My boyfriend Marc and I have been dating for 8 months have known each other and been friends for years . We’re both 29 , our relationship is amazing , we are in love , best friends , have plans to start a life together , amazing chemistry , it’s mind blowing how great we are together. He also has an 8 year old son who I adore.
Everything was as it should be until yesterday and now we’re over … my boyfriend , his son and I went to the beach for a day of fun , we live in FL. We were having a great time until I got blacked out drunk on tequila and embarrassed us all , don’t remember a thing , I did and said so many things which were out of character , including telling Marc “ he can just go hang out with his son “ and acting like I was going to leave them at the beach. Basically just a hot mess and in front of his son too , which is what took the cake and made this time inexcusable.
See there have also been issues with me getting blacked out in the past .. I’m not a very frequent drinker maybe 2x a month , but when I do I sometimes take it overboard, black out and become a demon . This is the third time I have blacked out and embarrassed us in our relationship, Marc gave me an ultimatum last time it happened , and said we were done if this happened again , and it did . he’s sticking to his word
he said he’s heartbroken and loves me dearly but this behavior is a major red flag , he loves me but loves his son more , and can’t have him around someone who can’t keep their composure or set the right example . He says he hates that this has to happen but there’s no way around it. He said we can’t be friends right now because it will be too hard for us to move on, and that maybe we can try being friends in the future … I’m broken. We were supposed to go to a concert this Friday , he just emailed me my ticket and said I can go alone if I still want to 😢. I can’t imagine myself without him. Aside from never drinking again Is there anything I do to save this relationship ?!
8 comments
He set a boundary. You broke it. I honestly do not blame him at all for breaking up with you. He’s putting his son as a priority, which is important. You should work on yourself. And honestly, stop drinking.
No! It’s over.
nope. it’s over. get your drinking under control
Leave him his space, he is going according to the ultimatum he gave you, and you give him no other choice but to fulfill it.
Nothing you can do but let him fulfill it and give him and it, time and space, in the meantime…
Its not the never drinking thats important, this dont last on your own, its the showing you’re ready to put this to death…. start rehab program, change habits and so on.
Therapy is good as well, because blacking out to the point you do not remember anything is not normal and you need to tackle that see whats going… because often our true self is when wasted it reveals our deeper but true nature.
Go for it, for your family’ sake, but most of all, for your own.
Cheers
It’s over. He is absolutely doing the right thing for himself and his son. This is probably hurting him a lot too. If you care about him, you’ll leave him alone so he can move on in peace.
You violated a boundary that was clearly set. The best you could do beyond “not drinking” is to get a handle on why you chose to not violate that boundary to begin with. It’s not just about drinking, but something deeper. You didn’t make that a priority, so now you are having to face the consequences for that.
Right now, you need to focus on changing those things in your life that might be toxic to future relationships. Staying sober is only part of that. Once you manage those other things, your outlook will be much better.
Stop drinking for your own well being. You have a problem. It doesn’t matter how often you drink; going overboard/getting black out drunk whenever you do drink is a indicator you are an alcoholic.
Consider this break up a wake up call. Leave him alone. Get help.
He set a boundary and you broke it. He is being consequent with himself and putting his son first and it’s a good choice. So instead of focusing on getting him back, you should focus on yourself. Don’t lash yourself too hard, but be aware of the necessity of being better and seek help.