Trouble making friends and loneliness

I have been quite lonely for these past 3 years after covid began and I changed school. At first I enjoyed all the me time I had. I moved with my grandma away from my parents because I could live a more laid back life there away from the stress. Most of the time I spent alone was watching youtube and playing video games. After some time I realised I have formed an video game addiction and so I stopped it which also caused me to become completely alone because all my “friends” just wanted to play games with me, nothing more, nothing less. Well I still contacted with them time to time, but not much.

Recently I dropped all contact with them because I felt like I deserved better friends. So now I have absoulutly no friends and am feeling lonely. I spend most of my time listening to my favorite music, jamming my guitar which I started learning a year ago just for fun, watching anime/movies, eating, watching reddit and youtube and that’s about it. Well it’s not like I gave up on completly everything, no, I still workout time to time and eat healthy to keep myself into good shape, study well for school though I don’t have any specific goals on what should I learn for my career and try to make some small talk sometimes to not become a complete loner.

I would love to get some close friends and would beg for such, yet it feels like everyone tries to distance themselves from me. I am not quite sure why, perhaps there’s just something off about my aura or something. Maybe it’s my dead face which people find unappealing or maybe it’s that they can sense me being sorta anxious and worried when around people, idk.

I went one time to talk to a psychiatrist about this and he suggested me to be my true self and then friends would come. Well the thing is, my true self is a person who sits at home all day and just listens to music and browses the web. How the hell is the real me supposed to make any friends?

Anyways this loneliness is killing me. I want people to love me, but I don’t want to do what it takes to love others.

I can’t focuss on really anything else except my emotions because my lust for love is too great to focus on anything else that’s actually important.

I also dispise most people and have very high standarts for them. When I’m ussually around people I feel this quiet anger and envy running within me just because they have the things I want, but don’t have and them not being good enough according to my standarts.

I also have this insecurity about not having any real identity. I have no real talants and I’m bad at most stuff I do. I am not athletic even though I workout quite a lot, I’m not smart even though I study hard, I’m not artistic even though I play and listen to a lot of music and watch a lot of movies, I have nothing really that could make me proud of myself, well except for having great will power to not give up ig, but it doesn’t help much when someone who hasn’t done even half the work I have destroy me in whatever it be – sports, studying, guitar, etc. I feel like people such as me should have died at a young age so people like me shouldn’t have to suffer. Well at least that was the case back in the day beacuase nature would take care of that, but because the technology has advanced so much many of the weak don’t die and are just left to somehow live a life.

I would really love to hear your thoughts and advice <3