BF won’t open up about sex

Hello guys,

after reading through this subreddit I got inspired to seek out some advice myself since I’ve becoming more frustrated about my sex life lately.

Both my bf and I are 30 and we’ve been together fro 1,5 years. I’ve had a more or less (mostly less) successful sex life continuously since age 16, he had some girlfriends but before me he was single for about seven years.

Our sex life started out really great. He was horny and intenesely hot and heavy for me which really turned me on. It was fun and easy, he had a hard time making me cum but I was quite content for some time with how things were and often we used a vibrator after sex to make me cum too.

After about half a year he got very depressed for around 8 months. He was contemplating dropping his master’s studies and this weighed heavily on him. I supported him during this time and except for occasional complaints from my side I was content with us having little to no sex since I knew from my past experiences how stress can affect sex drive and how it is to feel like you \*have\* to have sex. Huge turnoff, so I was respectful and hopeful for the future.

Well, around 5-6 months ago, he took the leap dropped his degree, and started working full-time. But our sex life didn’t recover as I hoped it would. In the first weeks, he initiated sex when he was drunk, but there were fewer such occasions and I was also not happy that we only had sex when he drank, so we had a couple of talks. We talked several times about how I don’t feel desired. I don’t need much, I’m really happy with having sex about once a week depending on how stressful everything is, but it feels like for him it’s not even not a priority, but completely uninteresting. Especially compared to the beginning of our relationship it just dried out.

We were in a LDR for the first 8 months or so, I moved in with him in March. We have sex around every 1,5-2 weeks and it feels like I have to initiate it all the time or make arrangements with him (like a date when we’re gonna have sex).

It’s not like he’s not been compromising, but I don’t want to force him to have sex. It just feels like other things like gaming are always a priority, I even asked him about his past sex drive or if he masturbates. Here comes another thing: he’s \*very\* unwilling to talk about those things. He’s not open to any of my kinks which for me is not an absolute dealbreaker but really saddening. He won’t watch porn or hentai together with me to get it going, he doesn’t like dirty talk, and even though I’ve told him countless times that it’s too fast for me, the foreplay is just about 5-10 minutes starting with the first kiss and it’s often not enough time for me to get really turned on and to cum. He navigates way too fast for my taste towards my private parts and I just can’t seem to be able to get through to him to put my needs first during foreplay.

I’m asking for advice on how to approach this topic and get him more sex-positive. He has some sensitive issues as he thinks private parts are kinda disgusting (washed his hands three times after touching his own dick, won’t kiss me after BJ and anal is an absolute no-no) and it’s not only about sex, he’s a little OCD all around.

How do I approach the topic and “compromise” with him without feeling like I’m forcing him to do anything? I went as far as asking him if he maybe wanted to look it up a little online on how to be better at foreplay but I feel really bad about it and I don’t know how to communicate my needs in a productive manner. Is it fair to ask him for a “compromise” like either watching something sexy together or doing more dirty talk?