It is so incredibly hard for me to give what I do not receive.
For example:
– being invested in conversations when the person I’m talking too often doesn’t respond to what I say
– kindness for someone who always treats me bad
– physical affection for someone who never initiates with me
I am torn between “treat others the way you want to be treated” but also the desire to be treated a certain way. Why would I treat someone really nicely if they don’t treat me that way?
This goes for all my relationships: boyfriend, friends, family
2 comments
I think it can sometimes be an ego/pride thing, but it can also be you knowing yourself and what you need/value/want in the people you want to give your limited energy to
You want to be a good person but you also want to have self-respect, it’s probably just not so black and white
Example number one with the conversations — are these text conversations? Because if they’re not responding much then there’s really no reason to continue. Same with ‘in person.’ If they’re not into it, why continue? Conversations are a two-way street. When they’re NOT, then it’s time to get off that street.
Physical affection — is this the boyfriend? Some people are not great at initiating but are happy to respond. If he’s responsive then I wouldn’t worry about it.
The person not treating you well — not sure who that is, but if someone is treating you poorly I’d either call them out on it, or I’d AT BEST ‘remain polite,’ but I certainly wouldn’t go out of my way to be extra nice. That would be an odd reaction if you keep trying to extract nice behavior from someone who is being overtly mean.
If someone is a neutral party there’s nothing wrong with being extra nice to see what kind of reaction you get. But ongoing nice behavior to mean people usually never works out well.