To date a person with children..

8 comments

1. I think it’s reasonable for those with children, to expect their partner to take an active role in the children’s care and raising.

   Might your view vary, depending on how pleasant the children were?

2. Don’t get involved with men with children. Period. They will always be there and you WILL eventually be expected to spend time with them doing things as a family.

3. Nope

4. I think in order for this to work the children’s mother would need to be at least actively involved in their lives and preferably the primary parent. This sometimes will come with a slew of other issues, but I digress. If there is not already a present mother it is more likely they will be hoping for you to fill that role.

   Also consider what their custody schedule looks like. 50/50, every other weekend, there are some dads who see their kid 1-2 times a year on holidays. The length and frequency of their parenting time will largely dictate what your expected involvement will be. Although be warned that these arrangements may change at any time. I suggest you look for men who have their shit together (without a track record of numerous live in girlfriends he has pursued solely to handle childcare) and have the discussion early on about what you are and are not comfortable with.

   Is it worth it? In my experience, no.

5. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage. When we first started dating, his ex wife was denying visitation of his kid, and due to his financial situation, he couldn’t get it enforced by the court. With us living a state over, once we DID go to court, visitation started with 2 weekends a month. That went up to 3 weekends a month.

   Now there were some tensioned circumstances what with his and his ex wife’s state of relationship, and I became the target of some harassment, but several years later, his ex and I were texting each other occasionally and being amicable with each other.

   Things changed a couple of years ago. When our kid’s mom passed away unexpectedly at such a young age. From limited weekends, we went to full in custody.

   Now, I went into this relationship understanding the circumstances. I wasn’t there to replace their mother – I was just there to be another adult in my kid’s life who loves them unconditionally, supports them and advocates for them. Never in a million years did I expect this outcome and these circumstances.

   So you have to ask yourself – IF something were to happen to the other guardian, are you willing to step up and take full responsibility to be the constant in their life?

   If not, then don’t date anyone with children. The kids deserve so much more than instability and resentment. Especially from people who are supposed to protect them. My own step-dad treated me as his own – loves me unconditionally and he is the role model I looked up to when I came into my husband’s life.

   My kid’s wellbeing comes first. Always. And I will always put them as my priority. If this is not the dedication that you’re willing to give, then you’re doing your kid a disservice. Kid’s deserve nothing less.

6. Hmmmm. Rode the carousel a little too long, eh?

7. If you’re trying to have a long term relationship with someone with kids and want to someday get married, you need to be ok with becoming a step parent. But that role can take years to develop. No need to rush into it. I was a step mom but never did a ton of actual parenting because the daughter already had 2 great parents and she was 8 when I met her.

   I was a young single mom a long time and I was fine that some men didn’t want to date me because I had a child. But the older you get, you are just decreasing your pool of potential good matches if you do filter people with kids out. But it’s fine, just know the pool of people meeting your criteria is smaller.

8. 34 male no kids plenty of people without kids around 30

   It’s not selfish it’s a life choice plenty of people have zero desire to have kids