How do you deal your anxious attachment style?

11 comments

1. Oh my goodness, I’m super anxious attachment style. I don’t get dangerously obsessive, but I do tend to overthink everything and anything, and it certainly becomes worse during my period. I could even pick a fight for no reason haha.. and I know I’m not the only one ladies.

   When I throw tantrums on my period he reassures me and we almost end up having a playful fight instead of a serious one that I caused because he genuinely thinks I’m ridiculous for even thinking certain things.

   I think with anxious attachment, you need to learn to trust your partner overtime. I think In the start when I started seeing my partner I was always anxious and insecure that he’d walk out any minute or that he was faking his feelings for me. I just never believed him when he did anything and assumed the worse. But as time went on, and we went through ups and downs – and he shows me that he cares and he stays to work through it with me.

   The main thing is YOU HAVE TO FIND A MAN WHO WILL NOT INTENTIONALLY TRY TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS. If you have a man like that, who tries to test you by making you jealous, you will never trust him and just feel even worse and more anxious around him.

2. Oof this is a tough one and hormones certainly have a lot to do with it. For the most part, I know when I am letting my anxiety and abandonment issues get the best of me or are causing me to think irrationally. Even though I am aware of this I still have a physical reaction like crying or anxiety attacks. I just try to breathe and calm my brain down.

3. When I meet a guy I really like I make an effort to keep dating other guys. I’ll drive myself crazy and maybe drive him away if I don’t distract myself from my fears of losing somebody that I probably never had.

   I keep this up until said male asks me if we can be in a committed relationship. My twisted brain assumes if I ask him he will lie to me if I ask him before he is ready.

4. Learning to become secure attachment right now. Learning to not cling to other people to self soothe me when I need to do it myself. Reassurance is nice but constantly asking for it is me just asking him to relieve my anxiety when that’s on me. Filling my own emotional needs. Even figuring out my own needs / boundaries is new.

5. The biggest thing that will help IMO is getting into a relationship with a partner who will work with you and not trigger you further. The thing about having an anxious attachment style is that they tend to attract people with avoidant style and they tend to feel uncomfortable with closeness and affection which is what anxious people want. I worked on this and found a partner that also enjoys intimacy and honestly it’s incredible. I have my moments but they’re rare and I get my needs met

6. [removed]

7. I have been trying to make time for myself first. If I start to feel the need to cling I try taking a bath first, writing out a message but never sending it, working out to clear my head first.

8. I got a therapist

9. The only thing that has actually helped me with this is doing Internal Family Systems therapy with a trauma therapist to heal some of the original attachment wounds that caused me to develop that attachment style.

10. I am trying to figure this out myself. I tend to overthink everything, and if he doesn’t answer me for a while I get super anxious and tend to over text him. In my case we have been seeing each other for 2 months, officially dating each other for a month, the first month was great! We talked all the time saw each other at least once or twice a week, and then all of a sudden he takes forever to answer, and I have to practically beg to see him. Whenever I ask him what is going on he doesn’t say much and just says I do want to be with you. So it’s tough, I know I’m probably over thinking things and need to take a step back, but it’s really hard. It’s also my first serious relationship so trying to navigate that as well

11. Honestly? My bf is the best, we both tend to be that way sometimes. We come to each other when we need some reassurance and just tell each other what we need