I’ve had this dilemma a lot in my life but right now I’m not sure what to say, here’s a little background;
An old family “friend” (its arguable it’s an acquaintance) messaged me about a year ago on facebook and I didn’t respond, I just didn’t see the message. By the time I did see it he messaged me something a long the lines of “was just checking in to see how you and family is doing…” My social anxiety got the best of me and I just didn’t respond.
Before I go further I want to say this person is a friend/acquaintance of my family due to the dealings my family used to get into, aka illegal substances. We messaged each other personally a few times when I was underage and he was about 18/19, we never hung out alone but talked about it a few times and flirted a bit. We literally have nothing in common other than we used to like to party and smoke weed. (Which I haven’t done either in YEARS)
About a week ago the guy reached out again on Instagram saying Hi. I decided to message him back this time asking how he was, we went through the typical back and forth. He asked me about my son (who he’s only seen on social media) and then asked me if I wanted to hang out soon and asked if I was free Sunday
I avoided the question by saying I had plans to go to sports game with my husband and in-laws (which was true) but maybe another time. He later asked me how the game was and for my phone number.
I’m really realizing I shouldn’t have responded at all since I have no interest in really being friends with this person and I don’t give out my personal number to just anyone. I also can’t help but believe he wants to finally meet up since we flirted with each other on IM back in 2013…which I’m uncomfortable with even remembering.
Is there anyway I can fix this situation in the most polite/nice way possible? I feel bad if this is just a lonely guy trying to make friends :/
26 comments
Don’t feel bad. You have your own family to worry about, not some rando. Just be honest with him and say you’re super busy being a mom and wife and don’t really have the time to hang out.
You can just tell him that you’re not comfortable giving your number to him because you haven’t seen each other in years. You can also tell him that it’s nice of him to check in but you have a lot going on at the moment and you’re not feeling very social, so you won’t be able to meet up any time soon.
Shouldn’t of even responded and definitely shouldn’t have said maybe another time
I think even Miss Manners would say it’s perfectly OK to ghost this person!!
He might be a lonely guy – how much is it your responsibility? There are various mens groups and hobby groups available for him. In what way do you feel he needs you, if at all?
Just tell him what’s in the title
And for the future don’t say “maybe another time” unless you genuinely mean it. That implies that you still want to hang out.
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“My husband and I would love to chat with you? Can you meet us at such-and-such for drinks on Tuesday?”
Or whenever. You’ll never hear from him again.
On the off chance you do, simply decline giving your number like this: “My husband and I agree that social media is best way to keep in touch with old acquaintances.”
Always lead with your husband, make it clear that you are a faithful, married woman and there will be zero meetup or communication without your husband being involved.
What do you think you’d want your husband to see if he looked through your messages? Just write that, it’ll do.
“I mean no disrespect, but I don’t want to give you my number or hang out with you at all, I hope you understand”
If he is understanding, saying something like “alright, have a nice day then”, you may end with “you too” but if he doubles down like “what, are you serious?”, just don’t answer since everything has been said. Remeber that you neither need a reason for why you don’t give your number or want to hang out, nor do you need to apologize for it.
Say it exactly like that… some people need to be hit over the head with it. The other day I told an office mate that they had a better chance of finding a 1822 penny on the street than me joining them for lunch ….. (I did add “but that applies to most people” when I felt the stir of regret)
Block him
I’m on team ghost.
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No thanks or I’m good works lol
You’re married end of the conversation right there, you think he wants to chill with you just to hang out? Like a male would with his buddies? Why don’t women understand it, you’re a woman not a girl you should know this by now cmon. Literally just tell him you’re married that’s it
You’re not the only person he can make friends with. I think he needs to look elsewhere.
A friend of mine, when people would pester her for her number, would give them the number for a business. Or give them a number for a joke a day line or something.
That said, I think that your social anxiety was spot on. It doesn’t sound like you want to be friends with this person, so now that you’ve told them you’re busy, I see no reason to respond. Hubby and I will sometimes write important responses to things jointly. If this guy keeps persisting, maybe writing a joint rejection letter, and sending it as you, cc’ing hubby, would be a good idea.
Just block him lmao. Don’t be nice to creeps
Eh, I would just ghost him.
Make it subtly clear to your family that you don’t like this person. They pick up on your distaste and will do the work for you. For social media: move him to filtered messages or silent block him (ie mute)
You 100% do not owe him anything. It’s also super weird that he would ask you to hang out since you’re married. If you’re single that would be a date. He’s probably just lonely and you are a source of attention. I’d just tell him, “no thanks,” and stop responding.
“As I’m married and living a pretty full life right now, I don’t have time to reconnect any further, but I’m wishing you well with everything.”
You can always blame your husband.
“You know, that’s a kind offer, but I am really not interested. I hope you are well, but I have moved on in life. Thanks for trip down memory lane, take care.”
Or
“I think it is best we stay social media acquaintances”
Or simply,
“Thanks but no thanks”
Nie ways don’t work. When i was young and drunk i would not stop when hearing nice answer. Nice answer would make me even more encouraged.
Say……I am married and do not hang out with guys, stop messaging me.