My friend forced her boyfriend to propose right after I got engaged and is now planning her wedding for right before mine. Am I justified in being upset?

27 comments

1. Well, your friend sounds like a real winner.

   You could cut her off, but you’re unlikely to do that. It would be within your rights, though she probably would pretend to shocked incomprehension as to why. Or worse, she’d be genuinely clueless. Either way, too much drama.

   But she’s obviously hysterical because she’s aware she’s the only one of the three that nobody wanted to marry without prodding.

   I’d leverage the obvious difference in your personalities to understand this: take some solace in the fact that you’re a planner and serious about your marriage, not just your wedding. Your people will get or already have gotten save-the-dates before her people. You have your venue. You’re making adult choices.

   She is frantically trying to paper the walls while you are building a home.

   I actually pity her, and her fiancé even more: she’s made an emotional hellscape.

2. It’s certainly shitty and reeks of desperation on her part. I think her fiance will notice eventually at how disingenuous her actions are. If that is the foundation of their marriage, I don’t think it’ll last. Let it implode on its own. Enjoy planning yours, and don’t let her haphazard shotgun wedding overshadow yours.

   If it’s intentional, she’ll show her colours. You can decide from there if it’s worth walking away from.

3. Throw the whole friend away. Of course it was intentional. She’s an awful friend. I would have removed her from my wedding and rescinded her invitation. That’s such BS that she did that. You are right to be mad. It’s super annoying that some people can’t just be happy for others and get jealous when they’re not “first” for everything.

4. Hmm. So…if I’m completely honest, I don’t think a month before is an issue. A week before? Yes. A month? This isn’t ‘right before’ yours in my view. Hers will be old news by the time yours comes around.

   It sounds like she has some deep insecurities re her relationship and being the ‘last’ to get engaged and married. The proposal…it was rushed, but if her fiancé didn’t want to get married, he should have articulated this instead of proposing. I’d let them worry about their engagement and focus on the fact that you’re about to marry the person you love.

5. No one cares about her wedding except her. No one cares about your wedding except you.

   LITERALLY NO ONE CARES ABOUT WEDDINGS.

   So have yours, and enjoy and have a good marriage.

   Edit: The only way anyone will ever think of your wedding after it is if someone is a giant ass.

6. Lol, this could work for you. Let her go first, tell her things you want fake things, let her steal them, but keep your real plans secret, smash her wedding out the water or change the date and still smash her wedding out the water

7. She’s not your friend she’s your competitor. Bet she doesn’t get married and instead her boyfriend leaves her due to her being too demanding. No one should be forced into marrying anyone.

8. It sounds like your friend is all ready to make some poor idiot miserable for a little while. If you’re happy with what’s going on in your life, what does her’s matter to you?

9. I agree with most responses here – that being, ignore it, she is desperately trying not to be the “last” to get married, but it reeks of insecurity and insincerity over her relationship. You do you, enjoy your special day and try not to pay too much close attention to her plans.

   But importantly, if you don’t want her to imitate you further then DO NOT share wedding plans with her – flower arrangements, makeup, dresses, colour schemes, whatever. She sounds like the kind of person petty enough to copy and then claim she did it all first. If you care about those things it will aggravate you more. Keep your cards close to your chest.

10. I’m really sorry your friend took a beautiful milestone in your life and made the focus about her and what she didn’t have yet. She sounds deeply insecure and is racing to cross the marriage finish line before you.

    I don’t see your friendship being without frustration until after the wedding. Anytime you talk about your shower, bachelorette, themes, honeymoon, etc…she will probably change the subject to talk about HER experience. In your friend trio, you are going to be forced to share the limelight. Which…isn’t a big deal. But it can certainly get annoying.

    So don’t engage. Go out with your married friend. Get excited about your wedding with other family/friends. Don’t spend as much time as a friend trio. Spend less time with your newly engaged friend so that you can enjoy this time in your life without feeling the frustration of her trying to keep up with you.

    And remember. At least you didn’t have to force your fiancé to propose.

11. I would recommend you honestly share that you probably won’t be as available to support her in planning her wedding due to the timing with your own wedding, but I wouldn’t try to argue that she stole your engagement or wedding season or something of that nature- it will come across as self centered. Take some emotional distance from her. Focus on your own wedding and building your own marriage.

    Do yourself a favor and don’t share your planning with her. You don’t want to find she’s copied your flowers and wedding colors etc. thankfully her wedding is first- she won’t get to see what you’ve planned before hers.

    If it helps, know you’re not alone in this situation. When my boyfriend proposed, my sister had broken up with a guy she was casually dating. After I set a date, she told me they were back together and getting married two weeks before me even though they didn’t have a ring and he hadn’t actually proposed. I was furious with the timing and the burden it would place on our family to attend both back to back. Ultimately though, even if your friend is only getting married because she is jealous of your engagement- that isn’t your responsibility to manage. That’s her mistake it make or make work. It may be the best thing for them! You can’t know for sure, so just set your boundaries with how you will interact with their wedding and planning and try hard not to take it personally. And in the end, it might not end up being schedule on that date- my sister needed another full year to get her venue and planning done. You never know what will end up happening.

12. You can’t stop Wiley Coyote from running off that cliff. Just step back and let it happen.

13. Yes you are but why does it bother you she’s trying to do this first? Last min weddings like hers are proven to be a disaster. Would you get upset at the person speeding into traffic faster than you? She has her reasons for wanting to do all these things but you’re the person with a stable mindset. Don’t let her wiles get on your nerves. You’re going into the happiest years of your life, I doubt she can say the same. Weddings don’t make a marriage.

    She’s obviously doing this both for her personal reasons and to get a reaction out of you. Don’t react, you are too busy with your plans to be bothered by this. Marriage is not a race, I’ve never heard the phrase “ah yes that ended poorly its because they got married too late”

    It’s always “they weren’t ready for marriage.” There’s no first for this, just who lasts the longest.

14. Just wait until you have kids….

15. My cousin did this to me too. Her marriage lasted 5 months. I’m still married 12 years later. In the long run, it doesn’t matter. Plan your wedding and enjoy it.

16. If it’s any solace to you, her marriage will also end before yours does. So I think that’s fair.

17. You can just sit back and sip your tea and watch as her entire relationship goes up in flames. She sounds very immature, jealous, petty, demanding, and manipulative. These are not the foundation blocks of a marriage, and she’s going to learn real quick what real life is being married.

    She does not have the emotional intelligence or the maturity to even be a wife. Divorce within 5 years. Guaranteed.

18. I think she sounds like a bad friend and an unstable person and I think you should totally ignore her.

    That being said… Random suggestion but you could push yours back a few months. Or move it forward. Ideally I would push it back though because until she’s married she’s going to suck all the wedding related air out of the room. It would give you a few months to have it be about your wedding instead of hers.

    And I know you already know this but the wedding isn’t really that important in the grand scheme of things. We ended up with a three-month engagement because of extreme family drama (my dad is mentally ill). Wedding was nice but tiny and frankly I don’t even think about it unless someone brings up weddings! The marriage is what’s important. The wedding is ultimately just a day in your life.

19. My best friend got married a month before me. I actually called and booked her going to look at the venue I had already booked because it offered the most within her budget in the area and I knew this because I had just done the research and visited a ton of places myself. We joked that her wedding was my chance to see a trial run.

    None of it was a big deal. There wasn’t much overlap, we both prioritized each other at the appropriate times. Short of a small handful of friends, we had vastly different guests lists.

    It feels personal right now because your milestone event kickstarted your friend’s spiral. In reality, it really isn’t personal though, this is centered on her own insecurities. Be as excited as you want to be. Celebrate yourself and your friend. Keep your plans on the down low if copying them would bother you.

    She’s setting up building blocks for a divorce while you are setting them up for a marriage. Take a breath, hope it works out for the best for her, and enjoy this milestone in your life.

20. Sweetie, she forced a shut up ring out of her bf. How do you think their marriage is going to go?

    I understand your anger, but play it cool and watch them implode. Concentrate on building a life with your fiance.

21. Personally I would remove her as a bridesmaid. Don’t share info with her. I would also be concerned with your friends not wanting to spend money on two bridesmaids dresses back to back.

22. Marriage won’t last long . Live your own good life and forget her

23. desperation is the worst cologne a person can wear and she reeks of it.

24. Maybe she did, but the better question is why do you care? Do you feel it steals your thunder or something?

25. A) she’s not your friend, friends don’t do these kinds of things.

    B) when, not if, she ends up separated or divorced, give her a nice big DUH and congratulate her on being the first in the group to achieve that.

26. First I give it 30/70 her relationship lasts until the wedding day. She sounds unhinged. Second, make sure you get your save the dates out pronto. Third don’t be surprised if she copies elements of your wedding and/or tries to one up them. As such I would be careful about how much detail you tell her re your plans and your vendors. Fourth try your damnest to be the bigger person here. Its a month before not the weekend before.

27. 2 things. She’s not a real friend to you. And no way her marriage will last. She’s an attention seeker.