I had sex for the first time then again a second time (18-19F), (26M) the experience was well worth it we had a mutual agreement that it was no feelings involved but then we had a conversation where he said we could possibly be in a relationship then another female got involved even though he claimed he wasn’t talking to said female it’s like he became a dick overnight he even ghosted/ blocked then proceeded to unblock. what do i do now😭
42 comments
You move on.
No feelings ever works.
Learn the lesson that some guys just want sex, grieve the loss of someone you cared for (even if you agreed not to), and move on.
Move on or realize you are 2nd
You stop being an immature baby and move on
So, what do you want to do then?
Lol classic story. It happens to me too when I was 15. He was sweet and lovely then the day after was a different person
Unfortunately, this is him expressing that he doesn’t know what he wants, but doesn’t have the balls to verbally communicate it.
For you specifically, when somebody doesn’t know what they want, that’s all you need. Know your worth and stop being their option, by removing yourself like a choice.
Move on, it’s over. “We could possibly be in a relationship”, that’s not “I want to date you” that’s “let me think about it more and if nothing better pops up I’ll date you”, this proves that.
There’s not a lot more to look into, even if he did want a relationship with you at the time, he’s now no longer interested in you in that way and that shows by his behaviour. Even if he suddenly changes his mind, do you really want to be second choice, knowing that he dropped you for this girl at one point, to that point that he ghosted you
Edit: spelling
He is not just being a dick, he set the grounds for you to question yourself and made it possible for you to take him back whenever he’s horny and his right hand is giving him the silent treatment. At 26 he should be mature enough to let you know where he stands and not ghost and block you without even saying the truth. BUT you do not need to hear him tell you anything now. You can feel a bit lovey-dovey to him because of the (I assume good, although with your experience atm it could be just too little data) sex and happy hormones you associate with him.
You, yourself, agreed to no feelings attatched meaning you did not fancy him romantically so much, right? If you only fancy him now because of the sex and the confusion he caused, fuck him. Block, delete, move on. Find somebody who will not bullshit you like him.
People can change, relationship can change. I feel for you…but it’s his free will. Do not show him you are weak. Lessons learned
Simple, end whatever’s going on.
Why did he tell you he wants relationship? Cause he wanted you to be attached with him. You don’t wanna move on cause he took your virginity. It’s the first time you’ve had such intimacy with someone in your life. He even ghosted you?
You gotta understand he’s 26. He’s a grown ass man. At this point he has plenty people.
You’re just 18-19, a girl who just turned adult. You will meet alot of people. Why do you think some people wanna date/have sex with only younger people? It gives them control and full freedom to manipulate cause they know they’re naive. He knew what he was doing.
Its just you had a new experience and your brain has attached itself to it. Not even him. You should make yourself understand it’s not worth it. Your feelings are valid but again, he’s not worth it.
Fuck that move on you are young. Don’t waste your life on that dude.
He didn’t “take” anything from you, you had consensual sex and now he is not interested in having a relationship with you, which you mutually agreed before having sex.
Move on. He doesn’t owe you anything.
Getting to know people and building trust before you have sex with them reduces your risk of this happening.
You take this as a learning experience as to why it’s important to screen future sexual partners.
Because he was always a dick, you just didn’t see it.
There’s a reason a 26 year old is going for an 18/19 yo
“we had a mutual agreement that it was no feelings involved”
I’m glad the actual experience was great, but so sorry you’re dealing with his bad behavior now. He sounds like too much drama to bother with, especially with another girl involved. Just block him and move on.
Move on and forget about him. Sounds like he was being dirty to try and take something from you, V. You are lucky you got this info before to much time was invested
Brace yourself because there’s a bunch more out there just like him.
Lucky for you, you got to see the moves beforehand so it should be easier to read the next guys intentions before you proceed w them.
Move on. There’s no point wasting time chasing someone that ain’t interested.
26 y/o thinking nothing about snatching virginity. Sounds like a scum bag.
Why do you like him?
girl i feel you so deep. met a guy a couple weeks ago, thought we had a real connection and i really liked him. we had a convo before the hookup abt how we both don’t like meaningless or one night stands and that we actually wanted to get to know eachother and hang out more. well, after sex. ghosting. men suck.
You learn from this experience. Next time you need to vet a guy better before sleeping with him.
Treat this as a learning experience. You can’t create logical rules around an emotional act. It’s as useful to tell yourself “don’t catch feelings” as it is to tell yourself “don’t think of a pink elephant.” It doesn’t work that way. You feel what you feel.
It’s normal to want what you can’t have. In a few years, you’ll look back and laugh at this. He fed you lines so he could keep sleeping with you, then blocked and ran away when he sensed you were getting attached. That’s typically shitty playboy behavior. Just know your self worth and move on.
People are calling you immature because you aren’t taking no for an answer. Flip the genders and listen to how creepy that sounds. “I agreed no strings attached, but she brought up a relationship… now she’s talking to another guy and won’t talk to me, she even blocked me… I don’t want to let go, I want her, I gave her all of me and I like her. I just want her to talk to me! (I know I can convince her! I have to! It just makes too much sense for us to be together!)”
Thats you. And while trust me, I get it, you won’t change this situation. I am sorry, but you are not special. This world is not your love story, and sometimes things won’t work out no matter what you try or how you feel. If he liked you, he wouldn’t have blocked you, he wouldn’t have been involved with another girl, and he especially wouldn’t have tried to hide it.
Relationships (even non-romantic ones) take both people to work. If he doesn’t want to be involved with you, that’s it, no discussion the relationship is over. Your choice is how you handle it. You can either accept the reality and move on on your own terms, or delude yourself into thinking you have a chance and keep trying to force it. And make no mistake, regardless of what you choose, the relationship won’t happen. No amount of sex or argument will change that. Moving on will hurt, not moving on will hurt more.
Sounds like he has a GF and you are his side piece. Him blocking you was probably him trying to fix things with her. Id move on and find someone else and learn from this experience.
Move on girl. Yes, he was your first but won’t be your last. You’re young. Enjoy yourself. If he blocked you and unlblocked you he just wants more sex and that’s gonna totally mind fuck you.
Clearly you’re a little stuck and that’s totally understandable, so I wanna give you a step by step on how to get unstuck from this man who ain’t shit.
Let yourself feel angry, sad, whatever you’re feeling. You can miss him or the person you thought you were giving yourself to. That’s okay. You can be angry that he’s being such a dick, that he’s a liar. You can be sad that the relationship you wanted is no longer accessible. You can even feel really horny and annoyed about it because now you can’t really satisfy that without feeling a type of way about it right now. Whatever you want.
Block and delete everywhere you have him. Not everyone has to do that, but you seem really in the waters right now, and it would be for the best for your mental health.
Throw yourself into something else for now. Hang out with your friends, hang out with yourself, explore your body and figure out what it wants, find out what could be different about the next person.
Happened to me except we had liked each other and he wanted nothing to do with me afterwards. I was shocked because he really did make it seem like he liked me and wanted a life with me, but in the end, I just had to accept that some people really just want sex. Some people will say anything to get it.
This is also partially the reason why they don’t want sex before marriage in some cultures.
you say it was mutual that no feelings were involved.
But in the comments it seems that you have lots of feelings for this guy.
Older guys should know better than to sleep w virgins with no feelings involved -it never works. Sadly he DOES KNOW BETTER, and used these tactics to get with you. Try dating people your own age and you will be taken advantage of less.
You had a mutual agreement that no feelings were involved, and now you’ve got feelings and he doesn’t.
Well done, I hope you learned something.
Don’t attach yourself to this guy. You really wanna chase someone that you’ve proclaimed as being a dick? Respect yourself. You’re just hyper bonding, it’s not real
You had a mutual agreement that there were no feelings involved. The sex was good. You said worth it. End of story. Except then you caught feelings. That’s not his fault.
You guys had a conversation where he said you could POSSIBLY start a relationship. And then it didn’t work out. So far he’s done nothing wrong. You agreed upon something and he’s sticking to it.
You’re young, it was your first. There’s all kinds of hormones and chemicals making you believe you love this guy. You don’t. Move on, he has. Don’t worry, he wasn’t the one or anything. You will feel this way again. (And probably again and again and again…)
I don´t understand, what is there to do? You both had a mutual agreement of not involving any feelings, which he seems to have followed to the letter.
What I recommend is that, if you´re feeling like he´s acting like a dick, just tell him that or ask him what´s up.
You´re not at any loss here, you´ve both benefited from your agreement, as you said. If you´d like to change that, just say so.
It does seem like he´s kind of a dumbass, though. Ghosting/blocking and similar idiocies are bad signs. If that´s the case, just move on. There are plenty of other people in the world, don´t get attached to those that signal that they don´t want to be around.
Good luck, I hope you feel better soon!
Listen OP, you’re young and naive. That’s not an insult, it’s just the facts. He used you for sex, and planted the seeds of “feelings” in case he ever wants to hit you up at 2am after he’s already struck out at the bars. You’re young enough to learn now that you will only ever be treated the way you allow yourself to be treated. If you continue to allow him (or anyone else) to use you and walk all over you, talk to you in a certain type of way, etc, then they’re going to continue to do so. Value yourself more than that, you’re better than that. If someone isn’t treating you the way you like, move on. It’s often easier said than done, but the more you respect yourself, the more others will respect you. Otherwise you’ll have no one to blame but yourself for the way you’re treated in the future. Best of luck.
Hands down he’s not worth it. Sounds like he unblocked you just to have you as a security blanket.
So here is my advice: go after him!! If after reading all these comments you still can’t grasp what the comments are warning you about, then you go scratch your itch. Heck!! You could prove us all wrong and then tell us about your success. We may learn something from you. I do wish you all the luck w this experience. In life sometimes you’re the only person that believes in you. It’s perfectly normal.
And, I’m sorry you’ve been mislead and treated the way he has done to you. You did nothing wrong in the end. You were honest and earnest. I cannot tell you if that guy was lying or if he had a sudden change in heart. People are allowed to change their mind once new information is received. Free will to choose can be curse or a gift.
However, your situation reads exactly like a million others. While it may be your first time coming across behavior like this, the comments to your post should indicate that you got misled by one of THE OLDEST CONS in the No-Good-Conman book. It’s so unfortunate, again you didn’t deserve this based on what you wrote. This guy may not be an evil person however his behavior is what’s considered as inconsistent ( possibly lying). NO ONE should have to endure such inconsistent treatment especially if that person cares about you ( he doesn’t bc always you believe actions not their words ).
Unfortunately, when it comes to matter of the heart we all have a difficult time learning lessons the first time. Some people never learn. So you go live out this experience but either way it will be a lesson: I hope it’s a positive one for you.
Speaking for myself, I would like to hear back about this experience.
This thread reminds us all of how stupid and immature we once were lol.
Take care of yourself OP. Don’t let yourself get taken advantage of
Drop it. There’s plenty of good dick in the sea.
He used you. got what he wanted and now your seeing the real him. im sorry this happened to you. there is no doubt he will probably reach out again at some point and tell you everything you want to hear. But what he really wants will be sex again.. DONT DO IT. Learn from this mistake and don’t let him keep hurting you. Thats the only thing that will happen. i know its hard and you dont want to walk away but you must. you will find someone that will love and cherish you, he’s, not it.