My partner wants a FFM threesome because this is something he feels he sacrificed when committing to dating me. His previous partners have all been queer and either open relationships or open to threesomes. I don’t think I would be ok in an FFM threesome because I’m not attracted to women and would be uncomfortable watching him with another woman. I told him I thought about it and would be more open to a foursome because I’m into men.
When I brought up FMM threesome, his response was the same as mine saying he’s not into men. Is a threesome a considerable part of some relationships? My FMM fantasy has always been just a fantasy, and I don’t feel like I need that. Is this a need for some people? Is this considered a sacrifice because im the first partner he’s had that isn’t into other women? He’s not pressuring me into one, but has made it clear he feels it’s something that was part of his sexual identity that he feels he can’t express now
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He doesn’t want a FFM threesome, he wants your consent fuck another woman.
There’s a decent chance he already is
He chose to date you. He knows you’re not into women. If he needs a partner who is, then he shouldn’t be dating you. Otherwise, he needs to accept threesomes involving other women aren’t on the table any more and drop it.
His other partners agreed to let him cheat on them. Why do you think those relationships didn’t work out?
I would heavily reconsider your relationship at this point.
I don’t think you are compatible.
Tell him you gave up MMF to date him so he’s gotta give you that as well
Coming from a person who IS polyamorous –
You don’t have to, and shouldn’t, do anything you’re not comfortable with/enthusiastically consenting to. If he needed threesomes or an open relationship to express the full extent of his identity then that’s something that should have been talked about before you entered a committed relationship. He may not be actively pressuring you to do anything, but it still seems like he’s framing this as though you’re responsible for his being unable to fulfill his “needs” when he knowingly consented to a monogamous relationship. At the end of the day, he agreed to these “sacrifices” and he either needs to accept the relationship he committed to or accept that you two aren’t compatible. And you two truly may not be compatible.
I think when it comes to open relationships/threesomes/nonmonogamy in general the term “need” can get complicated. For example, I would not feel content in a fully monogamous relationship so I guess that could be considered a “need” because to me that’s part of my identity and how I navigate relationships. That being said, I also would not enter a monogamous relationship with someone and then tell them about all the “sacrifices” I’m making to date them in order to get them to agree to change the relationship dynamic.
Well. Hmm. Try offerring you get to hot guys and he can watch… this fantasy first. If accepted by him…u can still run or dive in.
You don’t “sacrifice” threesomes by being with your partner. You get the privilege of all their love. If threesomes are something you “need” than you should have thought about that before getting in a relationship with someone who is not into them. This attitude reflections his issues, and says nothing about you.
Kind of a shitty dude if he wants to push you into having a sexual experience you wouldn’t enjoy. He feels no ways about declining an MMF threesome (which is the exact same thing) and then compares you to previous partners who were bi and says by dating you he has to “miss out” . This is a selfish guy who isn’t centering your comfort not your pleasure.
Yeah something tells me he’s not doing this *for* you.
That first sentence is disgusting. How could you stay with someone who said THAT to you? He might as well have just said, “I am going to cheat on you, probably soon”.
If he thinks your relationship is keeping him from a threesome, dump him. He’s trying to guilt you into agreeing to do it, and that’s contemptible all on its own. Add to that his attitude that you’re keeping him from expressing his whatever, and you do not have a keeper here.
If you not into it you not into it. Then he needs to date someone that is into it. He isn’t interested in penis you ain’t interested in vagina. Accept it or go. Don’t change just to please him
It’s a sacrifice for him as much as it is a sacrifice for you to go without MMF threesomes. Having threesomes is not a part of his sexual identity, it is just a sexual act that he enjoys. This guy sounds selfish and manipulative and, frankly, pretty immature. The fact that he immediately ruled out the MMF using your exact reasoning for not wanting MFF shows he is a ridiculous hypocrite. How your sexual interest in him didn’t plummet to nothing in that moment alone is beyond me. And he IS pushing you into this. Because it was asked and answered and now he is using a ton of language to make you feel guilty and question your boundaries. Not cool. My suggestion would be to free him to express himself in all the ways he wants to by dumping his ass.
As others have said, threesomes are not a “need” in any way, shape or form. And his comments raise red flags – big bright red ones flapping in the wind LOUDLY. Threesomes should be discussed and agreed upon, and both parties should feel comfortable with it (which isn’t to say there won’t be nervousness, as there is with any first time.) If you aren’t comfortable with it and do it anyway, your relationship will never be the same after. This may be the one dealbreaker thing you just aren’t able to overcome. A partner who loves and trusts you will never guilt you or pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do.
I completely agree with it being BS that he refused your request for MFM. What a hypocrite he is! He isn’t comfortable with another man joint but wants you to get over being uncomfortable with another woman?!?! HELL, NO!
That being said – I’m a straight female, never been interested in being with a woman sexually, it doesn’t interest me at all. The thought of going down on a woman makes me gag. Not to be crude, but I like dick. However, I’ve been involved with a few FMF – both as part of the couple & as the 3rd. When I was part of the couple, the rule was that I was the main focus. I didn’t touch 3rd’s genitals or go down on the 3rd, and neither did my other half. They could both touch me, go down on me, penetrate me. I was okay with the 3rd touching my other half and/or giving him head. My other half always said it was plenty enjoyable watching the 3rd attend to me or have her suck him while he went down on me or having both of us go down on him. He never felt like he missed out because he didn’t penetrate her. There are ways to get around the extra vagina.
Ultimately, it takes an incredibly strong relationship and LOADS of communication and trust for a couple to engage in a threesome. I think the statistic is 81% of relationships fail after bringing in a 3rd.
You’re in a monogamous relationship. A threesome of any type will ruin it.
He either gives up the idea or you guys aren’t compatible.
He will cheat.
Do you see how unequal this is? You get to be uncomfortable but not him. No threesomes
Oh, op, it isn’t that he wants a threesome. He wants to f other girls, ie. Cheat. He thinks disguising it as a threesome will make you cave.
It doesn’t matter whether you like girls or not. He does. And he wants to f around. He’d be fine of you got up and sat in the corner or, better yet, go make everyone a complicated sandwich while they get down to business.
But. And this is important. He most certainly does not want YOU to f around, hence no mmf.
Say no.
Fantasies. Do. Not. Have. To. Become. Reality.
Have a mmf
If his last gfs were so cool with it, why hasn’t he had one yet? He’s giving desperate vibes and trying to pressure you into it. If he COULD have one, he would’ve already. Guy has no luck making it happen on his own so wants you to do the work for him. Laughable.
I mean he’s basically trying to soft manipulate you into having an FFM threesome by saying he’s missing out on his regular polyish lifestyle by dating you. Newsflash: he chose to date you. His problem. The same way you don’t want a woman, he doesn’t want a man. This could mean you’re incompatible in the long run anyway but he sounds selfish enough I wouldn’t want to continue the relationship.
Free him up to pursue his threesome dreams. Him going on about how he “sacrificed” this to be with you is pressuring you.
He likely doesn’t even really want one. He just wants to make you so something he knows you don’t want to. Throw him back.
My friend’s wife asked for this kind of threesome and was all into the idea. She’s still with her. Divorced him. Lesson learned?
Two straight people (man and woman) can’t really have a FFM threesome. The math doesn’t work because you won’t do anything to the other woman. So she’s just supposed to watch while he’s working on you? Even if the other girl is bi there’s still a gap.
A MMF threesome can work with all straight people. There are lots of options and enough “holes” to go around so to speak.
My wife and I talked about it and decided there’s no point in having another girl, I’d basically just be banging two women, but going back and forth. It’s just sex with another person. There’s nothing happening my wife couldn’t do.
But another guy could bring extras to the table. You can spit roast, tag off to last longer, help with positions. Lots of options. I can’t do that alone. So it’s the only way it could actually work with straight people.
He met someone else he wants to fuck but does not want to look like a cheater
No. He opted to be with you so he has to be ok with monogamy because that’s all you will accept. I gave up banging random chicks to be with my wife. Because being with her is awesome and waaaaaayy better than contracting syphillus. Tell him it’s either the streets or you. He can’t be a ho and come home to your warmth and security. Nope. Tell him this is a monogamous relationship. Don’t fold.
I had a threesome with a guy and he will never stop bringing it up
No, it is not a sacrifice to not have threesomes in a committed relationship.
“Is this considered a sacrifice…”
Sacrifice him to any God of your choosing.
Awww poor guy has been so selflessly “sacrificing” threescore to be with you. Tell him to go piss up a rope.
Tell him he can have his FFM after you get your MMF. Add that you’re ready to start auditioning the guys for your MMF, and if he’s lucky when you find them you may even let him watch.
Well I think you handled it perfectly so far… I think both of you might have a threesome fantasy that could be a thing… but also both of you are not bisexual, so there you are. I think if either version ever happens, damage to trust will occur. It might be that even though this is out of style and not in the most popular category these days, you guys might be suited to a monogamous heterosexual relationship. Hard to say though… but it seems like both of your instincts may indicate that. I guess if you both want to be “open” each of you might have some rough nights ahead. Tricky trail to navigate, but I wish you both the best!!
I would be hard pressed to be convinced a threesome is a “need” but I might be called all kinds of names for saying that these days. The rest of you can feel free to downvote me for bringing that idea up.
He’s blaming you for dating you? It was his choice and he thinks he can change that. The double standard just highlights the level of hypocrisy and lack of sense he makes. He just wants his cake and to eat it too
Then ask for another man ✨
Manipulative and deeply disrespectful at best. No, being balls deep in other women is not a “need.” Don’t buy what he’s selling, it’s bullshit.
Dont do anything youre not comfortable with…
>I don’t think I would be ok in an FFM threesome because I’m not attracted to women
So dont…
>When I brought up FMM threesome, his response was the same as mine saying he’s not into men.
So why can he say no to MMF but you cant say no to FFM??
>He’s not pressuring me into one, but has made it clear he feels it’s something that was part of his sexual identity that he feels he can’t express now
Well – that IS pressuring you!!!
>Is a threesome a considerable part of some relationships?
If you both want it, then yes…
>My FMM fantasy has always been just a fantasy, and I don’t feel like I need that.
Up to you – be aware that its not always fantasy survives meeting reality…
Look…
If you dont want it, say so. Dont let him pressure you into it by saying “he feels it’s something that was part of his sexual identity that he feels he can’t express now”
Ultimately your BF sounds selfish – tries to pressure you into the MFF hes fantasising about even though youre not into girls, but rejects MMF because hes not into guys..
Sorry, but it sounds like theres an expiration date on your relationship thats approaching…
Tell him to kick rocks for trying to blame you for that shit
“Sacraficed” this dude can fuck off
He’s making you feel guilty about what he “sacrificed” for you, and oh no, he can’t fully express himself sexually because he’s with you now! This is 100% manipulation.
He should go find someone else that can fulfill those needs if being with you is such a “sacrifice” for him. And please oh please do not do the threesome under duress, it will not go well!
Sacrificed? Well, yes, being in a comitted relationship requires some sacrifices, but NONE include NOT HAVING a threesome…! This is why it (used to be?) is called ” INTIMACY” and not “GROUP-IMACY”!
Disgusting (man?)
It’s ruined every relationship I was in when the 3 some happened