Okay, for context I am out of high school, been for almost a year. It’s been extremely hard for me to make friends because I don’t like telling anyone much about my personal life until I’ve established rapport for, oh, I don’t know, two or three years.
I noticed this about myself because during high school it’s so easy to make friends since you automatically have things that everyone knows about you– your age, grade, classes more or less, some of your interests, whatever you post on your insta, so you automatically have things to talk about or bond over.
In the real world, for me to find out this information, I have to ask people and I can’t just ask and not give an answer back; that’s weird and awkward!
I guess what I’m trying to ask here is: are there any other fellow private people who have found a way to circumvent the whole societal expectation that you’ll overshare everything?
I’m willing to give a little, but I don’t know how much is socially acceptable to reveal. (Right now, I’m even uncomfortable giving people my last name if they won’t be in my life for multiple years.)
1 comment
It is perfectly normal to hold back on sharing personal things about yourself until you feel comfortable or know someone well. But…this is a bit much:
>I don’t like telling anyone much about my personal life until I’ve established rapport for, oh, I don’t know, two or three years
To others, you may be trying to get to know, that says “surface level” and not close friends. Basically, if that’s how you choose to handle things…why not join groups, clubs, meetups where you can be around people and talk to them and not be expected to get close or deep. Expecting people to stick around for years, be a close friend to YOU, without you getting personal – doesnt work in the adult world. People will dismiss you, ghost, or ignore you…and that’s not what you want.
If you do want to get close to people – you have to work on letting go!!! Relax. And mirror people. If they disclose something personal to you, that means they trust you, so you can do the same in return! That builds friendships!! Have you considered therapy?