Import info: we’re currently long distance and dated for 10 months in person.
So yesterday my GF went out to a club with her cousin and his friends. This is obviously completely fine and not worth thinking about.
After a few hours she told me she was dancing with one of the guys and out of curiosity i asked what kind of dance it was. She said “Bachata”. I looked it up and to be honest i was shocked and felt hurt. I actually sent her a short clip of the dance and asked if she ACTUALLY danced so close with him and she said yes.
Weeks before we agreed not to dance these kind of sexual dances with strangers and i feel like she broke this rule.
When i confronted her and told her that i was upset/sad she was completely surprised and didnt understand why.
I really hope i dont exaggerate but i dont want to hear from her or talk to her right now.
How should I deal with the situation?
31 comments
Haha. Just watched a video. I’d be pissed.
So basically, she was grinding all over him from what i saw in the video. Yeah, I would be pissed too.
Go to a strip club, get a lap dance and send her a video. It’s just dancing.
So you think everyone in Latin America is making “sexual dances” so people in relationships should stop dancing?
This is just dumb.
And people who are coming here and saying they saw a video of grinding, it’s not like that. What video are they watching?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCVQmEeBfbU&ab_channel=Howcast](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCVQmEeBfbU&ab_channel=Howcast)
Also, I don’t see the point of having a long distance relationship at 21. You didn’t even date a year in person.
i feel like there’s some more context needed?
is she hispanic or latin, is she living in south america? bachata is not a sexual dance like a lap dance, like i’ve seen some people say.
you are well within your rights to be uncomfortable but consider the fact that it IS a dance that people do every day, and it is not inherently sexual even if you see it that way. explain the boundary and move on
Is everyone googling “horny bachata” or something? I just watched like 20 videos and didn’t see anything I’d deem overtly sexual in them. It’s a dance that you do in public. That you can take classes in. If you can’t handle having a girlfriend who likes to dance with a partner, maybe you’re not ready for a girlfriend.
Don’t let everyone get you so worked up, I used to dance bachata with friends all the time (approved by my latino bf, he was there but didn’t like dancing as much). It doesn’t have to be done so close and “sexually”. It’s actually a really fun dance when everyone is jamming to the music out on the dance floor.
I’m so confused. Is she Latina? Dominicans dance bachata at every family gathering, with their cousins, siblings, parents, with kids, etc. It’s not inherently sexual. It CAN be of course, but why is everyone acting like an entire genre of dance is equivalent to sex??
Im Latina and Ive been to multiple parties where we danced Bachata, I understand that the dance may seem very “sexual” but it really isnt. It just depends on her intention with the dance. Usually there is no intention with anything because its just a dance. But if she was attracted to the guy she was dancing with, she knew what she was doing.
All the people who had to look up what bachata is, your opinion here counts for nothing. It doesn’t have to be super close. Shit, I’ve danced it with friends and family. People have dance partners for competitions sometimes. It can be a very lovely and entertaining dance, but it doesn’t have to be grinding or “horny.”
Ballroom dance and Salsa can also be intense and look romantic, but honestly, sometimes it’s just very fun dancing!!
What video are you guys watching? Bachata is regular dancing for Latinos. We dance with family that’s how comfortable it is.
As a Dominican, this is not that big of a deal
As a long time ballroom dancer, Bachatta is supposed to look sexy. The people dancing aren’t screwing on the dance floor. You’re over reacting. Go take some Latin dance classes and you will understand. Lots of people dance sexy with Latin music but they aren’t falling into bed after.
There are 2 types of bachata. The one you see in videos is very sensual/sexual and mostly done by professional dancers. It’s not easy to do and a beginner like her would not be able to do it unless she’s a pro dancer. Regular newbie bachata it’s more about 2 steps to one side 2 steps to other with like a body of space in between. I’m a 40m newbie from Puerto Rico, always wanted to learn the sexual one.
I probably shouldn’t say this… but my mom taught me bachata… it doesn’t have to be a sexual thing haha.
I can see being a little upset but I don’t think it’s a break up thing. She sees it differently and it’s not sexual and she readily shared info with you.
As a Latino, bachata isn’t always sexual. My family does it as a family dint see why so many are caught up on it. It doesn’t have to be skin to skin
Having danced the bachata I was curious and went to see what was shown and truly it is nothing like how it is danced between friends the ones that I saw were professionals showcasing their skills nothing like it is done the times I have danced it.
LMAO. Bachata isn’t ‘sexual’. Bachata can be danced in many different ways. Friends & Family members can dance bachata without it being ‘sexual’. If you can’t handle dating a Latina, don’t do it.
Sounds like a simple miscommunication to me. Can you not just talk about it?
It’s just dancing dude. Two things, do you trust her? If yes, then you should stop worrying.
Second, almost all dancing with a partner is sensual. That’s why people do it, that’s why it’s where people often go to find partners or on date nights. But dancing is also just fun. But it’s nearly impossible to dance in a club and not have some sensual moments. There doesn’t have to be any feeling or meaning behind them at all. But the movements are pretty much always sex based.
Bachata is a close dance but it is not inherently sexual. You sound like you’re just uneducated about different cultures and are putting your own beliefs about what’s normal onto a different cultural standard.
Bachata is cultural, you’re the asshole, get over it. Got bored of reading but if you’re like me and have a smoking hot Latina gf this just goes with the territory. Bachata is as harmless Americans eating cranberry sauce on thanksgiving
The agreement you have with her is not practical.
You’re younger than her and have a different way of looking at things. To try and maintain a relationship that you want is impractical for her.
Because you’re long distance and don’t appear to be getting a location close to each other in the future , you didn’t indicate that you would be.
You can’t expect her not to do the things she wants to. Your agreement wasn’t practical for her and you
It’s a dance. To someone who dances, it’s like doing a waltz or a tango. Remove the idea of sexiness from it and it is just moving your body in a particular rhythm and form, no different than any other dance.
If your GF is into dancing, it is not a sexual thing to her. And if you cannot trust her to go out dancing- something that it sounds like she really enjoys doing- then you’ve got bigger problems than this.
Bachata and Latin dance in general is very sensual. But I promise you, that’s very different from sexual dance!! If you’re not used to Latin dance styles, do some learning before you jump to breaking up. Maybe try it yourself!
The way OP led this off, I assumed he was gonna say his girl was daggering at the club.
Then he said she was doing the Bachata, and I was like damn, either OP is uncultured or insecure 😭
Despite popular opinion, I do think you’re overreacting imo. She could have hid it but she obviously didn’t see any harm. She prob just felt like dancing and if she can move like that, good for her! Nice to let loose sometimes.
Long distance relationships can be tough so I get it though. I think your imagination is your worst enemy. If you love your girl, don’t let something petty like this create a rift in your relationship. Now she knows this isn’t something you’re comfortable with.
IT’S A FREAKING DANCE. RELAX
I don’t know. Maybe seek more clarity? Because I just watched a “howcast – What is Bachata?” video, and it doesn’t look any more intimate than a waltz. So I guess there are different levels of bachata
OP, learn how to bachata dance. If your gf is Latin/Hispanic, it’s pretty normal to dance it even with relatives. There are different types. Not all are as upclose as what you see on vids. Keep in mind that she was honest when you asked. If there’s a reason for you to break up, it should be the long distance relationship.