I get told all the time that I’m so chill and never seem to talk about myself much. I never know how to feel about this because in all honesty, I LOVE talking about myself, but I also find it exhausting to actually do that most of the time in real life.
My speaking voice is naturally pretty low and quiet, and plus it can be mentally exhausting to always come up more interesting things to say than other people, etc. But I genuinely do love opening up. I guess my dream scenario would be for everyone around me to just constantly ask questions about me and show me clear attention instead of me having to fight for it. Anyone else?
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I can define attention the way you are using it as a mental pairing between individuals. It sounds nerdy and wordy, but I believe that is what you are getting at.
In this post I want to lean towards the more positive side this pairing can work towards.
Working for the attention that we all have fond memories of can be paradoxical and counterintuitive.
Most obviously these memories involve our parents or those who raised us from a young age.
So at any one stage in life we are looking for any feeling that resembles these memories, yet there is a balance that inevitably is created once we stray from our caregivers. With their passing we seek to recreate the attention they gave us by attempting to replicate it with similar models through life. I want to say this is when adulthood begins, if it is ever okay to pose a temporary starting point from where we can all be less afraid, and more confident.
Most unfortunately, the bigger world one places themselves in, the greater diversity of child care and upbringing becomes. Manners and customs begin diffusing our abilities to slow down. The inclination to remain alone increases, rather then remain together with whomever we didn’t want to work for it.
There are no excuses though, and life is short. Everyone needs time alone; to find their life purpose, or whatever they might think will take them a lifetime to understand, or whatever wakes them up in the middle of the night of a deep sleep.