings like them, not objects to be conquered. Which is really hard, and it sucks, but it is what it is.