I 36M was on vacation recently with my GF 32F and several others. I had accidentally taken a set of keys that one of my family members needed, but wasn’t told that they were needed immediately until I was already hours away from home.
So on a Monday I went to the UPS store in the morning to go mail them back home. My GF wasn’t awake yet when I got up so I quietly got ready and left. I told the first person I saw to tell my gf that I had to go to the ups store if she came down before I got back.
Turns out she was half asleep when I left and came down stairs to see where I went. She was told exactly what I said. I went and shipped the keys and then made a pit stop at a gas station and went back to where we were staying.
Everything was done and the keys would arrive the next day. I didn’t think anything of it and thought my GF had been asleep until I got back. I mentioned that I got a charger earlier in the day but didn’t mention the ups store as I didn’t think it pertained to anyone there but myself and it was a small inconvenience to ship the keys.
Apparently me not telling my GF was a mistake and she was waiting for me to bring it up even though she already knew. So she ended up brining it up and asked me why I didn’t volunteer that info. I didn’t think it was important so I didn’t talk about it randomly. At one point she said everyone there thought I was being strange-though I didn’t get that vibe and nobody else said anything.
So I guess she was offended that I didn’t tell her where I had gone and she thought that I had something like a ring shipped to where we were staying. It was like I couldn’t convince her after that point that I had gone to ship keys.
And later on I came to find out that nobody else thought I was being strange and she was using blanket statements even though she was the only one thinking that, she just told me everyone thought that for some reason.
TLDR: GF got mad because I didn’t immediately tell her I had gone to ship keys while she slept.
Where do I go from here?
28 comments
Sounds like she’s blowing this out of proportion and she’s making a mountain out of a mole hill. Tell her to get over herself.
I was confused about why she’d get so upset about this until you mentioned she thought you had a ring shipped to your location. She hoped you were going to propose to her. She was disappointed you didn’t have a ring when you came back & likely concocted the story about everyone thinking you were acting strangely to cover that up.
She would never get a ring after this childish behavior.
How long have the two of you been dating? Does she regularly try to test you and trap you? Have you done something to shake her trust in you?
I would find it exhausting (and insulting?) if my partner did not trust me like that.
Unless it’s situational and she has really been waiting for a ring for a while?
Ask her when she started to believe you could read minds. When she confirms she doesn’t think you’re a mind reader, ask her how she could possibly believe you could know what she was expecting from you without her telling you at some point. Launch into how couples need to be able to communicate with one another because nobody is a mind reader.
Hopefully, this leads to a conversation about simply asking questions and talking before getting all bent out of shape when someone doesn’t read your mind… 🙂
Why not just leave SMS on her phone? I do this when my SO is sleeping and I need to go
unless there’s something you left out about the vacation or your relationship she’s over blowing this
but you’re also being weird? why tell people to tell her something and then tell her something else even if you didn’t think she heard the first thing? you went out to ship a key. why say anything else? those tiny lie by omissions that seem tiny? those create a slow fracture of trust – bc the lies/omissions are so tiny and useless the brain starts wondering what else is being left out and why. if this is a habit of yours, i can see her reaction.
as for the other people? are these people you’re vacationing with? staff? you involved them in the interaction with your gf again? and also decided she was lying and they weren’t telling white lies? i bet they think you’re both being a bit odd now if they didn’t before….
What good traits does she have, because this is a bad one
Your girlfriend has insecurities. Insecurities are not a great guests. They don’t leave when you ask them to and they butt into everyone’s business.
A person has insecurities because they have needs that are unmet (or went unmet for a long time). The only way to get over insecurities is to have your needs met and learn to trust yourself. This is only something that she can do for herself.
The only thing that you can do to help her is to care about her unconditionally and encourage her to be direct with what she needs. Many people with insecurities have learned to try to control as much as possible because this removes as many variables as possible. Controlling your boyfriend will feed your insecurities. It takes maturity to see this. You should encourage her to trust you but ultimately she might not be capable. It is very difficult to trust anyone when you don’t trust yourself.
My advice to you is keep firm boundaries with her. You don’t have to be 1000% accountable to be trusted. Either you have the character to be trusted or the person isn’t capable of trusting: that’s their responsibility (or in this case her responsibility).
If you decide to stay with her be patient but firm. Trust your gut instincts and keep good boundaries. Don’t compromise your integrity (not being trusted) to appease her. She has to come to the crossroads of being someone who can trust or can’t. Don’t sacrifice yourself in an effort to lead her in the right direction.
Come on just say sorry I forgot and be happy
So she got her hopes up that you were being sneaky because you were going to propose and now she feels dumb? That’s not your fault.
I literally cannot comprehend what her problem is. Wtf the key issue was your problem
It is none of her business how you handle this unless it involves her (ex. The keys are her sibling’s). Unless she was offering to handle resolving it, she doesn’t need to be involved.
> So I guess she was offended that I didn’t tell her where I had gone and she thought that I had something like a ring shipped to where we were staying.
Based on how you started that sentence I can’t tell if you’re *guessing* she thought you had “something like a ring” shipped or if she actually said that.
Did she say something like “I think it’s suspicious you went to the UPS store and didn’t tell me, did you get a ring or something shipped to you?” It would be weird to me if she said that… was she trying to ruin a surprise proposal? (Maybe she doesn’t want a surprise public proposal and she feared that would happen, I dunno.)
Anyway, I think her reaction to you omitting the errand is confusing so I can imagine how you feel. I’m just not sure if this is really about her anticipating a proposal or she’s suspicious of something else. But you telling her you left instructions for a friend to tell her where you went should’ve settled the matter, because that happened. You obviously weren’t hiding it from her, unless she thinks you’re lying about the instructions. Does she often accuse you of lying to her?
You both have bizarre communication skills (or lack of)
Dump that crazy woman.
She was hoping you were going to propose. If you aren’t aware of this, you guys should talk about where you are and where you want to go! This could be a good way to grow together and see if you’re moving in the same direction.
She’s hella insecure my friend….. it sounds like she thought you were going to propose & was upset/felt dumb for being wrong and then brought *everyone else* into it by saying *everyone* thought you were being strange (which makes it even worse imo)
I see a lot of people saying you could have just left a note, but you’re staying at a new place for vacation, what if you couldn’t find a pen and paper, sending a text might have woken her up when she was sleeping. Telling one of your friends who was already awake was the right thing to do imo and it’s childish she got upset about this.
As one commenter said, she’s making a mountain over a mole hill & she needs to chillax a bit. (I also saw a comment saying you’ve been dating less than a year??? That’s a bit much/early, no?)
You both sound like weirdos.
Jesus that sounds suffocating, I’m exhausted just reading about it. She’s being extremely weird and annoying.
Your gf picked this fight with you rather than talking about what actually bothers her.
I don’t understand these people saying you lied by omission? You told someone to tell her you left to do w/e when she woke. She was told. You get get home, don’t mention it because it’s not important & she was told since she was awake. Literally said “tell gf I went to mail the key” when she wakes up. She’s awake when you get back. You assume she was told. Where’s the lie??? Holy shit people wanna project their insecurities onto Reddit relationships so bad.
–
Man don’t you know you need a 24/7 running text thread telling her where you’re at, what you’re doing, who you’re with, etc? Get with the times sheesh /s
But why would she think you were keeping this from her when you specifically told someone to tell her what you were doing if she got up.
Honestly I can relate, OP -once I’ve done something that is just a trivial task I don’t document every move I made to the people around me haha
I think she maybe made some assumptions and read into your behaviours and now feels a bit silly, it’s not necessarily as “red flaggy” as some people are pointing out, but I think you’re the best judge of that.
This isn’t about the keys or his, you have communication issues bin your relationship you need to work on
I think you’re both acting weird. When you got home and saw her, neither of you said ‘oh, did mailing the keys go OK’ or ‘glad I got the keys taken care of’, or ‘did so and so tell you I went to mail the keys?’ or ‘I stopped for gas in the way back from mailing the key, I brought you a muffin’. It would be so natural to mention it, EITHER of you.
So it is weird that you didn’t say anything but it’s also super nuts that she didn’t just bring it up, herself. I wonder if she had some half-dream that gave her the idea you were up to something sneaky.
Do you often get up while she’s still sleeping? I’d feel a little lonely if my partner was in the habit of leaving me in bed in the morning to go do whatever. (but, I’m usually the one who wakes up first and I read or look at social media until my partner wakes up)
So she thought you were going to come back from the UPS store with a ring and immediately propose to her in her pajamas? That is bizarre. If I thought my boyfriend was picking up a ring to propose I would not breathe one word about it so as to not ruin the surprise or make myself look a fool if it did not happen. Maybe she is just generally very insecure and took this opportunity to get a dig in and drop a big old hint that she is wanting to be engaged.
You communicate horribly, and so does she. That’s really all this boils down to. You both made deliberate decisions to make this as weird and awkward and borderline dishonest as possible, over literally nothing.
that might seem like a dumb thing to get upset or paranoid over but we don’t have any back context because we don’t know you. i have a friend who lies all the time so even when she tells me mundane truths, i don’t always necessarily believe her. people are pathological liars and many people have trauma about liars/manipulators (same thing) so even though you lied about something super minor, she is now suspicious of you because why would you lie about that? just explain everything you told us to her and if you can’t have a conversation about it, you should ask her if there were previous instances she was concerned about? you shouldn’t lie about small or big things to your partner if you want a trusting relationship