20 yo male. I have ADD and anxiety, Maybe autism Im currently finding out. I Got the diagnostics half a year ago, I’m also handling the symptoms as best as I can.
But I mask my symptoms, my ego won’t allow me to relax and accept who I am. Why do I have these tendencies and why can’t I just let go?
When I drink alcohol, I can be myself. But rarely without. It’s a struggle because I want to be valued but I ruin everything by not acknowledging who I am and accepting it.
I tried asking myself via. A notebook to try and find an awnser and in public I started telling myself. “Why do you care about others validating you?!”
I usually can’t find an awnser other than I do it to protect myself, but I force myself to speak. For example I was in a class today where I learned about ADHD, and I forced myself to ask questions. People could relate, but my ego is like trying to take attention in. And suddenly I want to be funny, and so I try to be serious.
It’s a battle inside my head, and I reconize when people see my ego. It’s frustrating because I would be accepting just being me. But I always want something and man I’m just fcking confused about everything
2 comments
You’ll be okay mate
Seek therapy or a counselor. There’s nothing you’ll hate more than spending decades on feeling this type of way. You’re going to do great! Breath and live your young life without looking for outward validation the best you can. I understand about how you feel with alcohol but that’s a slippery slope so be careful with that