My 6 months relationship with my girlfriend has come to an end during a conversation on Instagram.
My girlfriend, 23, is a person who want a lot of caring from boyfriend, as she was raised only by her grandmother due to the fact that both of her parents are working overseas since she was very little. Also some information about her dating background, she told me that she was once committed to love someone, but she got cheated on by her ex after a 4 yrs relationship, therefore she sees every new relationship in the future as not essential, which means she doesn’t really care if she is going to break up or not, and if the new boyfriend doesn’t meet her expectations, she will immediately want to break up regardlessly.
When I was dating with her, she usually live alone at home while her parents are working overseas. Because of that, I always go to her home to stay with her to show that I care about her. During the time we are together, she doesn’t complain about anything that I did, and I also think that I did everything correctly that meets her expectations of our relationship.
However, one day after the first month of dating, I tried to show my true feeling that I’m not a guy who can 100% of the time being very positive, sometimes I also have emotions and be negative. She was very mad and sad at be that I have emotions and can’t be VERY positive all the time and showing my dignity and expressing my opinion. As a result, I keep forcing myself to be Positive all the time, agreeing every requirement from her, forcing myself to change according to what she wants me to be. I was tired and exhausted, I’m always worry about if she will be sad and mad again if I did something that trigger her thought of breaking up unintentionally. But at the same time I don’t want to lose her, I’m trying my best to force myself to become the perfect guy she wanted and I have accepted the fate that I will be suffering and feeling tired in order to exchange the result of her feeling happy.
However, what I did doesn’t change anything, but making it worse. I have changed myself continuously to meet her expectations that she told me, but even that she was still not happy, she told me there are still many expectations that I didn’t meet but she won’t tell me because she said it would be meaningless if she told me what are the expectations, I should known by myself. At this point, I was very miserable and asked her, if she didn’t tell me, how could I know her expectation and be a better guy she wants, she repeated again and refuse to tell me her expectations and my problems during our relationship. I always show her that I am happy to discuss the problems and what she wants from me, but she never wants to communicate, she only want me to guess everything by myself, and she always said that if I can’t guess all of them, she will just break up with me, and she felt tired and exhausted because I can’t guess everything. I was extremely hurt when I first hear her saying this, I was thinking if she said she love me so much, why would she always challenge me without considering my emotions, why she always being mean to me but want me to be positive to her all the time, why she never appreciate how much I have changed for her. Even though I have no solution, I just keep promising her I will guess correctly next time just to continue the relationship.
This state of relationship continue til yesterday we broke up, she said she can’t take it anymore she was very tired and exhausted because I always can’t guess what she wants, and she said once she told me my problems and what I failed to meet her expectations, everything is meaningless even though I’m willing to make changes for her. Finally, I told her I want to know everything and she said it, then we broke up. I realised all those problems are little things like I didn’t paid for her food, I didn’t buy her gifts etc., if she wants and she told me, I would definitely do it, but she never communicate and I never know these problems cuz she hides all of them.
She said she doesn’t want to lead me, telling me to do what she wants, but from my perspective all these problems can be solved if she was willing to communicate instead of forcing me to guess, she said she still love me at the end, but she broke up with me because there are so many things that I failed to guess which made her felt exhausted.
My specific question is is it my problem to be unable to guess her thoughts without communication, or it is her problem to refuse to communicate that leads to her exhaustion and ends up with breaking up?
1 comment
The problem is none of those things. You became a slave to her whim.
>I’m trying my best to force myself to become the perfect guy she wanted and I have accepted the fate that I will be suffering and feeling tired in order to exchange the result of her feeling happy.
What the fuck man. You need to work very hard on building up your self esteem.
You are the main character of your life. Whoever is your next girlfriend, she comes second to you. Your drive, your projects and ambition.
Than way, you will find a girl that accomodates to you, not the other way around. If you accomodate to the girls life, then you change yourself in the process. By changing yourself, the girl will no longer love you, because, naturally, you are a different person.
>She said she doesn’t want to lead me, telling me to do what she wants
Next girlfriend, you need to take leadership. And have her do what you want. Not what she wants. She will be happier doing what you want even if she does not agree with it 100%, than doing what she wants but having her tell you exactly what it is. It’s female psycology 101. If you want comunication, she will comunicate with you if what you are telling her is not agreable to her to an alarming degree, then you compromise with her and move on. But you are the one deciding, taking leadership of the situation.
For example.
If you wanted to take your ex gf on a date, you would ask her where she wants to go, what day she is able to, she would not tell you, or try you to guess, or maybe she would tell you begrugingly after you push her to tell you. Then you set up the date according to her wishes and desires. You would bend over backwards to please her.
With your future GF, you take a look at her calendar, see what day she is free, and you set up the date, by yourself, you take a best guess as to where you both will have the most fun, you plan everything. Then you tell her, don’t ask, tell, X day is date night, I already made reservations.
Wich of the 2 scenarios do you think looks more attractive to a girl ?
Take back control of your life, learn from your mistakes, and look to the future.
Good luck.