M27. My whole life I’ve just been focused on academics and career. Never really got into fights. And was introverted so never really had close male bonds. I never understood how other guys could confidently bring their friends to fights they got in. Like they could just call them up and be like ‘we are going to beat someone up today’. Like I would never answer that call for anyone, too many consequences. And it seems as an adult, you’re on your own.
28 comments
I encountered a fight situation once in college where a friend got challenged and it looked like it might turn into a group thing so others were texted to get there ASAP. By the time anyone got there, it had cooled down and people just left.
For a fight to occur, typically both sides have to be assholes and willing to escalate.
Uh as an adult, I’m planning on never getting into a fight for the rest of my life. And if I called up my mates saying we’re gonna give someone a beating, I reckon they’d do their best to talk me out of it because that’s fucking ridiculous.
I think that group fights are a lot less common than we might think. We see tiktok videos and what not but those are usually rare group melees that breakout and are quickly broken up. A lot of the participants are actually in the mix because they’re trying to break things up.
Most violence is brief and fleeting.
Gangs and countries do sometimes have prolonged battles but they usually invest a lot of resources in not getting in fights because its often about territory more than ego.
Its not West Side Story out there.
The only group fight I remember was when someone punched my buddy, and then I punched him. It escalated from there, annnnnnd everyone was drunk. Not good time, but not a bad one.
I’ve never needed backup because I’m a placid puddle of a person but back when I was in a punk band because we were usually the physically largest group of people we did get asked by security at venues to be backup when things kicked off. Nothing really came of it the few times it happened but we did get invited to play the leaving party of the head bouncer, nice bloke once you got to know him.
Yeah, I used to get into a lot of fights from high school days to my mid-20s. Always had friends to back me up, that’s why I was so “bold” in my younger years, because I was always rolling with 5-10 people who were just itching for a reason to get into a fight, and I was a smartass instigator.
But it was mostly because of the places I frequented and friends I had, all these fights could have easily been avoided. When I was a teen I was deep into the hardcore/punk scene and was in a crew and we had beef with other crews and everyone was fighting against the neo nazis and just in general, highschool fights with other groups of kids we had shit with. Then I was in the Marines and all my friends were a bunch of crazy meathead idiots, like all the ‘bad kids’ were in our group, and we’d go out drinking and starting trouble or fighting other people from different platoons in the barracks and shit.
And nothing too bad really ever happened. Nobody ever got seriously hurt and never seen legal consequences. The only battle scars i have are my nose has been broken a lot and is crooked and I’ve had 3 teeth broken/knocked out.
I’ve never been in a physical fight since I sucker-punched a bully in 3rd grade. As an adult, I’ve never been friends with anyone crude or stupid enough to get into fights.
>I never understood how other guys could confidently bring their friends to fights they got in.
Anyone who actively tries to get into fights isn’t someone you want to be friends with. Getting into fights isn’t a normal thing. It’s glamorized in the movies but the truth is more like, you give or take one real punch and it’s over. And it has a high chance of being life altering: you’ll be dead or have lasting consequences, or you’ll be in prison.
>Like I would never answer that call for anyone, too many consequences.
Wise man.
>And it seems as an adult, you’re on your own.
Again, that’s a good thing, in this context.
I’ve always wondered about this.
Like, am I expected to have my friends backs no matter what? That just seems stupid.
You go out of your way to start a fight with a stranger, I don’t think I’m helping regardless of whoever threw the first punch.
I’ve never had friends back me up in a fight but I’ve had a lot of friends try to drag me into their fights.
It’s one of the downsides of being a larger guy, they assume that you’re down for physical violence or that you’re good at it.
Neither are generally true in my case. I’ve been in a handful of fights in my life and most of them were in college. None of them are something I’m proud of and represented idiots doing dumb things with other idiots.
I mostly tried to pull people off each other and keep drunks from hurting each other.
Fighting was common in past generations and safer than shootings
I have never been in a fight. When i had friends in my younger days, they were all nerdy and not ones that would have ever fought either.
Two friends and I were walking back from one side of campus to the other one night. I was drunk and in a bad mood because I’d had a little fight with my gf.
As we were walking back, I’m kind of venting to them and these four young men are walking our way.
We’re all in the middle of the sidewalk and I’m just not in the mood to get out of their way, so we just kind of walk through each other. One of those kids makes some snide comment and I lost it.
Dropped my bag and turned around and said something. Both friends dropped bags too and tried to calm me down but they also came with me as backup.
We met the four dudes just kind of stared at each other.
Luckily one of my friends defused the situation and we all walked away peacefully.
Maybe a cultural difference, but I’m on the West Coast, 37m. This would never happen in my world. Physical altercations are extremely rare and if they occur at all it’s because some idiot (not one of my friends) got too drunk and someone had to defend themselves but even that is exceedingly uncommon.
When you’re old injuries are more real. More often permanent. You don’t bounce back like a 20 year old. If I’m getting physical it is because my life actually depends on it…
My fights were always because I tried to help someone else and was nothing I started. So one time it was at a party where guys thought my friend took their beer and it started up. I ended up in the middle of it trying to help my friend. Another I saw a random guy getting beat up outside of my high school by 4 guys and stepped in to stop it. Typically, most people don’t react even a friend seeing you get into it. In the second example I was with 2 other friends and when I got involved none of them did anything. They just stood there and watched. Most people have never been in a fight, and have no training, so they tend to freeze up in my experience.
Yes. There was a time where getting into fights was fairly common for me because I was an a-hole. Friends jumped in to keep others out of it. Win or lose was kept between the dip shots that started among themselves. We only covered the “back” as it were unless the dipweed called the whole group… which sometimes happened.
Not something I’m proud of, but that’s how it happened among the weed holes I ran around with. Part of the reason so few of us lived very long. It was really stupid and stupid has a price.
> never understood how other guys could confidently bring their friends to fights they got in. Like they could just call them up and be like ‘we are going to beat someone up today’.
Do you think this happens in real life (rather than movies) outside of really depraved situations?
I’m the one guy in my crew that can’t fight. My homies fuckin love me though. They’d never let me get my ass beat. I basically walk around with security everywhere I go.
Yes…but I mostly was part of the backup as I had a couple friends who always got into them. Frustrating, but I know they’d of had mine if it came to it.
I do anything and everything possible to avoid fights, but if there’s a situation where I can’t avoid them, I only need to bring one “friend” to those fights, and its a concealed one.
I’m too old to be getting jumped just because they want to rob me or don’t like the way I look, and I’ve seen guys literally get killed trying to fight dudes at bars, seen one dude get punched once, the other dude fell, hit his head on the counter, and died. Also seen another guy get beat on by a group of guys, got kicked in the back of the head, and now he’s in a wheelchair for life.
I don’t mess around or take chances. I will defend myself with the appropiate deadly force if I have to, that being said, I don’t talk shit to anyone, I don’t start anything, and I try to walk away from every confrontation, the deadly force is for those that won’t let me walk away.
A fight avoided is a fight won. As you age, fighting becomes physically dangerous. I am specially trained to defend myself. I am confident I could handle up to eight individuals attacking me at once, as long as there are no weapons. I have always been told, never escalate unless absolutely necessary. A fight avoided is a fight won. Always.
I used to fight a lot. I was an angry teenager who became an angry adult. Went to therapy and dealt with a lot of issues. I’m quite chill now, and I’d rather not ever resort to violence the rest of my life.
To answer your question: No – I’ve never had backup. And no, I wouldn’t want to involve anyone in my mess, should I somehow ever find myself in another one.
Haven’t been in a fight since I was 20. Don’t ever plan on starting one so I don’t really need to have this conversation with my friends (hey would you kick the crap out of this guy with me?).
I grew up in a trashy place where people would get in fights a lot and have several distinct memories of getting beat up while my cowardly friends just stood there and watched.
I am usually the one who my friends know I will do what I have to in those situations. Now I am a lot older now so I still have a mouth on me but unless someone is abusing someone or animal, being a racist or a bigot I will try to verbally bitch slap them until they leave. I have been in a good few fights and I have given some good hits but I have been beat down as well so… it also depends on what the fight is about. If my friend was cheating on his partner then he is on his own. I will keep him from being killed but not much else.
Got my ass kicked in front of my friends at 20. They kept asking if they should jump in, and I kept saying no. Got my ass kicked some more, eventually kinda won by default via having the most heart. So yeah, they were there for me.
I talk to none of those guys anymore, but if I was still hanging out with them, most of them would still show up whenever.
As an adult, I would never get into a fight in the first place (haven’t thrown a punch since 8th grade). Violence ain’t a game. If violence is on the table, I’m bringing a gun.
I accidentally ran my mouth to the wrong pile of muscle at a bar one night, the only thing that saved me from being an onion were my 3 D1 basketball friends. Thank fuck