Me (21F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been together for almost 1 year
With the way rent is going, I wouldn’t be able to afford my rent, my boyfriend had offered for me to live with him and his mother to ease the stress of finding a place to live until I have more money in my pockets. Which is great, I love him so much and most days I really want him to spend more time with me. But I’m so worried about living with him, that I feel like I’m losing control of my situation. I feel like I failed at being strong and on my own completely. I hated telling him about what was going on and that I was struggling. I’m super grateful that he is willing to help but at the same time accepting the help makes me feel like a loser. One moment I want just end things completely which breaks me completely because I really do love him and can imagine us getting married and having a family. I feel like I’m depending on him way too much.
TLDR: I’m moving in with my boyfriend and I feel like a loser for doing so. How do I go about telling him my concerns without hurting him.
3 comments
You are 21, and I assume fresh out of college. Not being able to afford first months, last month, security fee for an apartment right now doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Most people your age live with multiple roommates or still live at home, or have parental help with rent. Also, even if you had plenty of money, you might still want to live with your boyfriend to live with him, as couples do. You need to let go of this idea that you’re depending on him and let him help you, as partners do for each other, until you’re able to change things.
Most people are going to say, talk to him… he will understand. But, I’m honest and blunt & perhaps my words are harsh, but it’s out of respect & the golden rule.
Sounds like you are mature & smart about how life works. I think you know early 20s is your time & the only real time you will be solo if you are taking a traditional route in life.
You are not a failure & have accomplished living in your own & I’m sure learned a lot about life & yourself. He is 5 years older and still lives at home, I hope he has tried to live alone before, in my opinion if you don’t try.. you fail.
If you ever bring up money and moving in with a spouse, it’s an excuse. You are trying to justify why you are doing it. For example, if you moved back with family or roomed with your best friend, would you feel the same way, like a failure and depending on them too much?
Have a conversation with him, with a pre-planned into and discussion points
“Babe, I’m feeling distressed about my lack of contribution. I sometimes feel like a failure. I want to contribute here to feel like I’m not a leech, but I also want to save for the future. Can you help me strike a balance?”