28F. I’m not super experienced and currently exploring bdsm. Light bondage and impact to start. My partner (FWB) is super into eating ass. I’ve told him repeatedly I’m not into exploring anything anal at this time.
Of course he brings it up last time we hooked up, saying he wanted to progress to getting his tongue in my ass.
I’m self-conscious about my asshole, also I have internal hemmys (at least one) and I can’t really articulate more why it doesn’t appeal to me. He is really into ass stuff. Says I’d like anal because I’m into pain stuff.
Has anyone been in my boat? What’s it like having a guy tonguing your ass? I’m not going to let him do anything before I’m ready. I also assume if I say fine to tonguing ass he’s going to push for anal.
EDIT: I should add I’ve let him kiss and play with my butt and enjoyed it. I’m curious but not dying to have him lick my butthole.
EDIT EDIT: thanks for all the responses guys, this community is awesome
37 comments
I don’t get why you’re so comfortable hooking up with someone this pushy. Even if you were fine with it, it sound like you’d still worry he’d use it to push for anal?
First thing is this guy is being very pushy about this even when you told him you weren’t interested. The most important part of BDSM in any capacity is consent. Don’t let this man talk you into anything you aren’t comfortable with.
As for the advice most girls I know like getting rimmed because it fells taboo/dirty or because it is a different sensation.
Yeah keep telling him no. If it’s something you’re not in to, then he should respect it. Because with him itll start with his tongue, then he’ll be trying to finger your ass right before he’s wanting to fuck you in the ass.
>Says I’d like anal because I’m into pain stuff.
Even if you were interested in trying anal, you should never with this guy. Anal when done right and with enough prep should not hurt. If he goes into it expecting to cause you pain, that’s going to be a terrible experience for you.
Yeh, anal play shouldnt hurt.
So this is what I have experienced
My wife is very much against any anal play except for a about 3 days a month where she is so horny. This has been going on for about 18months, only last month she told me that it feels amazing when I eat her ass. But she has to be in the mood and really turned on.
Everyone is different, if your some what open I would at least let him try when your really turned on. But if your not then just say no.
Right if you trust him it should be fine. If you like it , great but if not, that would be the last time he does that. He’s probably thinking this is his ticket into anal but don’t let push you into anything.
Getting a tongue in your ass have virtually no chance on causing pain. insertion of fingers, toys, etc… then yes, proceed with all due caution.
That said, anyone who says they are interested or considering exploring anal should do so in private, with themselves first. man or woman. the guys should, so they learn to appreciate lube and patience and how to be gentile and respectful, and the women should so they can know their limitations, discover techniques to relax easier, etc.
anal penetration is about the one thing that men and women can each experience similar sensations, so if they truly want to get the best experience out of it, both parties should experience it and basically experiment to find out whats nice and whats not nice.
As most people have already said, anal play shouldn’t coincide with ‘pain stuff’
Anal done incorectly is painful. You shoudl also wait for the hemmys to heal up before even attempting anything like that.
I (32F) have both eaten a man’s ass and had him eat my ass. It was something we were both very interested in. In particular, I love men’s asses, so I really enjoyed being on the giving end. I found receiving also to be very enjoyable, kinda feeling like a massage. My partner said it felt very much the same way. I think he enjoyed it even more than I did. We also both made sure we washed our buttholes before we started this LOL. So I think it can be an enjoyable activity, but only if you are interested. It sounds like you are not interested yet, and your partner should respect that. The fact that he seems to be getting pushy about this concerns me, as does the part about pain. Anal play should not be painful. I understand that pain play can be part of BDSM (though this is not something I have experience with or am into), but what concerns me here is that you seem to have reservations and he seems to be pushing this. Have you tried having a conversation about this where you explain to him how you feel? If you have and he keeps pushing, that’s a pretty big red flag.
My wife is the same. Consider trying to have a few drinks, or having a THC edible as this will help lessen your anxiety about the situation, and relax you.
It helps to prepare before-hand by cleaning thoroughly via an enema, which could also be introduced as foreplay.
As an ass man myself, you don’t have to worry about when a guy is into it. We know that there is always a risk of something that might ruin the moment, but that’s part of the reward.
It can be very enjoyable for both parties, and it really can feel amazing if you can get over the anxiety hump.
Ass is meant to be eaten like a pudding, that being said, never let anyone do anal stuff if you’re not 100% relaxed. If you want to, you can let him lick or just let him go over that area (strictly over, not enter) and if you’re comfortable then maybe tongue or finger inside
My girl loves when i tongue her ass from behind while she’s using her toy
It is genuinely the best feeling ever to have a tongue in your butt.
Just make sure it’s clean….especially if you have a hemmy.
That being said – it is dirty, you can transfer worms and you will always be eating a little bit of poop juices if not poop, inevitable. It’s not for everyone if you can’t see beyond that.
I think the red flag is him saying you’ll like it because you like pain stuff. Sounds like he’s inexperienced and dismissive of your pleasure, his priorities lie with him. Just be careful having sex with people like that as they tend to push boundaries for their own fun.
If you’re exploring BDSM it’s a huge red flag that he’s pushing for it and not respecting your boundaries. As a Dom I’m happy to use the hell out of a woman with her enthusiastic consent but you’ve told him it’s a hard limit and he should respect that.
Oh it is one of the nicest feeling, I love it when my bf eats my ass.
I just want to get my ass licked.
If you’re not into it, you’re not into it. Don’t let him pressure you into something. You don’t even need a reason to not want to and he should respect your hard limits.
You are saying no, is he listening?
Keep true to YOUR boundaries and if this guy stomps on them be sure to call it out.
From what I understand, eating ass should definitely not be immediately followed by eating pussy. I’ve always been told that a dental dam should be used for eating ass…
i like eating ass but only if they say ye 😀👍
Perhaps you can do both? So sometimes its more about him , and sometimes its more about you
It feels a lot like having your pussy eaten.. just far naughtier. When I’m being eaten out and he switches to my ass I get more excited.. It does sound like he will use this to push boundaries further to anal sex.. I had an abusive ex who pressed and pressed, really pushy to have me let him just touch it… after I started liking that… pushed next boundary…begging to eat it… annnnd then pushed me into anal. I was dead set against anal play, completely disgusted by it. He manipulated and pushed me into it over the course of months.. I do love it now but it’s fucked up how I got to this point. I hope he’ll be more respectful than my ex was.. there’s a fine line between suggesting/inspiring someone to something new and disregarding boundaries.
Try it. If you like it, this is great.
If you don’t like it, tell your fwb, and stop doing it.
Having your ass licked is not going to hurt you.
DO IT AND ENJOY IT. Report back
I used to tell my man no all the time until I finally caved. I actually don’t hate it. Getting your ass ate is definitely a different sensation but I know how much he loves it and it does turn me on, idk if it’s because I like it or if it’s because I know he likes it.
My girlfriend wasn’t sure if she’d like it… and wound up loving it. We did it for the first time drunk and then after she was like “can we do this when we’re sober too?” It was super cute
> Says I’d like anal because I’m into pain stuff.
Painal is a very specific kind of pain. You might like it, but there’s no guarantee. Really, he’s just super into anal and hopes he can convince you to like it.
Also, his tongue on the outside of your ass shouldn’t be painful but it might be depending on the severity of your hemmys. Can you rub the outside of your anus when you masturbate?
> I’m not going to let him do anything before I’m ready.
1) You can try it on your own. For some women they like it and it feels amazing but only when they are SUPER horny.
So maybe if you’re having a really awesome session you could try putting a small dildo in your butt while playing with your clit. Don’t even move the dildo, just leave it there.
2) When you shower and wash your ass, how does it feel to literally wash your asshole? Actively painful? If it just kind of feels a little sensitive but meh, then when you’re super horny it MIGHT feel awesome.
3) If you plan on experimenting, first empty your bowels. When you put anything in your butt do it slowly, if you do it fast you’ll feel like you have to poop. That’s a reflex, and since you went to the bathroom you can trust that you’re clean and relax and focus on the different explorations. Just massage slowly and don’t rush in.
4) Anal is a whole realm of exploration, not just penetration. But it’s still not for everyone and that’s okay. It’s possible that you might love it and have more fun. But it’s also possible that it does nothing for you.
> I also assume if I say fine to tonguing ass he’s going to push for anal.
You have to tell him directly, he has to accept that you might just never like anal. You’re not very keen on the idea. And just because you try rimjobs, doesn’t mean you’ll like them. And even if you like rimjobs that doesn’t mean you’ll like anal penetration.
He has to accept that about you and stop trying to convert you or convince you. You might never like anal. If that’s a serious deal breaker for him, that’s fine, but he has to move on or do it with another FWB.
I’m not saying he should never bring it up, but at least mention it in a way that isn’t pressuring you. And mention it a lot less.
I’ve only eaten ass once before (in effort to ease someone into anal), but did it again a few weeks ago with GF after we both showered & were squeaky clean. Did it for a minute or two while she was on her knees (en route to pussy). She seemed ok and then just wordlessly flipped over, ending that. She has a perfect hole, but I know if someone did that to me, I’d probably be self-conscious.
It feels amazing
When you are very sexually aroused having your anus touched or licked can feel incredible! Kind of like being vaginally fingered when you’re really turned on. Not so much otherwise.
You could certainly let him try it but don’t let him push for anal unless you really want to try it.
Once you experience your butt hole being licked and you orgasm from it. You will change your mind. My wife at first thought it was disgusting when we tried it out first time. But trust in me. Relaxing. Only doing it straight after a shower etc. She learnt to relax and enjoy it
You’ve never had a partner during a wild 69 session have their tongue venture over to dark side? It’s probably happened briefly and you weren’t aware. There’s no harm in it…and he wouldn’t want it if he weren’t comfort with your cleanliness. I’ve yet to have any partner not enjoy it. I’m not saying that all of them loved it, most did, no one objected and a couple absolutely put it on their regular activity list. Relax, it’s a tongue. It tickles at worst.
You have the right to decide the pace. Tell him ’okay, cool, I get it you like licking the ass… But I am not ready. It’s that simple. Not a no, just a not now’
Gigantic red flags all over this.
Anyone you’re exploring BDSM with should not be pressing you to do anything at all that you consider to be a hard limit. Period.
If you’ve expressed that anything anal is a hard no, I would exercise extreme caution in how you proceed with any further hookups. Consent and hard limits are the foundation of BDSM.
Everyone in this thread says when done correctly, anal is not painful. WHAT IS THE CORRECT WAY? Anybody?
The thing is, if ever you do decide that you’re comfortable enough exploring anal play you may discover it gives you the most intense orgasms that you’ve ever had.
But, do it right and on your terms or don’t do it at all. Otherwise you’ll end up hating it.
Stick to your decision and if you are not ready for that then tell him. But saying that a tongue is not invasive it’s mostly external as it’s to tight to push a tongue in . It’s your decision and he has to except that