I don’t think he respects me

I don’t know if I’m taking this wrong or not. My husband can be very disrespectful IMO, but I’m not sure if I’m over reacting or if he really is just being an ass. Earlier today he was playing CyberPunk and drinking a bit. I was sitting next to him watching as he likes when I sit next to him while he plays. I mentioned how one of the characters was a lesbian and I was reading that women where upset because men were making mods to sexualize her (the mods he is using btw) and make her straight and it was frustrating being a woman in a world where we can’t even exist as a lesbian without some men sexualizing us. He went off for a good hour about how I can’t control people and they should be able to do what they want, but I never said I wanted to change anyone or anything and I never even said I personally was upset about it. I was just mentioning how some women felt about something. The whole argument was a bit ridiculous in my opinion as I was just mentioning something I read and the topic went all over the place from the original topic to sexual assault and he victim blamed me when I told him about me being molested in the store at 14 saying it was my parents fault for not teaching me to stand up for myself and make a scene… it was really disheartening. He actually stuck his finger in my face at one point and I pushed it away.

This type of thing happens a lot when I mention things of that nature. (Anything that could be considered feminist ideals really) It usually turns into an argument, almost like he feels the need to defend himself? But I’m not accusing him of anything, just mentioning things I’ve read or how I feel about stuff. I don’t know how I haven’t learned to just stop talking about it yet though… I guess that’s my fault.

Later when we were watching TV I asked him if he respected me. To which he just replied yes. I explained that his actions don’t make me feel respected and he kept watching the TV… so I paused the show. He immediately picks up his phone and I ask him to please put it down and show me some respect to which he refused saying that he needs to do two things at once cause he is ADHD… and some other stuff that I can’t really remember cause it felt like he was just pulling shit out of his ass and trying to gaslight me. I told him that it’s funny that when he wants to hold me up from going to the store for 2 hours to talk (more like lecture) about how I discipline MY kids he doesn’t have an issue not being on his phone or looking at me, but when I want to talk about something he can’t be bothered… I did get fed up and I grab his phone and tossed it on the ground, which I know was wrong… I just asked him so many times to please put it down and speak to me and it was like a flip switched and I wanted the phone gone now. he of course left the room which is understandable. I would have too… now I’m just sitting here crying….

I don’t know what to do. When things are good, they are really good… but when they are like this it makes me feel like I need to get out now and never look back. I can’t tell if he is a misogynist, a stubborn ass, just arguing for the sake of arguing or what the hell is going on… but whatever it is. I hate it.

I want to go to counseling, but I can’t get him to agree on a time to go or even make the appointment with me. I’ve mentioned it a lot. I don’t think he is opposed. I think he is just lazy and honestly selfish would rather stay home and play games.