I know now I’ve always had vaginismus and I’m now 48. I’ve always masturbated with my hand just fine since early childhood, but never inside canal! I was terrified to use a tampon until I finally did in college years and was so happy that it was no big deal. I am terrified with sex however. My husband and I married in our forties and I was a virgin, lol.
We’ve literally had sex a handful of times since the beginning for 7 years. Not only have I never had a desire for sex, I hate it more than anything besides my seizure condition and I feel like a freak. It is excruciatingly painful for me and I find it completely disgusting. I’ve always been a prude. He knows rhat I dont like it and how painful it is for me and +has been emotionally painful for him since the beginning as he thinks it’s all his fault and that Im not attracted to him while he is so attracted to me. He says he feels like he’s raping me when we have sex which truly breaks my heart. It’s been an issue since the beginning. He feels like he’s not a man and such a failure. I am extremely shameful and guilt ridden about this and equally feel like a failure and have I’ve also never seeked help. I’ve manually stimulated him many times and I equally hate it. He’s often a real jerk and asshole and I think it’s because he’s resents me. The last argument we had he said he’s in a loveless marriage which also breaks my heart. I told him that I recently found something new that I think might help me(a dialator I found online). He said he’s heard it all before and when I said I have a condition he said I was just making excuses and mocks me for going online to chat and seek advice on the net. He said he doesnt ever want to have sex again with me because I have broken him and doesnt want to be rejected which has been time and time again. He says he has been learning to wrap his head around the idea that he will never have sex again.
Most of the time he sleeps in another room because he doesn’t want to be tempted to touch me and that I dont want to be touched. I do, but not in the way that he wants
He also goes around saying we are just roommates and all he is is the bill payer. Obviously this has been hell although we both know that we love each and he says he’s not going anywhere but of course I feel so selfish and guilty every single day..Ive never talked to anyone about this and just wanted to vent and maybe hear any thoughts…thank you for reading
5 comments
I’M sorry you all have this going on but if he is this miserable why does he stay in the marriage. You both are young enough to find more compatible partners.
You may want to check out the forum for vaginismus for more help. And maybe the dead bedroom forum, but not sure if that would be helpful
I dont have anything else to say because I’m angry that he’s belittling a condition that you have ZERO control over.
You both need to get into therapy or divorce.
You only live on this earth once and from my perspective you’re wasting time by continuing on in this manner.
Edit to add….
If it’s been like this from day one, why did he agree to marry if you were so incompatible sexually?
I have a friend who also has that, she’s been married 10 years and her husband is so supportive and very understanding which really helps her to not feel bad about herself.
Poor guy.