I’m not a religious woman but I went with my boyfriend to his weekly church group event for young adults since he really wanted to go. When I was there my boyfriend was talking to people there after the event and talked to a guy I’ve never met before named Adam. A couple of times Adam tried to say hi or talk to me but after acknowledging him the first time I wasn’t in the mood to talk more than that to anyone there besides my boyfriend. At one point while my boyfriend was still taking to that guy I walked a couple of steps towards the door out but wasn’t planning to walk out, just was going to wait there until they were done, and then Adam immediately stopped the conversation to ask if we were leaving, and then my boyfriend said not yet, although I mentioned to him then that I did want to head out soon.
A little later my boyfriend walked away to say hi to a couple of other people and then Adam asked me if he offended me somehow. I felt like I had to respond even though I really didn’t want to talk so I just said that he didn’t but I didn’t feel like talking. He started saying that “to be frank”, me ignoring him was rude (even though I didn’t completely ignore him and had acknowledged him with a nod). I responded by again saying that I didn’t feel like talking and he repeated that “to be frank” it was rude, and I said that it wasn’t anything personal and that I just didn’t want to talk to anyone there. He still went on saying that “to be frank” it was rude, which I expected he was going to repeat again instead of leaving me alone, and at that point I just said that I’m sorry he feels that way but I didn’t want to talk to him, and then he blurted “Okay bye!” and stormed away with an attitude.
After that I decided to walk out of there and just go to wait outside at my boyfriend’s car to leave since that experience made me very uncomfortable. I feel like the way I approached the situation was valid and wasn’t rude or ignorant. I’m actually a pretty social person once I know someone a little bit, but I don’t always feel comfortable in every situation when someone I just met that minute tries to have a conversation with me right away, especially when they automatically feel entitled to having a conversation with me.
5 comments
“to be frank”, that sounds like his own problem
“You keep saying that, but I could have sworn your name was Adam, not Frank.”
“Okay, Adam, that’s what you feel is the case. I’m fine with how I’m going, good day.” and head off.
He’ll repeat the ‘frank’ script because it’s about trying to demand your attention. And your boyfriend seemed to keep you around him.
He was the one that was rude to force to to try to talk to him. Even more so if you have never been there. It is your right not to talk to people if you don’t want to.
Bit hard to gauge this one without context. I can’t tell from the post how friendly your nod was or how aggressive Adam was.
But prima facie, it’s literally a social event so people who want to converse aren’t acting “entitled”. What Adam did seemed normal given the situation (unless that’s not how this particular event works?)
I think you could’ve made some small talk and then excused yourself to the washroom or to grab some food. If you truly lacked the energy to make harmless small talk on that day, maybe you should’ve sat the event out.