Why Do I Struggle with Maintaining Long-Term Friendships?

I’m not the best at socializing, so I only have few close friends whom I trust more or less. But after a short period, I get overstimulated and start feeling irritated with them, even though I genuinely care about them.

I never show my irritation, I just cope by forcing a smile and tagging along.

I don’t want to dislike my friends. I really appreciate the connections I have with them. But it’s like the more time we spend together, the more their flaws and quirks become unbearable. I become overly critical of everything they do and say.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a big friend group, and I expect too much from my few friends. I might be too sensitive or judgmental, or maybe I’m projecting my own insecurities onto them.

I really don’t want to keep going down this path of secretly disliking my friends. It’s like hanging out with them becomes a chore and I can’t even talk to anyone about this. I hate it ᴖ̈