I can’t do it, it feels nearly impossible to make connections through dating apps. I don’t think I’ve ever made the first move or been able to connect with another person in a romantic level. I just feel like I’m un-dateable.
Besides all that I think I’m too negative or pessimistic and drive people away, I don’t want people to have to put a lot of effort to be with me but I feel like it always ends up being that way.
Any tips when interacting with others or changing my mindset for dating?
3 comments
Want to give you an answer here, the struggle is real for some I suppose.
“Get over it” is the only advice I can give you.
I’ve always been in the same boat, I’m Severely depressed, very low self esteem my whole life and shy (Possible Social Anxiety).
After getting dumped after one date with my crush from grade 2 in grade 10, I decided I wasnt going to let my shyness impede my life anymore. It was hard and took a lot of effort mentally but we pushed through.
Two tricks I used at the start were to count to 3 by taking quick shallow exhales (dont want to look weird taking a deep one) before attempting anything. It helped me a lot and I still do it. Helped a lot in school presenting infront of the class too.
The second one was to remind myself in dating, or interviews etc that the worst they can say is no, then I continue on with my day. If you place a lot of importance on something you’ll turn it into a bigger deal than it is. Maybe try going on a few random dates with people you dont click with to practice.
As long as I got my breaths in anything after that seemed easier than if I didnt. Some people use Mantras or something else but the breaths did it for me.
I hope you get through it but the only way to break out of your bubble is to break through it however you can.
Maybe you can try to come up with things you CAN offer another person in a relationship instead of only focusing on what you thing people won’t like about you. If you can’t think of anything, think of some to work on building. A lot of people are actually willing to put in effort, but there is an expectation to put in effort to that degree too. Relationships shouldn’t be reciprocal too much but there is a certain expectation of evenness. Boundaries are also important, so basically being willing to draw a line on the amount of your negative shit you put on them all the time. Also, try to focus on the other person instead of yourself. Just some random thoughts from another struggling person, I should do these things too…