I have a classmate in college who is very intelligent and fun to talk to. I’ve actually learned quite a lot from things he’s told me. However, he tends to drag on conversations on and on and it becomes draining especially when he’s discussing something I have little knowledge on, when I have no feedback to give, or when I’m just not in the best mood that day.
I guess I’m a people-pleaser as this is a trap I find myself getting caught in almost all the time when speaking with someone who is talkative. I don’t want to be rude so I will let them talk on until they either finally stop or if they or I have something that needs to be tended to and holds priority over the conversation. There have been times where I’m late to something or have less time for something when I get caught in this scenarios.
Connecting back to the classmate- I wanted to study a bit for the quiz we were taking and he continued to talk to me up until the quiz began and I wanted so badly to say “Ok, just let me do this thing I need to do please.” I get very annoyed in these instances.
It seems like a lot of people are not aware of when they are talking to much and don’t pick up on cues. If I notice a conversation is one sided when I’m talking and it’s not because they’re listening to a story or asking me to answer a question that requires a long answer, I will paused and let the other person give their two cents.
How do I tell people to shh after talking so long?
12 comments
[Shift tone of voice] “Well I gotta bounce. It’s been great talking to you!”
Hey I need to do X. It was nice talking to you! See you again!
I totally get it, dealing with talkative people can be exhausting. In situations like this, I find it helpful to be direct but polite. You can say something like, “Hey, I really need to focus on this quiz/study right now. Can we catch up later?” It’s important to set your boundaries and prioritize your own needs without coming off as rude.
I need some quiet so I can focus. I’ll let you know when we can start chatting again. Put in ear plugs or headphones.
Slap your knees gently, say, “Well, I gotta get going.” stand up, wave and say goodbye
[removed]
It was great catching up! I really need to get back to my work/studying/etc.
If this is too hard to start using on a ‘real’ case- ask a friend to practice. Just cut in with ‘hey mike’ or whoever. And say , sorry to cut you off but I just need to focus.
Have the other person start with ok, and when maybe get confrontational. Learn too be comfortable with saying no. Learn to expect the anxiety, and let it pass through you and let it go.
It is a great skill to have.
> he continued to talk to me up until the quiz began
In this instance, I would have said “I want to do a bit of revision before the quiz, talk after?”
In general, I’ll say something like “Hey, I’ve got some things to get done. Talk again soon?”
It was nice catching up. I’ve got to (if at a party) say hi to a few people (if not at a party) tend to some things. Let’s talk again later!
You don’t need to tell them what to do, you tell them what you’re going to do.
“I’m going to study in a minute, so at that point I can’t talk or listen”
“Okay, great, but I have to study now”
“I’m studying, can’t talk! *turn back to what you’re doing, do not wait for them to give you the okay to turn back, just do so*”
Some people hate anyone having boundaries though, so get ready for that.
I like to say, “ok, not to be a jerk but I really gotta do X – what a pain in the ass!”
Then to not be too curt
“See you later?/talk later?/I’ll find you later on?” Etc.
This ends the convo, makes it clear that it was more fun talking to them then the task you’re about to undergo and that you’d like to speak to them again soon when you’re free.