My bf & I have been together for 4 years, tried all kinds of stuff, but not anal. We both really wanted to try it out, but were too freaked out. I was a complete virgin before him, he’s had several partners, but never a “decent anal”. I “gifted” it for his birthday around 2 weeks ago, we were both super drunk and it went super smoothly. Used condom, lube, there was no mess at all, I cleaned up thoroughly before. During the process, he was obviously super-enjoyng it. The morning after he told me he thought it was a dream when he woke up, and hugged me tightly, thanking me. Now, I’ve been hinting him almost every day since, even directly asking “don’t you want the other way?” (during vaginal intercourse), and he’s been like “yes, I love it”, still, not proceeding to do it. At this point I think he didn’t really like it? But I’m not sure how, since during the process he was definitely enjoying it. Any advice from the men of the reddit? Possible causes? We’ve been having sex as usual after the event – almost daily, vaginal, bj, etc.
Update: talked it out, he was just afraid of pressuring me. Thanks to all of you guys, the prophecy has been fulfilled đđ»
38 comments
Ask him?
* option A (as in ass) : he loved it, but is worried that it is too much effort on your part to expect to do regularly.
* option B (as in Butt): he thought about it and decided that it was amazing, but your pussy is more amazing.
How about you say “I want you to fuck me in the ass tonight” and see how he responds.
Pro tip: Us guys don’t respond well to ‘hints’ đ
So you say, in the moment, âwant the back door?â And he says âyeahâ but then he doesnât do it?
I think I would stop him then and there and ask him whatâs up but I can be pretty direct and I donât like being confused soâŠ.
If you enjoyed it, perhaps try saying “I want you in my ass.” Less hinting, just be more forward with what you want. Most guys like to please their partners. He may be unsure you like it.
Use simple words. Heâs a guy. Tell him you liked it a lot and would really like to do it again soon.
Might just be trying not to pressure you.
As a guy I can honestly tell that hintâs sometimes donât work.
Say what you want. A lot of us find that sexy
I’m a woman, but every guy I’ve ever had anal with where it was there first time, it took them a little while to warm up to it and admit they liked it. I think its just something many people think is off limits, so it can maybe be difficult to let go right away and say they love it….they all eventually admitted they loved it. My current boyfriend says it’s eh and mostly does it cause I like it, but I don’t know…he sure seems to enjoy it and he asks if I want it a little too often for me to believe he’s only doing it for me.
He could also be nervous to try it sober. Either worried it won’t go as well, or just anxious about trying it when he’s completely sober and aware.
Be direct
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UpdateMe
I love anal sex, and so does my wife. But for the majority of our marriage we rarely did it because my wife was embarrassed to ask for it and every time we did it, I would feel this immense shame after I was done because I thought I was causing my wife pain for my kink, so I would rarely try.
Eventually, we talked about it like partners should and now we do it quite frequently.
Itâs possible he is worried that youâre only doing it for his benefit and doesnât want to impose.
My wife loves ass play but is shy about asking for it, so I just go for it. She plays coi, but after a few licks or a finger or 2 back there, she can’t stop cumming.
I think since you did anal on a special occasion, it’d help to keep doing it on special occasions because that may be a big deal to him as much as you want it to be frequently for you and i’d advice for you to get a butt blug for when your ass feel the need to be filled while having regular sex with him and you can also play solo if you are really into it and maybe introduce cuffs into bedroom, just tie him up and then masturbate your ass with a dildo in front of him to show him your need for anal in your relationship.
You have to just tell him I want your dick in my ass and take his dick and put it in .. take control and it will be most erotic for you and him.
Everyone is saying to be direct, and I agree. Only other thing I can think of is to just realize that, while it did happen, he still might be uncomfortable with doing it or trying again still. Being direct is definitely likely to be the best path to take in order to warm him back up to the idea and help him be comfortable with trying again
Did you even mention to him that you liked it?
Second the comment
âPut it in my arseâ
100% your man will be like a rat up a drain pipe
Most likely because pretty much all the potential for pain and discomfort is on you, and he doesnât want to pressure you or hurt you. Ask him for anal and say you want it. Then if you do it and he loves it, tell him you want him to initiate it, too.
Tell him he can have your ass without a condom this time. That should change his mind.
You need to take the lead on this one
Just tell him directly like others have said. I love a direct approach from a woman.
He probably likes it a lot and thought youâve been teasing him with those comments. Tell him you want it in the ass straight up and see how he responds
How about you tell him you liked it cuz ya did and that you want him in your ass. That’ll probably work. He might think you didn’t like it and your testing him or that it was a onetime event. He might be too afraid to believe your probing means “come on dude lube that dick up and go spelunking in the darker cave”.
But clearly him not asking again is making you insecure, so ask him why he’s not taken you up on your obvious invitations and him not is making you feel, well, kinda shitty
Get prepared, then while youâre in the middle of PIV, tell him to put it in your ass!
Sometimes, it may not feel as snug, cozy or tight (for lack of a better description) as vaginal sex. I watch plenty of porn and thought anal was every man’s dream. Tried it several times with a few partners, young, prepared (mostly not well prepared due to lack of experience) it didn’t come close to the intimacy of vaginal intercourse. An entire decade later, while reminiscing with my wife, I realized that I wanted to own my partner’s holes and have what I couldn’t. I didn’t do it for the feel or intimacy. The narcissistic feeling of getting whatever I wanted Sexually was what I was after. If he doesn’t pursue it, perhaps he doesn’t like it as much as the closeness and intimate feeling of vag intercourse. Some guys aren’t in it just to fuck it. He could be in it to win it.
Just traight up ask. Blood flows in one direction most of the time
Also did you actually enjoy anal? I suppose you did that you are craving it, but your boyfriend might not have caught it. He might have thought you are saying it to satisfy him only. He might be hesitant because he thinks you might be in only because he loves it. Tell him you also loved it if you actually loved anal. In his mind, anal might not be worth the effort if you didnât love it.
Agree with lots of comments here, especially about being direct, but a couple of other thoughts; someone mentioned wearing a butt plug & pleasuring you A with a toy in front of him – this should be obvious enough that you genuinely like it. Also, consider PIV in doggy & getting him to go real slow to start with. At the same time you start living up your A (the sight of that would probably be enough to get him going) but then you tell him to stop, slowly move forward to pull him out of you and reposition him in your A. You are in control, itâs visually stimulating to him and cannot be confused that you definitely like it. This approach maybe considered a halfway house between your first experience and just being direct.
I would assume that he thinks you only did it for him, and he doesnt want his pleasure to override your comfort and that youre asking only to please him.
Frankly sounds like you both love each other so much you dont want to step on any toes đ
Initiate putting it in there he’ll finish it
Say the following phrase in his ear when you’re having foreplay: “I made sure my ass is nice and clean for you to play with…”
Ymmv, but it drives my man wild.
The ass is always greener on the other side
Once you’ve done it, it’s not forbidden anymore
(Or, y’know, he thinks it’s an ‘on your birthday’ treat and doesn’t want to push his luck)
Just in the heat of the moment, tell him to fuck your ass
I dont find sentence telling YOU enjoyed it too. All you talked how all went smoothly and how your bf enjoyed it. Maybe you didnt and your bf could noticed that? Are you suggesting anal just for him or for your pleasure too?
From a guyâs perspective who really likes it, usually I donât want it because itâs still not as good as P in V and itâs a giant production.
Most guys like to please their partners. He may be unsure you like it.
As others have said, take the direct approach. Had a lover who loved anal, and she would prepare herself ahead of time (cleaned up, lubed internally). When we were in the “throws of passion”, she would ride me cowgirl and then slip it in her ass herself. Never a doubt what she wanted. Lol
Let’s say… he is fucking you, then you will proceed to say ” I want it in the ass please, put your dick inside my ass”
Easy…
You welcome đ€
I had this problem with my bf, so in the middle of having sex I looked him in the eyes and told him “I want you to f*ck me in my ass”. (with a lustfull look) It worked and he was even more turned on. Don’t hint, be direct.