I am 26M. My GF’s the same age and I love her a lot. We have a healthy relationship both emotional and physical. I used to watch porn before, but it was like a normal thing, once in every two weeks or so and ny GF knows about it and she’s cool.
Over the past year, I’ve been watching a specific kind of porn – Interracial and cuckolding, and I’ve really gotten into it. (GF doesn’t know) I am watching this almost daily. So much so that it has started to mess up my brain. Now I only get hard, when there is humiliation and cuckolding involved. (Even when having sex with my GF, I imagine some kind of cuck scenario)
I love my GF very much and I am certainly not going to make this fantasy a reality. But I feel really bad about having this kink. How can I get rid of this? I want to go back to time before I stares watching this porn. Just want to forget this. Please help and advise.
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I dont understand the humiliation thing. Why is that arousing? Typically I connect humiliation with feeling like shit so why go there for extended periods of time?
Yeah I think it’s totally valid to want to get rid of some kinks. I’m not super into the cuck thing but into my partner fucking other dudes with big dicks if I’m honest (basically cucking without the cheating/humiliation idea).
I don’t like that, I want to change it. Deep down, I know it’s likely because of insecurity with my dick size. I’m seeing a therapist for ED and sexual insecurity so hopefully once I work through that, this desire will go away – or at least not be as central to my arousal response.
People say porn can be healthy and it can – for some people. I really think for others, it just can’t be. I’m one of those people I believe, sounds like you might be also
That’s a really rough situation. If my boyfriend wasn’t feeling quite fulfilled with our sex life I would want him to be honest with me about his fantasies, even if it hurt me. Then we could tackle the problem together rather than him facing it alone. That’s what a relationship is, 2 people vs the problem, not 1 v 1.
If I was you, (Internet stranger) I’d only admit to wanting to share her as a fantasy. This will also give you the chance to know if you actually did ever want express your interest in cuckold relationship. So I would honestly see what her reaction would be to something mild compared to cuckold.
Because wouldn’t you like to have an idea of what she’d think if you might actually want to try this??
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I think once you’re addicted to porn you simply never go back. You could stop watching the porn but already you’ve said that’s easier said than done. The problem is even if you do go through a clean phase you’ll eventually always return to this, be it months or years later. I’m sure there are a few outliers who can quit porn but for the most part it’s going to be the same as heroin users.
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Stop indulging in the cuck porn. Just stop watching it for a while.
Stop watching it.
Why do you want to get rid of it though? If it turns you on, it turns you on. Maybe you should talk to your lady about exploring it a bit.
Doesn’t have to be “full on” her getting fucked by a black dude. It could be a smaller version of things. Just some touching? Her watching a naked guy or couple while you have sex with her? Her pegging you/dominating you?
Whatever she’s comfortable with. You might be surprised with how into it she might be.
I mean the fetish itself isn’t bad, what is bad is the fact that you can only get hard from those thoughts. It means you’re becoming addicted to porn.
This is something that comes with watching porn too much. I’m not blaming you but watching porn too much and in fact masturbating to people having sex kind of wires the brain to get excited and get the pleasure of sex as a third person. It kind of discards the pleasure of having sex yourself completely and gets excited only when you watch it.
So the category of cuckoldry, humiliation or even infidelity is the closest type of sex that gets relatable to what you’re actually doing while watching porn. Characters like cucks are representation of what one actually does behind the screen while watching porn. Connecting the dots, the mind wires you into watching only those stuffs develops such kinks.
Personally I’m also into such kinks(a lot) but if I’m to provide a solution then I could say that it doesn’t affect my real life relations at all. I believe I’ve a strong mind that lets me differentiate between the two and I never mix or share my kinks even with my partners. I enjoy them on my own secret personality which I’m able to completely switch when I enter the real world.
Hence, all I could say is if you want get rid of it or bury it, try training your mind like meditate or contemplate.
Like me you could also develop a secondary personality which you’re able to prohibit from surfacing to your true characters. Either way it’s achievable…!(:
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Get into a different genre of porn?
Get a close but not quite replacement kink. Is it the voyeurism? Ask for watching her do herself. Is it the humiliation? Get her to do something dominating. If it’s something specific about the other person… hmm you might have to think some options here but yeah go on a journey, find a different one and stick to that one
I’d say first try not to feel bad about having this kink. If you feel ashamed of it, it will become stronger since it becomes a taboo for yourself. Don’t talk about it with your GF, and consciously try to go away from it, don’t give the kink strength, don’t feed it.
Accept that your kink came from porn, don’t feel ashamed for it (it’s a growing kink because men feel ashamed for feeling horny) and that just as that it will go away with time. Besides you must know it yourself, that if it ever happened you’d really feel hurt and emasculated, so it’s a double proof that this fantasy is just that, a fantasy made out of porn, don’t validate it by judging your self worth.
Talk to your girlfriend, tell her like you heard someone was doing that, they enjoyed it bla bla and see her reaction. Maybe she would say that is interesting, bla bla, or she would say that is disgusting. Then you know her opinion and later you can ask for that
I don’t think there’s a need to be so negative about all of this. Ok porn might have an effect on you, but it might also just be your sexual preferences changing or expanding. As they will be doing all you life.
First off, because of the nature of the porn, it feels like a massive taboo and something that will ”freak your girlfriend out”. I get that, I’ve been in the same headspace before. Only brutal, terrifying honesty and open communication can get you to accept it more. Chances are high your GF will not completely understand and might not dhare the kink at all, but that doesn’t mean she can’t accept it. Nor does it mean she will think less of you (most likely the opposite even).
Second, there’s a difference between porn kinks and real life kinks. You can get exited over something in porn because what you can imagine and this imagination can also be used as a mental ‘boost’ of some sorts during sex. This is completely normal and you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it. Although it might help, during sex, to practice really trying to be in the moment.
Thirdly, if you feel like exploring the idea and your girl is up for it. You could also try roleplays and toys. Only if you’re honest about the kink/curiosity, can you explore and learn your true nature.
p.s. don’t get caught up on labels of sexuality, everything is a spectrum. There’s nothing wrong about being not 100 straight.
Sorry for long rant, not trying to tell you how to live your life. It’s jist what helped me. 🙂
Buy her a black dildo and get her to role play with you. Help her learn to talk “dirty” about another man while she makes you watch her use it.
If you talk through the fantasy with her, it can be a hotter-than-hell addition to the bedroom. And, real life play is way more fun than watching it on your computer.
my partner has this kink and it’s advanced to the point (beyond porn) where i don’t feel like he loves or values me anymore. it has completely destroyed my confidence and self worth.
So, this happened to me when i was like 20. Mine kicked in as a result of my ex cheating on me, and it crossed some wires or woke something up in me.
Trying to run away from it is gonna be hard. A lot of people are telling you to stop watching porn, and I tried that, but my imagination filled in the gaps. I also just came less hard to non-cuck porn. Sometimes once this kind of thing happens, it might not go away. You might just have to accept this as a part of you, and if you do, that’s okay.
You don’t have to do it in your relationships, you can just have it as a fantasy. Though, it’ll still probably grow, and at some point you may be comfortable and want it in your relationship. That’s where I’m at now.
I’ve explored being cucked, and it’s awesome. I’m happy with who I am, and my sex life is great. I’m poly now, my wife struggled to actually get into cuckolding, and it became kind of a need for me, but we have great communication and opened up our relationship on my side so I could experience it. It’s been honestly great. It’s super fulfilling, I’ve got lots of confidence, and when women understand it, they usually think it’s sexy as fuck.
How I got here is fucked up, but I’m honestly so happy I’m into these kinks. They help me get through my insecurities, and I feel like happy, confident, well rounded person. Plus I never have to worry about being cheated on again because I think it’s literally impossible for someone to cheat on me.
I have this kink and actively partake in the lifestyle.
If you don’t like it and are highly ashamed of it you should try and get out of it. I would try and figure out what it is that turns you on about the idea. See if that itch can be scratched in different ways.
If you completely want to stop, try working on yourself. Pay attention to how much she loves being with you and how good you make her feel.
Just because you like something doesn’t mean you are going to need to go all in. If you like the idea of your partner with a big dick, try big toys.
What helped me reduce porn intake was removing Reddit and twitter from my phone.
Well now it’s extra taboo. Your relationship should thrive on communication and sexual growth. Share the idea with her and maybe work it into some dirty talk or watch porn together. No need to act on it. Sometimes fantasies stay just as that fantasies.
I (26M) have the same problem with my gf(33F), she is incredible attractive and all the man around her are going mad, because of her body, and her personality. And I imagine her with other man, and one time explore her phone, found video with other guy(we are not so long together, just a couple of months, and it video was made before we met). And this make me feel myself like an angry jealous animal, but also we had great sex… For the first time.
But, now it make me feel really tired. And, honestly, I see my girl with other guy on video, and this doesn’t make me feel something except pain and remorse, by the way this looks boring, cos guy on the video hadn’t our sex drive and his move looks like more she’s a piece of meat for her, which is also makes me angry.
Sorry for bad English.
I think your worried about something which isn’t worrying. So what if you have a cuck fetish. I let my gf peg me, I’m not gunna spend everyday worrying about it. You like what you like, talk to your gf, if she shames you for it, then maybe your afraid of your kink because your afraid of her rejection. You don’t need to be ashamed, there’s way worse things in the world than you liking a type of fetish
I’m under the impression that psychologists have the stance that kinks aren’t something you can just unlearn to enjoy voluntarily. There are unhealthy behaviors, and there are impulses which a person might safely choose not to become actions: it’s the choices of what you do that should be judged morally, not the thoughts or interests which may occur. If you think it’s not healthy in any way to engage in a kink, it’s safer to focus upon others, and highlight those others that you and your partner(s) find mutually acceptable.