For those of you who have experienced bullying growing up, tell me if you’ve ever experienced this kind of bullying that I’m going to describe here. To preface, I’m someone who’s generally quiet/reserved, socially anxious when interacting with new people, and possibly on the autism spectrum.
For example, I’ve had many people in school who would ask me insincere questions or put me into social situations that make me uncomfortable in attempts to illicit an awkward reaction from me for their own entertainment. I’m currently dealing with a guy at work that exhibits alot of the same patterns of behavior that my bullies did growing up. He would ask me seemingly insincere questions and every time I would respond he’d smirk. We were talking about our employment history at one point during our conversation and I mentioned that I was in the military for a short period of time and he responded with “you don’t strike me as a military guy, but rather a pizza delivery guy”. He made a few other insensitive comments throughout our conversation as well that I found a bit questionable. The other day he tapped on the guy next to him and told him “hey look, that’s nocturnalmezziah” and I looked over at him and he said “what’s up” with a smirk. I gave him a brief blank stare and he followed up with “are you doing alright?” and I asked him what he needed from me in a stern tone and from there he went back to work. Never had an experience with him since.
Have any of you experienced this kind of bullying? If so, what did you do about it?
3 comments
> “you don’t strike me as a military guy, but rather a pizza delivery guy”
Classic negging. How lovely.
Yes, I do have experience with this type of bullying. It’s a really tricky situation because it’s not overt and those who aren’t the direct target might not notice malice. And if you, the target, address this behavior, you’re seen as crazy, oversensitive etc. Cause technically “they’re not doing anything wrong” (blergh).
In my case, at first I tried to avoid my bully at school. Whenever she was in the same room, or joined a group conversation, I’d leave. Not like running away immediately. More like “oh, I need to go to the library to do [insert whatever]”, “I need to find [person]. I just remembered I need to talk to them.”, “Guys, I have so much to do. I gotta go now, see you later”.
It didn’t work tho. This b*tch would literally go after me. She’d just casually pop wherever I was and keep making these shitty comments. She only stopped when I started negging her back.
If you’re not obliged to talk to this guy, avoid him at all costs. Leave the room to do something somewhere else. Say “I can’t talk right now, I’m so busy with [whatever]”. Pretend to be fully immersed in your own thoughts about work, kinda detached from your surroundings even. And most important: STOP giving him information about yourself. He’ll keep using it to neg you even more. In general, I just recommend gray rocking.
Good thing he stopped for now. Just keep an eye on his behavior to see if he’ll try again.
Sounds like he gave up when he stopped getting a rise out of you. That’s really the trick.
Bullies are insecure sad sacks. They get their joy from trying to bring other people down to their level. The one thing they usually aren’t though, is smart.
Learn to recognize it early, maintain confidence and calmness, and try not to get caught up in it. If you do, stand up to them. Most bullies would never target someone they thought would fight back.
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