A little bit of backstory first. Me (M28) and her (22W) met about 3 years ago and we both were in a relationship back then. We instantly clicked together and liked each other pretty much instantly. She then broke up with her bf and started to make out with a friend of myself. He was kinda rude to her back then and only slept with her while she was catching feelings for him. He then „broke up“ with her, this was 2 years ago.
She then got in a relationship which just wasn’t very good for her ( I also told her this ) because they were so different and argued a lot. She broke up with him almost 5 months ago. I also broke up with my gf about 4 months ago.
Since back then we started to see each other almost 5 times per week. We also sometimes sleep in the same bed but never kissed eaxh other or anything like that. I really had no intention or interest in her until maybe 3 weeks ago when we talked a lot in her appartment and had a really intense conversation about what we both want in a relationship etc. We figured that we have pretty much the same opinion and desires in a relationship but haven’t talked about it since then. Today I‘ve been with her the whole day again and I think my feelings for her have changed. I also find her way more attractive than before. I’m really clueless on what to do next because I really don’t wanna lose her as a friend if she doesn’t feel the same. I also know that she isn’t the person to start a convo about a topic like that, she never did that with previous bfs. She also has a guy atm she only has „physical“ attraction to but doesn’t want to go further with him. She has not seen him since we spoke about our relationship needs etc. Sorry for the long text, but I wanted to describe it as good as I can.
TLDR: We know each other for 3 years and figured by talking that we have the same needs/desires in a relationship. Since then I think I‘m catching feelings.
2 comments
You should have a talk with her. Not saying things could actually make the relationship awkward and unnatural on your side, you could even unintentionally get more distant.
Telling her upfront could lead to an evolution in your relationship if she feels the same way ; if she doesn’t, it might get a little awkward on the moment but you’ll both gloss over it soon enough. And it will probably be easier for you to get over your feelings.
If however, after confessing and getting rejected, you still feel the same way, then the best decision would be to take some distance and move on. Not entirely cutting her of your life, but set stronger boundaries at least
Tell her you were thinking about your conversation and how you both want the same things. Then ask if she would want to see if something deeper could develop between you. Keep it casual. If it’s a yes, plan a nice “first date” like you would if you met someone else. If not, plan something casual like always so it doesn’t get awkward.