We’ve been together for 7 years, and now live in our own apartment. I thought all was happy and going great, we just took a few trips and dates and moved to a new cheaper place—and suddenly he talks to a new friend about his feelings and tells me he’s conflicted, that he hasn’t felt super in love in the last year, and that he thinks he wants to break up.
While we’re trying to mend the relationship, I’m trying to understand what went wrong. He says he was hiding his feelings, but there’s no way he can be that good at it, right? Giving me this smiley, in-love daze when I look away, going to our favorite places and making memories, slow-dancing with me in the kitchen late at night, whispering about his love for me and how we’ll raise a beautiful little family, supporting each other in our goals, so much more. Now he’s turned around and said he’s conflicted and has been for so long, and seems completely different now.
I don’t know whether my relationship was a complete lie now or if he’s confused, and it makes me sick to my stomach that he spent hours talking to this new friend of his and ever since it’s like a switch was flipped in him. I love him with all my heart, and I’m trying to work with him on this and he’s trying to, but it hurts me because now I can’t tell what’s real or not, he barely understands his own feelings enough to convey them to me, and it’s terrifying to me that we can go from happy, in-love, and with so much ahead of us, and suddenly it turns around.
How can I talk to him about this without driving him further away? I don’t want to cal him a liar or disregard the conflict he’s been dealing with, and I don’t want him to feel like I won’t let him have friends. Is it possible to pretend to be so in love if there’s really nothing there? How can I try to turn this around, help us respark, without making it worse?
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TLDR: my 7-year relationship might end after my bf talked to a new friend, and suddenly said for the last year he’s had conflicting feelings. Was my relationship a lie? We were so in love and happy, it’s a complete 180.
3 comments
BTW, I have a lot of anxiety right now and trying to stop overthinking, so please avoid any assumptions or ideas of his malicious intents, thank you
It’s not binary. It’s not “a lie vs him confused”.
People change, people grow. Y’all went from children, literal children, to young adults. I’m thankful that I’m not with the same person that I dated at that age and I’m also thankful that I’m a different person myself.
Embrace the good memories and look at them fondly, but also understand that you’ll have new ones to make and learn to grow from.
If you’ve been together since you were 13, maybe he wants to experience some other women before making a lifetime commitment
I’m surprised you don’t have those feelings, or have at least thought about it too