My husband(29) and I(26) have been married for 6 years now and we have a great sex life but it just bothers me that he doesn’t seem very excited. Recently I’ve lost a lot of weight and went blonde and he says I look amazing but I just thought he would be more into it.
I know I’m not boring in bed, I’m scared that he’s just gotten too used to me.

50 comments

  1. Why are you asking us? We aren’t having sex with you. Why don’t you tell your husband what you have observed, and tell him you want to make sure he is enjoying it as much as you are, ask him if there is anything he needs to change up. You have to communicate openly with him in order to get answers, or maybe there is no problem at all and he never cared about the extra lbs in the first place and he will tell you as much.

  2. There is an online test or tool called “MOJO upgrade.” Google it and consider taking the test with him.

  3. How is your sex life ? Is it vanilla do you both spice it up if you want I can send you a guide on stuff my wife and I do. Also ask him communication is key in relationship. Does the sex feel like a chore is it passionate ?

  4. If it starts to become mundane then start putting some spice into it. For example..Plan quick weekend gateways at a nice hotel, or wear somethings that you know your husband would be all over with them on. Try having sex in different rooms (and or places) of the house at different times. Be spontaneous.

  5. I feel the same way because my husband falls asleep any time he touches me and vice versa (him falling asleep when I touch him). I don’t even feel desired anymore after having 2 kids and it’s dealt a heavy blow to my confidence where I’m feeling even more insecure now that he doesn’t want me sexually.

  7. My advice is to change up what you do and how you do it. Outfits. Positions. Locations. Dirty talk. Toys. Touch him or have him touch you in ways you haven’t before or don’t usually. Watch porn together if you’re into that and take notes.

  8. Only if you let it. There is effort required to keep it new and exciting and asking people on Reddit will not get you any silver bullet that works.

  9. Girl you need to COMMUNICATE with your partner. Tell him how you feel, what you’re worried about and ask if there is anyway you can spice it up or explore new things. Living with unaddressed insecurities will just harbor resentment and kill your confidence.

  10. Cant wait for all the replies saying they are perfect for 30 years.

    The same sex gets boring, theres only so much you can differentiate.

    For me going longer inbetween helps

  11. Its normal but you need to talk to her and see if yall can incorporate sex toys or stronger foreplay to spice things up. See where she’s comfortable at. Meet in the middle. When I was dating my long term bf, I found it harder for me to orgasm (he was attractive, its just my usual ways wasn’t getting me off) so I bought a vibrator and used it during our time. I asked him before and he was totally ok with it. He wasn’t offended bc we were able to get off on it together.

  12. Absolutely normal. Spice it up. Role play, play sex board or dice games, just find something fun and new to do.

  13. My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We’ve had amazing sex the entire time. It only got “boring” or not great was when there was emotional detachment as we were struggling with our marriage. Once we worked through it, we started having even better sex to the point that it’s literally mind-blowing. One of the first signs of issues we were having was the lack of sex or lack of excitement in the sex.

    Is there something else going on in your marriage outside of sex? Have a talk with your husband. If you both are 100% sure it’s nothing like that, then maybe try a few new things. You can hold off a little longer in between. Get some toys. Buy yourself a few new lingerie sets, I’m sure that will excite him. Anytime I bust out the fishnets, my husband goes wild.

    Also, you can go on Heaux Cosmetics, and she sells the highest quality Pheromones. There’s one for attracting males, & one called liquid finesse that’s calming and just over all feel good for everyone. There’s even one called PleaseHer for hubs to wear. They all work really well. But again, not if something else is going on preventing you both from being fully focused on each other.

  14. A couple of thoughts.

    Don’t mistake, comfortable and familiar, with bored.

    Secondly, my first thought was… if he did make a big deal about all the changes, he might be worried you’d think he didn’t find you attractive before the change or he only cares about your looks. etc.

  15. It’s only normal if you allow it to be boring.

    My first question to you would be: You lost weight and went blond…. but is that what excites him? Have you both had a real discussion about what would “re-excite” him in the bedroom?

    My wife and I intentionally work to keep it fresh and fun. After 26 years, i’m very “used to her”. In that regard, we also have learned how to remind each other that we lust and desire each other too. So being “used to each other” isn’t a bad thing.

    You don’t have to wear leather and swing each other from the rafters… but if that works for you both, do it. Don’t let others dictate what you should/shouldn’t do. As long as it’s not harming you two (or others), who cares what others would think?! Why do they need to know what you do in order to shame you for it?

    Something I’d recommend is to watch this 6 minute video with him.. A sex therapist had a TedTalk where she explains that you should treat Sex like a hobby, not something you do after brushing your teeth for bed but before you fall asleep. It makes perfect sense how she explains it. [Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes | Ruth Ramsay | TEDxDaltVila – YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-3CANRKuAM)

  17. My wife and I have been married for nearly 12 years and I am not bored in the slightest. You can only become bored with something by taking it for granted.

  19. We’ve only been married a year but together 3 1/2 and I get vary bored bc we do the same exact stuff every single time

    Switch it up be sporadic

    Good luck

  20. Yes. Me thirty years married. Hadn’t had for while then a roll for bout 3 months. Then as said same different routine and now interest has wanes again. Seems to be constant challenge to keep it going. We try but sometimes it’s diff

  21. I’ve only had sex with one person, my wife. I’ve never been bored or even wanted to have sex with anyone else. I’ve had opportunities that a lot of guys probably would have taken, but I just wasn’t interested, not to mention the betrayal aspect of doing that. So that’s a long answer for “not all men, no.”

  22. if there is not effort, change or passion dissipates.. then yes.

    Constant effort is required in all aspects and complacency will kill you and anything in this world.

  23. It may not be boredom, it may be that he’s nervous that you may be changing with the weight loss and the new hair. Your attitude may be a little more than he is used too which can change desire. Not saying that the change is bad, it could be good and needed, but it is change and to be honest we as men like you the way you are because we chose you that way.

  24. A LOT of stuff can cause low libido in men (in women too of course) and it’s usually unrelated to how you do it or how you look. Stress, hormones, medical conditions, mental health, etc. You should talk to him about it, an honest conversation about your concern…not like a complain.

  25. Communicate this with your partner. Directly give him a heads up you’re about to share something vulnerable you’re feeling. Practice affirmations and self validate yourself, congrats on your weight loss. I know that took a lot work!

  26. Sex can get boring. There is only so much you can do. Spice it up. Add a massage go to a sex class and do something spontaneous and different. Watch a prono together. Feel for what works

  27. Hi OP. I don’t think it can get boring but maybe he is looking at it as just another sex session. Have you guys tried to talk about likes/fetishes or things Thant could spice up the relationship?

    Maybe just asking him what he likes, his turn ons, and then yours, can spicy it up. Sexy lingerie, whip cream, spontaneous sessions etc can make sex seem
    Less routine.

    When you approach him and talk to him about, let him know you enjoy it but you want to add more passion and excitement.

  28. My husband said something happened when he turned 30 where his drive just went out the window. It fuckin sucks.

  30. Idk. I am just as attracted to my wife as when I met her 15 yrs ago.

    Sex drive mismatches can really suck, and I’m sorry your going through that.

  33. We have been married for almost 20 years. There are phases to this. Either I was too busy/tired/distracted and vice versa. Things cool, then it’s up to your imagination to reignite things and try new ways to get each other passionate about each other. One thing I will tell you right now that should never happen is to start bringing in new partners. That will end everything you have built unless it’s something you can handle. From my experience, most can’t after a while, just FYI.

  34. I couldn’t imagine getting bored of sex with my husband, and we’ve been together for over 20 years! We’re completely comfortable with each other, and we enjoy discussing ideas to add variety to our sex life. All fantasies are discussed, and many explored. He loves it when I dress up in different lingerie or outfits and get creative in the bedroom. His favourite is to be surprised, blindfolded, and tied up! Your husband may crave a bit of rough treatment, a bit of dressing up, some sex outdoors, or just hope to be woken up gently through touch and sex… Only he knows the answers, so you need to have a talk to him and find out if he has any unexplored desires or fantasies. Do you have unexplored desires? Ask him how he feels about your sex life! We’re all completely unique and comfortable doing very different things, so you need to have discussions with him! Good luck!

  35. Been with my wife for 7 years. I love our sex life despite not getting it as often as I’d like. Kids play a role since I don’t get many opportunities but I still get super excited and turned when we do get to do it. What does it for me is when she might throw a smile and cute laugh at me when we are simply loving our time with one another

  36. It is not normal for sex to get boring when you are in a committed relationship with the one you love, if you put in the work, it breeds connection and trust and allows you to explore together. Sadly lazy has become normal, allowing your self to get bored because “New” is easy to come by and automatically newlywed exciting.

  37. Ofcourse it will get boring sometimes, but that’s life. It ebbs and flows and that’s why you need things outside of sex you can do together that make you happy and get closer.

  38. Our sex life is better after 26 years together,( married 22) than it was when we first started dating.

  39. We’re 10 years in and he’s cheated 3 x but always comes back to me and never thinks about leaving me, I think it does get boring but not cuz of what your doing it’s because there’s no chase anymore, Iv bought it up a million times too but men don’t like being confronted and deny everything, I only found out he was cheating because the women think they can take him but he doesn’t actually want to leave

  40. I’ve been with my wife for 18 years and haven’t. There was a period when it was a bit routine(same positions/foreplay). we sat down and had a conversation, and it’s been amazing since then. My suggestion would be sit him down see what he wants/desires from you and vise versa. Keep it fresh and exciting. .. best of luck.

  42. As long as there is no infidelity, it shouldn’t get boring. I used to really enjoy sex with my wife because she was mine and mine alone. Then she sexted for 2 years and 7 months and lied for an additional 4 years and trickle truthed for another 2 years and 4 months (and counting?). Now, it is a chore and my eyes and mind wander. It seems that if you share something pure and private with your spouse, that excitement is always there. The minute you start seeking sexual gratification outside of the marriage, it makes it cheap and common. I am always wondering if any of the women that show an interest in me are the kind that would never be unfaithful. Honesty and loyalty is exciting because it is so very rare anymore.

  43. He loves you for been you. Doesn’t matter if your skinny or big. You don’t need to change thing around for him. It’s a two way relationship.

    Sit down and tell him in a nice way you want to spice up the sex life doing the same thing is getting old.

    Have ever thought of introducing sex toys into the bedroom.

    If your little adventurist and like fun buy remote vibrator you can play around the house or play with it outside

    Go out for dinner and half way through hand him your underwear 😊

    It’s the little things in life spicing up in the bedroom you can do it anywhere and keep the fun till later at home

  44. You need to get off reddit and not ask these questions because some people will say yes and other will say no, and the people who say yes will weigh on you, make you insecure, and worsen the loop.

    You need to really communicate with your husband and ask him honestly. He’s the one you should be asking. This is how the mind works.

  45. Everyone seemed to miss the part where she said she recently “lost a lot of weight and went blonde” and thought he would be more into it.

    I think that’s the problem. You thought he would like your changes. You thought that’s what he would want (maybe). Even if you did it for you, bet he probably feels insecure about your changes. He’s probably overthinking that YOU’RE the one not interested or doing it for someone else.

    From what you said, “I thought he would be more into it”..did he ask you to change? Maybe communicate with him sincerely. I don’t think it’s about sex but more about your changes and what they represent.

  46. I know that when my partner seems disinterested about sex, that there’s something stressing him out… talk to him.

  47. It’s normal. Gotta find ways to open up each other’s inner desires in a healthy way and explore them together. Sometimes getting a good buzz (alcohol, weed, shrooms) is helpful to loosen your partner up to exploring/talking about what they want.

  48. Sometimes there’s outside factors like kids, work stress, financial strain, etc

  49. We are- me74 her71 it’s so boring- just the same routine- bring her to climax that’s all. No penetration with my dick

  50. There could be other things at play here, mental health, physical health, drug and alcohol use, and etc.

    It might help to ask about these things rather than just the sex.

    I hope this helps x

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like