I (22F) have orgasm-less sex. And I’m so sick and tired of it.

19 comments

1. The length of PIV sounds normal– you are likely in the majority of women who can’t cum from PIV. You might be able to, but just in terms of probability you have a better chance if you focus on clitoral orgasms.

   -have you been receiving oral?

   -have you tried using a vibrator during PIV?

   -have you tried a clit sucking toy, rather than just a vibrator? They are stronger/more intense.

   Many women struggle to orgasm even on their own and even with toys. Yes, I know it’s fucking depressing. But my suggestion is to try and make yourself cum more easily first via masturbation by trying a variety of toys and stimulation (dildo+vibe etc). With a partner, always ask for oral and/or fingers. But don’t expect a partner to make you cum when you can’t cum easily/reliably by yourself. Your expectations will get you down.

2. I’ve been there, several times and I found that I was thinking too much about it as In It was in the back of my mind. Obviously it’s easier said than done to just forget about it and relax but maybe longer foreplay and talking more, finding out what really gets you going etc.. Hope it helps but definitely a cop out if you got to do it yourself

3. Stop having sex with guys that don’t give a shit about your needs. Find someone who adores and respects you, someone who will listen to you when you tell them what you do and don’t like.

   Communicate clearly, express yourself honestly, and if your partner can’t reciprocate that then the sex probably won’t be good.

   Lastly, I totally recommend foreplay. The longer the better. I [31M] just discovered all day foreplay with my wife and now our sex is on full blast. Our sex in our early 20s totally sucked, it’s just a learning experience, y’know?

4. 33F here. Here’s what I think.

   >the men I’ve been with don’t last particularly long (5-8 mins tops

   That’s pretty average. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration but using a vibrator during it can be a game changer. I like the Lelo Nea. It’s flat and kinda fits between your bodies.

   >maybe foreplay isn’t long enough?

   Maybe! More is almost always better, especially when it’s focused on you and your pleasure.

   >And for clitoral orgasms, it’s even a struggle doing it for myself with a vibrator.

   You’ll get better over time. Having orgasms with someone else will get easier the better you are at doing it for yourself. It also helps to practice having orgasms alone in different positions (on your back, on your tummy, legs open, legs closed).

   >Every guy I’ve been with has told me to just “make myself feel good” which always feels like such a cop out. I just want someone to MAKE me feel good

   Your instincts are spot on and don’t settle for anything less than someone who is enthusiastic about getting you off.

   >Any pointers?? Ways I can communicate

   Part of it is finding the right person you have chemistry with and who offers pleasure without being asked. Then it’s easy to say “I like X and Y”. It doesn’t need to be a whole big conversation. You’ll want to get good at giving short verbal feedback in the moment like “rub in circles” or “more gentle” or “faster” or whatever. If a man tries to penetrate you before you’ve had your orgasm, you can just say “I’m not ready yet” as a cue for him to get to work.

5. You have to find partners who love oral and will make you come before PIV even begins. Say, ‘I like it best if I come before we do intercourse’.
   If you’re with partners who doodle around a little and then go to intercourse, you’ll never get there. Always come first, either with fingers or oral. Insist on it.

6. Do you get close during PIV, is there progress to an orgasm?

7. Pick better partners – preferably givers

8. More than likely this is mental rather than physical, based on the difficulty getting yourself off. So, more foreplay (and more importantly foreplay that works for you) is on the books. As for PIV, try different angles so your partners’ penis hits different spots. Side of bed where he has an upward angle against your g-spot works well for many women. Others find doggy style hits the right spot.

   Also, do they go down on you? If someone can get you off that way, you at least have pleasure. And once your body orgasms, it is often easier with PIV sex to have another one.

   As for 5-8 minutes, I would agree that is not a long time, especially if you are including foreplay. But studies show 7 minutes from start to finish is average for married couples, so not completely out there. To me, 5-8 minutes is a quickie and I find it hard to have quickies, as I want my partner to have pleasure (women have far more orgasmic potential and should have multiple orgasms in a session, at least IMO).

   I agree with your partner that you should not be afraid to make yourself feel better, but if that is what you do every time, they aren’t really trying. If they are interested in you, they should be trying.

9. Do you stimulate yourself during vaginal intercourse? If so, then what happens?

   I had someone in a long-term relationship and she has never orgasmed from vaginal intercourse and neither from oral. Only manual stimulation during anal. There have been other tricks, such as beginning with ejaculation in the vagina, then her using my erect penis to stimulate herself and that is something that actually is a very enjoyable middle ground.

10. Get rid of the vibrator and get a clit sucker… Game changer.

11. Im married and pretty good at reading the room so i might be biased but my foreplay is the length of a few minutes longer than when im asked to move on to heavier tools, sometimes its 10 minutes, sometimes its 40 minutes.

    I anyway last anywhere between 2 to 5 seconds so PIV is kind of a dead end without lengthy rubbing, fingering satisfyering etc

    As for you getting to know your body, only you can do that 🤷‍♂️ or find yourself a partner who is able to read what you like and continue developing on that, but once hes gone, that learning is gone with him

12. You say that you struggle to orgasm even by yourself. You need to know how your body works, how to relax and what you like/dislike before you are able to orgasm with other people.

    Practice more by yourself. Then maybe you can also communicate your preferences and have good experiences with other partners.

13. OK, so first up 5 mins and more is well above average for most guys in piv. I think the average is 4 to 6 mins though others may know better. After this it’s about communication, experimentation and finding your mutual boundaries.
    Don’t let a guy put it in if he isn’t willing to do the things that make you feel good… it will certainly help if you can tell him what those are but being experimental and finding each others preferences is the best part of early relationships. Before it gets to penis and clitoris, if it makes him feel good it makes her feel good so use his responses as a guide to what he should do to turn you on. Finally, have the conversation about what you are both comfortable with in the moment … if he’s OK watching you masturbate and you are OK doing it he will learn by seeing what you do, are you both comfortable bringing toys into the experience? Sorry for the ramble, hopefully this gives you your starter for ten.

14. Oral before, get yours first. It’s really common to not o from piv alone. Use a vibe or whatever works to get you there. And stopp sleeping with people who don’t care if you get off.

15. Whenever I hear people say there are women that can’t cum from PIV, I die a little inside. I’ve never slept with a woman that did not cum during PIV. And 5-8 minutes time is trash. Would recommend finding more experienced partners. You are 22, so maybe you can date guys that are 25+ who have a greater likelihood of getting you the results you want.

    How you feel and how your partner makes you feel during sex can and will impact your ability to cum during PIV and any other kind of stimulation for that matter, so having an experienced partner that knows the right things to say/do to you is extremely important. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can control when it comes to that, but like I said before, just date older guys and eventually you’ll find one that is a god in bed.

16. 1. Touch yourself throughout PIV. That’s what I normally do, and it always works.

    2. Look up CAT position. CAT position is the only way I’ve found that I can cum from PIV without having to touch myself. You basically need a guy to angle himself so that he hits your clit as he thrusts.

17. This sounds so familiar! Sometimes I can get off from PIV alone, other times I need to help myself. When I’m alone, it’s usually penetration + external stimulation or external alone. Honestly, my level of arousal makes or breaks it. Whenever I feel “pressured” to orgasm with a partner, that’s the nail in the coffin that guarantees I will not! Try some solo sessions and explore what turns YOU on. Watch some porn, read or listen to some sexy audio books, or just alone with your thoughts! Play and experiment with 0 pressure. That way, you will know how to guide a partner (because sometimes they need help) or you will know what your body needs to get there. 😊

18. What kind of vibrator are you using? I have a difficult time finishing with battery powered vibrators. I need a really strong one, like a plug in massager. I have a Doxy but I think the Magic Wand brand is a good one to look into also.

    I was never able to orgasm during sex except when I was actually in a relationship with someone. I think I was just too self conscious with casual hookups.

    Also I need a lot of foreplay. The longer the better. That isn’t something I felt happened very often with hookups. You need to find a sex partner that is focused on helping you feel good, not just telling you to take care of it yourself. It’s hard to give specific advice on this because I don’t know who you have sex with or how you meet them or what kind of relationship you have with them.

    But I will say it’s gotten better as I’ve gotten older. I had almost 30 partners by the time I was 22 and I only came with 3 of them and all 3 were boyfriends. I’m 37 now and one of those boyfriends is now my husband. And while I could make myself cum during sex it wasn’t until 9 years of being together that he was able to make me cum without me helping.

19. Give your partner a viagra or cialis he’ll last at least an hour or more. Long enough for u to orgasm a few times before he cums ones. I’m speaking from experience. I use to last about 20-45 minutes then I started using steroids with viagra and now I can last as long as I want. Find u someone that uses steroids like a gym rat and u won’t be disappointed. Good luck