It’s pretty regular that one or the other is exhausted after a long day of handling our responsibilities. Usually one desires to have sex and the other does not have the capacity to be present enough to meet the others needs. Do you find yourself in similar situations? If so what do you do to overcome and create a really good fulfilling sex session? Insights and practices would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance.
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Following this…need some inspiration too
Yep.. 100% agree. We are / were both exhausted at different times for full on sex…. We figured out.. just make out like we used to..every chance you get.. like dating…. when we were kids and dating…. A little grab here, some touch there.. some tongue when the kids don’t see.. hell… folding laundry!..
5 minutes of heavy make out in the morning … right out of the shower… MAN! WOW!.. it doesn’t a;ways have to be full on sex… just showing the other that you desire them.. they are still sexy.. and …. The next time you can’t get time…. You are going to pound town!..in a big way because you are both charged up.
Sex in marriage is mostly about showing the other that you love them, you desire them, you appreciate them.. you can do that in little bits and pieces of grab ass and making out.. every day.. some way..
That will definitely build anticipation for when you are alone and or well rested..
Just love on each other even if you have to be sneaky about it…. You did it when you were dating… do it again.. do it now..
Shower, quick and easy clean up since you’re already in there.
We do quickies during the week and have a longer session on the weekend. It’s important to physically connect when shit is exhausting.
My husband used to say no a lot. Recently we were talking about something and I said, “you realize it hurts my feelings when you say no. Do you also realize you have never had your feelings hurt….. I’ve never told you no”
My feelings are, worst case it’s very quick and I’m left wanting more. Best case, my eyes roll back in my head. But unless you play you don’t know the outcome.
I have a crazy high libido. Only one thing is hard.
Morning sex. 🤷🏼♂️
I wish my spouse even wanted to have sex…
If she has a proactive desire, I’m going to be leery lol.
It’s okay though, I have energy reserves for this type of thing.
Personally I can’t overcome it. After hitting the wall of exhaustion, I’m out for the night. It’s book and bed at that point.
If it’s a situation where one partner carries the heavier load with chores, childcare, cooking, etc. then I think the partner who wants to initiate should take the other partner’s responsibilities into consideration and figure out what they can take off the other’s shoulders ahead of time.
Otherwise it just feels like another chore on my list of things to do and isn’t a time for intimacy/connection.
In I’m extremely exhausted then the hardest part might be making the hardest part be the hardest part.
There is morning sex, but honestly if you want a healthy sex life you have to work at it. On average it takes 19 min with foreplay (10 min) and intercourse (9 min)…..not a big ask honestly.
My wife has narcolepsy so exhausted is something we deal with. Take a shower and just do it. Go to bed 30 min early and you will have plenty of time.
This isn’t an issue for us. If one of us is too exhausted to have sex we don’t have sex. There’s always another time.
I don’t have sex if I don’t want sex. I would also never want to have sex with someone who doesn’t enthusiastically want sex with me. I find that incredibly creepy.
My penis…
We have sex even when we are tired – we have never regret it. But we are also very flirty and touchy all the time – butt and boob grabs, lots of kisses just because, etc.
We don’t have sex if we don’t want to have sex. We both like when sex isn’t rushed and we can take our time. We have small children so it’s less frequent than it used to be, but when we do have sex it’s real good. Quality over quantity.
No sex until I eat. I’m a simple man with a simple plan
Hardest part would be feeling undesired. Me and hubby feel sex is very important and we both have a high drive. We’ve been together 12 years and have two kids. 99% of the time we don’t turn each other down if one initiates. Doesn’t matter how tired we are. We still average 4-5 times a week. I never turn him down for sex.
The hardest part?? Usually my wang
We are morning sex people. Busy af and tired af at the end of the day. Wake up all refreshed and ready to go.
Take this with a grain of salt because my partner and I do not have children so we’re in an entirely different category, but I’ve been reading more and more about how important it is to relax and feel at ease after a long stressful day at work. Start by giving your partner a shoulder rub and massage their back, legs, etc. Light some candles and play relaxing music during it. I really think there’s something to be said for more massages in the modern day and my husband and I would like to take a class down the line.
Even when I have period cramps a nice massage works wonders for my body. And hey, if it doesn’t lead to sex then oh well, at least there was a killer massage going! That being said I would do your best to make sure each partner is giving and receiving in an equal amount.
I stirred in my sleep this morning and my husband thought I was awake and started pawing me for sex at 4:20 am 😬 I literally started typing a post here then deleted it about “when do y’all have sex?” Because he’s very much an early riser and I am… not lol. We ended up banging at like 5 am. Not my ideal but it was good and we were both happy. Interested to read these responses!!
I have a high libido and a weird sort of woo woo relationship with sex that I don’t have the energy to try to explain right now, but it’s very much a need for me and super high on the totem pole of things important for my overall happiness. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve turned my husband down for sex in nearly 10 years regardless of how long my day has been or how tired I am. He doesn’t have a high libido and turns me down frequently because he’s too tired or he’s had a long day. I try very hard not to take it personally but I admittedly do at times, it’s hard not to. It is what it is though, I can’t force him and would never even try to. My disappointment is for me to deal with.
Be flexible and adjust your expectations as you roll through different seasons in your life.
I’m a night sex person so For us, just hanging in bed at night and arm/back tickles with a boring show is when I’m usually in sex mode (I’m a simple girl I guess) and has actually let to some really, really good sex. I also love to just get him off if he’ll let me. It’s my own “kink” if you can call it that. Other times, I just like to rub my husbands back as he falls asleep 🤷♀️
That sad, he’s like a full on morning sex person. It does take me a min cause I don’t feel quite as sexy then lol but I will happily oblige once I feel him up. I was actually just contemplating how to make this a more regular occurrence for him.
And sleep naked. Guaranteed 9/10 times sex will be had at any point 😉
That it ain’t gonna happen !
We wait for the weekends when we don’t have to be up early.
If you don’t feel like having sex, don’t. You don’t have to to please your partner.
We don’t always have sex when we are both exhausted. However, sometimes I just want my husband to get pleasure, even if I’m tired. It brings me pleasure to know he’s satisfied. Even if I’m not initially in the mood, hearing himself enjoy me sometimes gets me in the mood. 🙂 There are times I say no, not now, or he’s not in the mood. But I feel connected and happy if we are at least sexually intimate 1 to 2 times a week. Things come up, but we try to compromise with each other.
I don’t have that problem usually. I will wake out of a dead sleep to have sex with him.
That’s me in a nutshell. Sex has been a chore for me these last few years. I almost never want it and it’s not because I’m not in love, it’s like I’m too lazy. I can’t get off from regular intercourse on its own so I have no incentive other than just pleasing him. I agree with the poster that said frequent physical affection helps a lot, though.
The number of exhausted people on here blows my mind. I’m about to just start prescribing workout routines. I used to be in the army getting up at 0500 every day, getting home after 1700, then playing with kids, and never once said to my wife, Not tonight I’m just too tired to spend any time with you.
Start exercising and eating better and quit acting like you are seventy years old.
We have scheduled sex every Saturday night. I know that sounds boring for some people, but we know it’s happening, so we can make it really fun. We also make it a point to give physical affection each night before we go to sleep. Sometimes, that leads to more, sometimes not, so we do have unscheduled sex as well. We have had times where the Saturday becomes Sunday morning instead because one or both of us is too tired. I kinda like the Sundays better tbh.
My question is if you couples cant even communicate and handle this small things in your relationship why did you marry? Where is the understanding and adjustment in living?