I feel like I have never had my turn to have any sort of power. Everyone is always above me in some way, or at least I feel like that.
Of course people like managers, teachers & doctors automatically have power over me which is fine. But I feel inferior to almost EVERYONE. I’ve felt intimidated by people younger than me just because they have a loud personality, I’ve felt intimidated by people cause they have a strong tone of voice, & embarrassingly, even some little kids make me feel intimidated & uncomfortable.
Some little children are overly confident & speak like adults & its not a good thing. They’re so confident sometimes that they’ll make fun of adults & ask them personal questions, & honestly, I get intimidated & get embarrassed when it happens sometimes.
I also still have the same issue I had in school where I get scared & shaky talking to girls who were the mean popular girls in high school, because I still have it in me that they’re judgemental & I need to put on an act to impress them & try to make myself sound cool in front of them. I really wanna get rid of that feeling & just be comfortable with being myself in front of everyone & not getting nervous & shaky talking to people who aren’t officially above me.
Most people in my life have always treated me like I’m inferior & im pretty sure it’s because of my soft tone of voice (which I can’t control) & my reserved personality (which I also can’t do much about). It’s not my fault I’m quiet & soft spoken, I still speak like a normal person & am capable of standing up for myself, but people just don’t take me seriously. It’s annoying that I can’t get the respect I deserve & how everyone just automatically has power over me because I’m quiet. Quiet does not mean inferior. How does one gain their power when socialising?
1 comment
I am sorry you feel all these deep emotions. They are valid and based on my understanding will require a lot of work on your part to look at yourself in a positive light. I recommend seeing someone to help you through the journey of past trauma that led you to believe that you don’t matter. If I could share my opinion with you. Please find the strength to love yourself. Speak good about yourself and start having confidence that you have a place and you matter. Find a way to not seek validation from others because you will be disappointed. Validate yourself, encourage yourself and start doing things for yourself. Find a hobby that you love and focus on yourself and the people who deserve your space with naturally gravitate to you. Stop telling yourself you are shy and start pushing yourself outside your comfort zone. I can go on and on but I hope you get the idea. You matter and you need to start fighting for yourself through positive self talk first, daily affirmations if you can.